Day to day!

[The Tallest One]

I Hi all!, I’m new to this site, been reading threads for couple of days now and decided to start one myself. I have been separated from my wife for four years now, we have two young boys together. We were together for over a decade. When she left and took our boys with her, I was devastated. I tried for ten months to get her back. We saw a marriage councillor four times until my ex decided she didn’t want to work on us anymore. She told me she didn’t love me and I should move on.

 

I was overwhelmed with pain, the pain of not living with my wife and especially our children. I sadly tried to take my life but fortunately I wasn’t successful. About a year and a half later I started dating. I did the online dating thing and after meeting a number of women, I finally met an amazing women. She is initially from another country but has been living here in Canada for over a decade. She’s divorced and has a young child. We hit it off immediately and for the next three or four months, things were fantastic. I was head over heals for her. I even tattooed her name on my back. This was totally impulsive and ended up freaking her out.

 

Then she became aware of my financial problems and at the same time, I was experiencing a lot of stress in my life. Eventually this became too much for her and she dumped me. I couldn’t handle the sudden break up and in a second moment of weakness, I again tried to take my life. I realize now that noone is worth taking your life for. I’ll admit, I have suffered from depression and have spent some time in a mental health facility for this.

 

Soon after we continued contact. This eventually led to us spending time together as friends. As time went by, things became physical and soon enough, romantic. But after a few weeks she said she was confused and didn’t know what she wanted and needed to think. I would go a few days before hearing from her and then she would contact me and want to resume the relationship. Things would be good for a few weeks and then she would once again say she was confused and didn’t know what she wanted and would end things between us, only to again after a few days contact me and want to resume things between us. This pattern went on and on for the next ten months. A couple of times it was me trying to end things, but for the most part it was always her doing this.

 

Finally a few weeks ago she texted me saying she wasn’t being fair with me and that she didn’t love me and I deserved to be with someone who did. She texted me the next day twice, she wanted to hear from me but I told her I didn’t know what to say. Four days later I emailed her expressing my regret over how things had turned out for us and that I loved her very much. She texted me the following day and then called. After talking, we seemed to have patched things up. The next day I asked if she would like me to come and visit, but since she lives in a different city less than an hour away, she didn’t want me to stay over. She became upset and felt I was moving too fast since we hadn’t talked in a few days.

 

I didn’t hear from her the next day. I texted her late that night saying I missed hearing from her and was sorry for moving too fast. She read my text but didn’t reply. I texted her the next morning saying I didn’t like what we were going through and felt bad. She replied and said that until my finances were better and things had improved in my life, we should just be friends. At this point I was fed up with the roller coaster and told her I had to let her go because I couldn’t live like this. She said she understood.

 

Three days later I caved and emailed her to see if there was still a chance for us. I heard from her the following night by email and she said that she adored me and was very comfortable with me, but that all the issues over the last ten months had destroyed the romantic element and that until my finances were improved, I wasn’t ready for a relationship with anybody. She then said she needed her own time away from me. That was fifteen days ago and I haven’t contacted her at all. I have accepted that things are over but it still hurts and I miss her. I’ve been a little depressed and unmotivated since the break up and could use some advice or helpful encouragement. Thanks!

[Philosoraptor]

Man, she sounds more interested in what's in your pocket than what's in your heart. What's going on so bad with your finances that she thinks you are undateable?

 

No matter how wonderful you think she is you dodged a bullet here as she seems like quite a flake who isn't ready for anything serious herself anyways.

[The Tallest One]

Philosoraptor, hey bud, thanks for the reply! Well when my marriage ended, my ex dumped all our debts plus the house and car on me and refused to help in any way to do her part in helping to pay off our joint debts. I have never been good handling money, bit of a compulsive spender in the past and I ended up having to give up my apartment and had my car repo'd.

 

I was able to purchase another more affordable car but I had to file bankruptcy two months ago. I am staying with my mother in the mean time because although I make good money, my budget is tight due to restrictions of bankruptcy and child support which is currently $1700 a month for two kids.

 

So the ex gf says she needs her partner to be able to be in the same financial place that she is in. She wants to spend money and have nice things for her home and also wants to travel (as she does three times a year to mexico and Chile where she's from). She says she doesn't want to feel guilty that at this time I can't do these same things.

 

I have make big changes in my life to improve things and have tried to convince her that she can do all those things and that she has no reason to feel guilty and it wouldnt bother me at all. I have also asked her to be patient since this rough part of my life will only last for about a year.

 

We have never lived together, heck, I haven't even met her daughter even though I knew my ex for almost fifteen months.

[Twins]

A year really isn't that long of a time. Take the time to get it financially together. It will show her that you are working on it. You need to do this for you anyway. I can understand her position. It is some baggage that scares her. Maybe stay LC during this time but not get involved.

[BetheButterfly]

I have accepted that things are over but it still hurts and I miss her. I’ve been a little depressed and unmotivated since the break up and could use some advice or helpful encouragement. Thanks!

 

I really really really wish that all relationships were happy, lasting ones where nobody ever got hurt. My hubby says that's in fairyland, where he suspects I'm from. He then asks what I did with my wings.

 

Please know that ideal finances do not make a relationship work, though they do make one less thing to argue about.

 

I understand why you are depressed. However, life is a beautiful thing. Please make a decision and exercise self-control to not try to take your life anymore. Life is truly worth living. When it hurts, it's not good to give up and let the hurt win. When something hurts, it's important to heal the wound.

 

I think right now you need to concentrate on healing. Also, since you have children, you can concentrate on talking with them and spending time with them. Please make sure to make up your mind to enjoy the beauty of nature. In my personal experience, going to a beautiful place, like a lake or garden, and just resting, enjoying hearing the birds sing and smelling flowers, is a very healing experience. Men are creatures of nature same as women, so please don't feel like it's only women who can enjoy the beauty of nature. My Dad enjoys fishing and gets a lot of personal satisfaction not so much in catching fish, but in the action of sitting in a boat or standing knee deep in water, enjoying the soothing beauty around him. He also enjoys taking pictures of deer, flowers, butterflies, and wildlife. Please try to find something like that to help you in the healing process, k?

 

Even once you are healed, being in tune with nature also helps keep a positive outlook, because beauty is a reality. It's not just a dream.

[The Tallest One]

Twins, Hi!, I have filed bankruptcy and trying to really work on getting better with budgeting. She has said she needs her own time away from me, so I haven't had any contact with her in any way.

 

Bethebutterfly, Hi also, I do enjoy going for daily walks, helps a little to clear my head. I don't have any more suicidal feelings like I had last couple of years. I try to remember my kids and how it would destroy them, plus I do want to enjoy life. Just had a rough go last four years.