sally4sara Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Sally, I mean attached like I hang out with a guy for a few weeks, and then we do some physical stuff and I think it means something, like maybe he wants a relationship down the road. But usually he just keeps putting off the relationship and saying he would totally date "the right girl." But if I stop seeing them, then the guy gets all mad that I read into the physical stuff and that I don't want to just keep making out with them without dating. Just a bunch of games I'm sick of dealing with. You gotta speak up for what you want. Don't try to look for clues. If you think you'd like to have a relationship with a guy tell him BEFORE BEING INTIMATE. Or at the least find out if you're on the same page before intimacy. If he says one thing and then does another after - he isn't worth what you thought and that reflects on him, his character - not you and your character. Stop worrying about being "the right girl" to some guy because the right guy for you won't have to think hard about whether you are the right girl for him or not. Good relationships require communication and strong personal boundaries. When you are with someone right for you, it won't feel like such a guessing game and you will be able to have your boundaries not getting stepped on. 1
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Woggle, I think she's saying that I'm a girl talking about dating guys, and my player friend is a guy, so talking about guys' experiences dating girls is just irrelevant. Does it really matter to this discussion if some guys have gotten hurt because a girl dumped them?
sally4sara Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Woggle, I think she's saying that I'm a girl talking about dating guys, and my player friend is a guy, so talking about guys' experiences dating girls is just irrelevant. Does it really matter to this discussion if some guys have gotten hurt because a girl dumped them? You'll get use to him if you stick around. He will say all manner of offensive stuff and then shrug it off with a "fight for your own team" attitude because everyone has to be on a side in his mind. So yeah you understood what I was saying, he doesn't really need it explained because its something he has said many many times - he just wants to pick a fight.
WonderKid Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 You have reputation to consider as well. Maybe you won't care about the load of guys you slept with. But dudes screw and tell. If you live in a small city watch out. Because if you meet a good guy and he doesn't have stone skin he might just leave you for that very reason.
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Wonder, do you think geography matters? I'm in a middle sized city on the West Coast. Attitudes here are a lot more open about stuff. Where does that whole thing come from, that a guy player can be cured by the right woman, but a girl player is a slut who no good man will ever love? Seems like some bad BS.
WonderKid Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Wonder, do you think geography matters? I'm in a middle sized city on the West Coast. Attitudes here are a lot more open about stuff. Where does that whole thing come from, that a guy player can be cured by the right woman, but a girl player is a slut who no good man will ever love? Seems like some bad BS. Geography does play a role. Just think. What if your city's population was around 500 people and you slept around a lot. Every guy will see you as a gateway to get their rock off. They won't stay with you because they'll assume you'll still sleep around despite you being with them. And whoever said guy/girl players can be 'cured' by the right people? That's BS within itself. Only 'you' can change you, not other people. A slut is a person no one can love whether its a guy or girl. It's just that women are shunned more often than guys when it comes to those things.
Heart Of A Lion Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 The problem of becoming a female player is that if you meet that honest guy, the one that is the real deal...and you play him, that you might f*ck up your one chance for true love. In other words. You could be playing the one. That goes for male players just as well of course. You have to make a decision for yourself and ask yourself the following: "What is my goal in life? To have as much sex as possible...or to find true love?"
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Wonder, I'm glad you think it's BS too. I came out here like a year ago and I was really surprised to still find some of those Disney ideas floating around, like how the right girl can fix a guy, like a player will immediately stop his ways when he meets the right one. Hey Lion, can you really play the one? Maybe this is romantic BS too, but I always heard if someone is really the one, you can't escape them. That no matter how you screw up, they will stay, because they are the one. I think my goal in life is to not get played. I thought I was doing a decent job but seeing that girl get played really woke me up. So I started thinking I should play instead of getting played if that makes sense.
nessaaa Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 If u talk/date multiple guys at once like players are suppose to do... you won't have time to get attached to any of them in paticular cuz you're always distracted. You don have to have sex with them.
