I had lunch with my ex-girlfriend, but now I'm concerned about her.?

[zero2007us]

Hi everyone - So, my ex-girlfriend of four years have been broken up for almost 2 months now with no contact. Til last week when I sent her an email replying to one of hers. it was really short and to the point. I just let her know that I received her email and thank her for taking the time to explain what happened. I also mention that if she ever needed to help/talk to some one I will always be here to help and if she ever had some time we should meet up and grab coffee. She replay a couple of hours later( in a way very happy manner) she said, it was nice hearing from me and that it would be nice to see me again. in the mean time she started texting me asking for my help on some stuff for work. (keep in mind that she's now dating a new that is in the same industry as I am and knows the software, too)I helped as usual. Why wouldn't she just ask him? We went back and forward until she ask if I wanted to go have coffee last sunday. I was busy at the time so she reply that it was going to be best to us to meet during the week. Monday(yesterday she texted me if wanted to have lunch, but the thing is that I live 2 hours away from where she's at. Why would she be willing to drive that long to see me when she already has a new relationship. In our lunch she told me how stress she has been in this couple of week and she admitted to have some type of pill addiction that help her lose weight. She's being going out with friend and getting really wasted and she feel that has no direction.

I ask her why the change towards me, she just reply with the same answer that she wasn't happy. I also asked her about her new relationship and if she was happy. she replay in very unconvinced manner and that it's nothing serious and that it's more like a friend.

 

After all this time why would she be willing to drive 2 hours to see and dump all her issues on me. She didn't give any signs that she may want to go back with me. I'm just really concerned that she could hurt herself in this process of finding herself. What do you guys think? Do you think I just let her contact me again or should incited contact in a couple of weeks?

[Chi townD]

Because you were safe. Probably her new boyfriend doesn't listen to her or offer advice like you. You're probably filling an emotional need. Okay, so she had lunch with her, you listened to her problems, shoulder to cry on. Fill that emotional void and then went back to party it up with her friend and since she got her emotional fix; her zero fix. Now, she can get her physical fix from her boyfriend. Best of both worlds for your Ex!

 

Look, did she say at anytime during the lunch that she was sorry and made a mistake and would do anything for a 2nd chance? Probably not. So anything else was breadcrumbs. You made her feel better in the short term.

 

Dude, lessons learned, I would strongly recommend that you heal and move on.

[zero2007us]

Chi townD: Thank you so much for the advise. I already feel like I'm moving on but the part of me that used to be there for her it telling me to help her out. I know her really well and I know there's more going on that what she told me during lunch. We were four years together and that's something I can't forget in just two months. I'm definably taking your advise, but how about if she incited contact again. Should I just tell her to **** off? or just advise her to go find some professional help.

[2sunny]

Encourage HER to HANDLE HER OWN ISSUES.

 

Dumping them on you is HER way of not DOING anything about them HERSELF.

 

IF she needs help - encourage her to go to detox and/or rehab.

 

SHE is the one who can change things for herself... Expecting you to beHErdumping ground is not healthy or nice of her. Remind her that sheis responsible for HER OWN CHOICES.

 

YOU ---> move forward.

[The Straightener]

You cannot be her rock and be there for her because she wasn't there for you. If she wants to talk about all of her issues in the future direct her to a therapist or a counselor.