Hello

[dulcis_dolus]

Hello everyone! I'm new here, and would REALLY appreciate your help with my situation!! Literally any responses would be welcome, so please feel free to say anything! Here we go:

 

My boyfriend, with whom I had a strong, loving, and committed relationship, broke up with me completely out of the blue 6 weeks ago, because he said that an argument that we'd had three weeks prior had been playing on his mind, and he'd felt unable to talk about it. Realising that, he'd concluded that we shouldn't be together, because you should always be able to talk to the one you love. I was absolutely devastated by this, as I'm an extremely open and approachable person, and he absolutely could have talked to me about anything - as I demonstrated as soon as I'd convinced him to explain his reasons for ending it. He was surprised by how well I responded, and continued to be surprised every time we talked seriously after that, and, once I returned to the same country as him two weeks later - I'd been living abroad - we began speaking on the phone each night, texting once or twice during the day, and meeting up about once a week. Things were going well, and I was being extremely patient, so as not to rush him, but there was a discrepancy between how he treated me on the phone, and how he treated me in real life. On the phone, he'd be warm and open, but in reality, closed off from time to time, and often distracted - though this is a general character flaw of his, so it's hard to judge to what extent it related to me. On one occasion, when we met up but he refused to hold my hand - responding to my request by saying that his hands were 'comfortable in his pockets' - he then proceeded to ask my question after question, in a really disjointed fashion, while ignoring my responses, and so I called him on it, and asked why he was treating me like that. The only trouble was, I've been so desperately, desperately unhappy through all of this, and trying SO HARD to handle everything in such a way that we can work things out, that his behaviour that day just really hurt me, and so I got quite emotional I was angry, and I said that 'I was trying SO HARD with him, why couldn't he give me something' back?? Which to be honest was unfair in many respects, given that he'd been making an effort with the phone calls, etc., but was TOTALLY fair in the moment! And he didn't reply, just started at the ground, so I said 'Okay then',and walked away :'( From that moment on, EVERYTHING broke. He broke up with meon facebook, deleted me, turned off his phone, and completely ignored me. I absolutely broke down, having never been so betrayed or poorly treated in mylife, but then, after a week of me asking him to talk, we had a long and mature conversation where he apologised for treating me so appallingly, admitted thatI'd had reason for walking away, and expressed his doubt that we'd be able to work things out, because so much had happened, AND, more importantly, he still wasn't sure that he could trust me not to make him feel like crap by crying somuch during arguments (which was the original cause of his anxiety, prompting him to break up). I said that I understood, but that I sincerely believe we have all the prerequisites necessary how an open, mature, and trusting relationship, and that we just needed to invest time into building it back up. Since then - 4 days ago - we've been in contact, but it's EXTREMELY difficult for me because I miss him so much it hurts, am horrifically unhappy, and really struggle with how much patience something like this requires, especially after having already made an effort to go through all of this before, and now having to start ALL OVER AGAIN!!! It's also difficult because occasionally he contacts me - yesterday morning he called me spontaneously, though only for 7 minutes :/ - but then he also lets me down a lot - said that he'd call again in the evening, then texted at 1:30am to say 'Sorry, but he'd got home late' - and rarely replies to my texts - I sent a message at about 8am this morning, and he replied at 3:30, but not responding to anything that I'd actually written The waiting is the worstpart, because I'm DESPERATE to share my life with him, and feel painfully, painfully isolated, but know that I probably shouldn't push him :/ So how much pushing is too much, and how little contact from him is acceptable/leading me along? I’ve lost all ability to know if he should be making more of an effort, or if I should be being more patient, ESPECIALLY after losing patience before, and nearly pushing him away completely!!! Can you please give me your opinion/advice???

Edited July 11, 2012 by dulcis_dolus

[Chi townD]

Number one- PARAGRAPHS PLEASE!!! That was difficult at hell to read.

 

Look, you sound like a sweet, kind and caring person. And this guy is absolutely all over the place. Treats you nicely on the phone and like crap in person. Breaking promises. Holding grudges over an arguement that happened 6 weeks ago? I thought only women were famous for that!

 

I know it's going to be hard to read this, but you need to let it sink in. You deserve better than that!

[amaysngrace]

He's just not that into you.

 

He keeps you on the side with as little effort as possible but in person he isn't all that interested

 

Sorry. That's how I see it.