Woggle Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Just know how to look for the players. Once you have your eyes open they are pretty easy to spot. Just know what to look for. The only reason I said that guys get played too is that there are plenty of guys in your shoes who fear getting played and that not all guys are like your friend. Don't let one man define the entire gender. If you want to play the field and do it honestly then fine but if you just want to beat men at their own game it will not make you happy.
Author jackielogan Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Woggle, so what are the signs? It's funny, cause I've actually been with players for a short time, and my friend is a player (he's also short, which supposedly means he has a tough time with women), and yet I don't know what signs to look for!
fishtaco Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 The more jaded you become, the less you care. Women are actually in a better position to play the man's game than men are. By "man's game" I mean get sex. And this is simply because many women don't want casual sex. If you do, you get an advantage right away purely because of the demand is high and the supply is low. It's like a straight guy going to cosmetology school. Less competition = advantage. But that's a man's game. Get sex. Because it's no secret that we like sex. Women's game, usually, is about making the man bend over backwards and provide services, attention, material goods, shoulder to cry on, etc, while you keep them at platonic level -- substitute boyfriend. That's usually a woman's game. So if you want to be a player, figure out what your objective is. By all means if you want sex, go for it. It'll be easier for you to pull it off. But you already know the double standard that comes with it. Also, your friend is not a player. He's just someone that knows the game and isn't ready to settle down. 30 is really not a high number. Yes, it may be high for non-players, because if you get into a long 5 year relationship, that's 5 years. But for a player that's constantly on the prowl? Not really. Murphy's law says when he's ready to settle down, he'll end up with a bunch of women that just want to play. So if you want to be a player, go for it. However, your friend isn't a player. What you've observed, is called dating. People get together, people get dumped, people get hurt. Not gender specific. Your friend is just someone that's not ready to settle down that's all. 1
Woggle Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Woggle, so what are the signs? It's funny, cause I've actually been with players for a short time, and my friend is a player (he's also short, which supposedly means he has a tough time with women), and yet I don't know what signs to look for! Get to know a guy before you make any real kind of commitment. Look at how a guy always seems to know how to say the right thing to a woman and how to push her buttons. They practice this kind of stuff while a sincere guy will stumble more because it is not rehearsed. Also realize that all men are not your friend. He might have gotten played in the past himself and it made him like this and now you are close to continuing that cycle. Most players make and female do so because they have been played in the past and the cycle goes on and on and on.
Heart Of A Lion Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Lion, can you really play the one? Maybe this is romantic BS too, but I always heard if someone is really the one, you can't escape them. That no matter how you screw up, they will stay, because they are the one. I guess the answer to that question is different for everyone. I myself know that I wouldn't want to play the woman I'd love. So I started thinking I should play instead of getting played if that makes sense.If you'd do that, then you'd choose sex over love. Personally I want sex to have meaning to it, I want it to be based on love.
Desensitized Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 No offense, but you won't get the title you are seeking. The title you will get, however, is "slut." Just the way the Western world works. And I mean this in the nicest way possible.
Heart Of A Lion Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 No offense, but you won't get the title you are seeking. The title you will get, however, is "slut." Just the way the Western world works. And I mean this in the nicest way possible. And not only that, men tend to spread the word. Women that have "a reputation", tend to attract players even more, because they're easy p*ssy. And players gravitate to the easiest p*ssy, they're not going to put in a lot of effort, because they tend to be time efficient. If there's something players don't waste, it's time. They'll walk away mid-sentence if they sense a girl isn't easy enough to f*ck. When it comes to discerning the decent girls from the sluts, I think that men "gossip" even more than women, but men don't do it in the form of gossip, they boast who they f*cked among their friends. Word gets around that way. In that sense male players are like walking and talking Wikipedias in regards to the decency of local women.
