Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 All very interesting replies. And don't worry, I'm not taking anything personally. I realize that it's easy to make assumptions about people and situations that you only really know a minuscule amount of typed on a message board and that secondly, there are a lot of hurt people on LS, maybe some who have been burned by someone who they found out was dating other people. That's the thing about assumptions, though. I can assume he's dating others, he can assume I'm not, but it all boils down to communication. If dude #1 asks if I have been on a date, of course I will tell him. But I plan on bringing up the topic this weekend when we see each other again. Not to lock him down, but just to be transparent. I'm not necessarily "looking for a relationship". In my opinion, the best ones happen when you least expect them and I'm just as happy single and dating as I am head over heels in love with someone. I don't go into every date thinking this could lead to something. I go to have fun. If something else develops, great. In the meantime I'm living my life to the fullest as it is, man or no man. I don't take dating so seriously. I'd also like to point out once again, that dude #1 is the one who TOLD me I should be dating others back in May. I don't know why this has been completely ignored on this thread, or why I'm accused of being a liar and a cheat, when I'm simply doing what he suggested I should be from the get-go, without any follow-up conversation about it.
Radu Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Honestly I wouldn't want to know. He is not my boyfriend so while I would probably feel jealous, I can't call him "mine". He can do what he wants, technically. I see it the same way he probably does. What would you be jealous about, if it's 'just drinks' with a romantic, then platonic, then 'i don't know' girl ?
Leigh 87 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 IMO you should have just approached guy #1 and said "hey, another guy has asked me to drinks. I am interested in you and would be happy to date only you, exclusively. Where are you at with this?" and listened to his response. 2 mos is enough time to know if you want to exclusive (a couple) with someone. If he said "well you are technically single..." or something wishy washy, I'd walk and be done with him. This would have been a great way to see where you stand with him w/o having to be all "omg are you my BF" This ^^^^ It is good to keep your options open, until someone likes you back enough to make a serious committment to; you clearly like him enough to want him to yourself. You are probably acting all cool and carefree, is because you want to be exclusive with him, would be hurt if HE went on a date, and therefore are going on a date to rebell against that notion. Next time, if you clearly know how you feel about someone, TALK TO THEM about it! DONT go out and date another dude instead of communicating! When you want to be exclusive, but want to be sure that the are on the same page - TALK to them about it, for christ sake! Don't go on a date just to " play it cool" because some guy is taking too long to be exclusive. Here in Australia, we do not call it exclusive. We just call it bf and gf. Let me tell you - my bf and I did not like labels. He hated them at first. Thought the sounded lame. We simply saw each other once. Then kept on seeing each other. We really liked each other enough to not want to see other people, and we both knew it would be wrong and hurtful to see other people. Even though we were not " technically together". It took about 5 months to call me his gf, and tell people we were '' together". But along the way, we just KNEW we were intersted enough in each other, to NOT see other people. Even without labels, you should get a general " feel" of wheather or not your into each other enough to only see each other for now. If you reall like THEM but are not quiet sure - please ASK next time. By the way - you did not do anything bad or " wrong". It did not show anything bad about your character. You just went out and dated another guy, instead of talking to your current one. You were tring to play it cool, and wait for HIM to show you he wants you badly enough to make a committment. Don't listen to the people who bash you on here! You did not set out to do any harm, you do not sound like you are a bad person lol.
RedRobin Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 So, OP... you are up for 'fun' and not something serious, or are you thinking exclusivity? It seems every other post or so you change your mind. Which is fine. People who are opposed to multi-dating just don't appreciate multi-daters making assumptions of convenience to justify their personal confusion.... And what Pierre said... keeping serious daters in the dark so they can have their fun. I'm not sure why you posted this thread, except for another ego stroke perhaps? Yawn...
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 RedRobin I see the tone you take on not only my thread but others' as well. You reek of bitterness and anger and criticism. It might behoove you to stop taking yourself, men and dating so seriously, pull the stick out of your tush and get out and have some fun. Just sayin'. I'm guessing your "I got no time for this or that" attitude exudes from you on dates and guess what? Men hate that sh*t. RELAX. You're not fun, you're a chore. And to answer your question I'll repeat myself. I'm looking for exclusivity IF AND WHEN it arises with the right person. Sure I'd like it with dude #1, hence the thread. And what I've garnered from this thread is that yes, it's ok for me to broach the subject with him first without fear. Which I'm going to do. But if it's not happening, it never hurts to have other options. I really can't see why this is a bad thing. It's DATING.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 Sorry but I disagree. A first date is no place to be discussing "where this is going". It's to get out, have fun, laugh a lot, and see if you click. A second date is not a given and I don't owe anything to anyone if I'm technically single. Which I am. Now, if I started seeing/texting/talking to dude #2 more regularly whilst still keeping dude #1 in the background - THEN there would be an issue of integrity if I'm not being honest with either. I had a drink with a dude as a single gal who's navigating this thing called dating and relationships. It's just a matter of seeing who's got the gumption to rise to the top.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 I don't think exclusivity is a matter of taking dating too seriously. Exclusivity in my mind is a result of meeting someone you click with and have fun with, and you decide together not to date others. It doesn't even necessarily equate to a commitment - which IS more serious. And, for the record, I have had long-term committed relationships, my last one lasting 4 years.
mysteryscape Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 All this time and energy wasted on such a silly situation! For God's sake, tell him you're seeing others, ask him if he's doing the same thing (if you want to know), and be on with it! And stop trying to have it all ways at once! (Tacitly exclusive, virtually jealous (meaning 'I would be jealous if I knew but I don't want to ask but I would rather be exclusive ....), dating other guys while pretending that it is all platonic (yes, many people have multiple attractions but decide to deal with them in different ways, e.g. don't act on more than one at a time, or multidate with honesty, or try to pretend to have it both ways like you're doing))!
Author Drseussgrrl Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 "I suspect you have never been in love." Ok now this is just getting simply ridiculous. You know nothing about me, my history, the men I have selflessly fallen in love with, or had my heart broken by. I'm getting the impression that you all think I should commit to a man who told me just two months ago that I should date others. Again, ridiculous. I'm out.
RedRobin Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 It might behoove you to stop taking yourself, men and dating so seriously, pull the stick out of your tush and get out and have some fun. Just sayin'. I'm guessing your "I got no time for this or that" attitude exudes from you on dates and guess what? Men hate that sh*t. RELAX. You're not fun, you're a chore. I know all about men and fun. Eventually you will get tired of being fun-time girlfriend. It sounded like you were in your first posts... then you got all freaked out and had to exercise your options. That's your choice. But know that there are men who are just as serious as me about only spending time with people who are focused.. and who exhibit it in their words and actions. They don't find me a chore at all. Even if things don't always work out, we are at least on the same page from the get-go and noone leaves feeling hurt or betrayed. That is how I like it. The only men who find me a chore are the ones who'd like to make me fun-time girlfriend at my expense. I have no problems being a 'chore' for those men.
Camarina Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 (edited) If I've been out with someone several times or more, and things have become intimate, I'd be very turned off it I knew he were multi-dating. I'd probably end things. That's just me though. I'm not into casual dating and I've never multi-dated. I can't see how I'd be able to establish anything meaningful while multi-dating. Edited July 13, 2012 by Camarina
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