fishtaco Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 The double standard is unfortunately alive and well. I personally try not to subscribe that line of view, but as you can see, many others do. So it is something to consider. And in my post, I offered an alternate "female player" objective. If you do that, then you won't be called a slut because well, you're not having sex with anyone. As a man, it's mind boggling to me that a slut would be at a lower ranking than a female player whose objective is making men run around and do things for them. If I'm going to be used, as a man, I rather be used for sex than for my money, time, services, or whatever. So I'd thinks slut is one step up. But hey, everyone's different. Maybe some men rather be used for money than sex. I'm a strange one I guess. You have the right to be whatever you want to be, whether your want to play for sex or services. But be a player for the right reason. Again, your friend is not a player. If that inspired you to be a player, I think that's kind of the wrong reason to do it. And if you fear being dumped so much that seeing an acquaintance dumped is like watching baby seals getting clubbed, then I'd say you are probably not ready for dating. And being a player has nothing to do with anything. Just my 2 cents. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Fishtaco is right, only 30 at age 33, if he started at age 18, that is only 2 a year, not even in the minor leagues Jackie other than gals who kept trading up for the guy with bigger bucks, I have only known one female player in my life. And that was way back in the disco days. She would show up at different clubs at different times, then take care of a guy out in the parking lot, and then come back in looking for another partner. I later learned that she was married And that is another thought, marry a guy who likes to watch, he will even arrange your dates for you
WonderKid Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 The double standard is unfortunately alive and well. I personally try not to subscribe that line of view, but as you can see, many others do. So it is something to consider. And in my post, I offered an alternate "female player" objective. If you do that, then you won't be called a slut because well, you're not having sex with anyone. As a man, it's mind boggling to me that a slut would be at a lower ranking than a female player whose objective is making men run around and do things for them. If I'm going to be used, as a man, I rather be used for sex than for my money, time, services, or whatever. So I'd thinks slut is one step up. But hey, everyone's different. Maybe some men rather be used for money than sex. I'm a strange one I guess. You have the right to be whatever you want to be, whether your want to play for sex or services. But be a player for the right reason. Again, your friend is not a player. If that inspired you to be a player, I think that's kind of the wrong reason to do it. And if you fear being dumped so much that seeing an acquaintance dumped is like watching baby seals getting clubbed, then I'd say you are probably not ready for dating. And being a player has nothing to do with anything. Just my 2 cents. That's more than 2 cents dude That's more like $10 Lol
RedRobin Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 You may just have a problem with being single. Once you are fine being single OR in a relationship (If its one that makes you happy), then dating will not be the power struggle you see it as right now. Guys will always be around; its very easy to get one if all you're looking to do is get laid. Whats harder to do is to find one that isn't a headache, or a bucket of drama where you don't know where you stand with them. When you're fine with being single - you won't accept headaches and drama and won't have problems becoming too attached to some guy who doesn't care about you. Instead you'll be able to see only if they are right for you or not and be more willing to get rid of them when they are not. OP, I 'second' the above... Even better is when you don't feel less valuable or worthless because of someone else's poor choices... If the guy is a liar and a player, it's on him... not the women he 'played'. They opened their hearts and were vulnerable. Nothing to be ashamed about. I suppose if it keeps happening, then they need to re-evaluate how they make their choices... Still, nothing wrong with wanting love and trying till you get it right. That's how we learn. People who lie and use others should be the ones who are ashamed. This is why I asked what kind of friend he was. I don't keep people around me who have poor character. Don't care how much 'fun' they are. They don't deserve my time and attention. Not even as friends. 1
fishtaco Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 That's more than 2 cents dude That's more like $10 Lol I'm a giver.
bentnotbroken Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I'm reasking my question because I think my thread was misunderstood and buried. I want to be like my friend, who is a player. He can sleep with tons of girls and just ditch them, because he knows a better one is coming. He's 33, and has slept with over 30 women. He dumped his last gf because he knew he could keep getting laid and he thought she wasn't good enough. I want to be like that. I get too emotionally attached to guys, and I don't attract a lot of them. I want to be able to just have sex with guys, and then toss them, but then I feel bad and slutty. How do I not care about people? How do I become a female player? You are the kind of person I worry my son(and daughter) are going to run into.
nessaaa Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 You are the kind of person I worry my son(and daughter) are going to run into. Boo hoo everyone runs into a player some point in their life.
bentnotbroken Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Boo hoo everyone runs into a player some point in their life. Your point is what?
nessaaa Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Your point is what? Your kids aren't special and they will get played.. That's all...
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