Insomniac1 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 This might be a long one but id appreciate some thoughts on the matter because I'm sick of thinking about it myself! I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years nearly a year ago now. We'd been together since school and right the way through university. We came as a couple and it was pretty well sorted that we'd end up like that indefinitely (although i always denied it). The breakup came when she got a new job in a bar and had her head turned by another guy. At this point we were just about to move in together after id lived with friends through uni, but i was having some worrying health problems. Basically, i was told i might have a brain tumor. To say i didn't react entirely positively is an understatement, i retracted into myself and just tried to block everything else out. Instead of trying to get me out of that, she just left. I felt incredibly alone as i worried about my health as she started her new life. Afterwards she started being incredibly cruel and even wrote on the internet that it was great "to be with a real man" after I'd broken down about my illness. To cut a long story short, over the last year she has now had 3 separate boyfriends and has done everything in her power to make sure i know about each of them. We never fell out. I never did anything to hurt her. I just don't understand how a person can change like that overnight? The reason i find myself here today is that I've just been sent home from my job after i passed out in front of everyone as a result of stress induced insomnia. No coincidence that I met my ex the other day and she said she was really happy and that i shouldn't try and spoil that for her. I tried to tell her that i really needed her this last year and she let me down but she just said "sorry" and shrugged it off. I still love her, because i know after growing up with her that this isn't the real person in front of me. She used to be brilliant - funny, caring and honest. I think having a large group of friends for the first time has made her adapt to what she see's as acceptable. But she's forgotten me when i really needed someone. My healths better now and thankfully it turned out to be much less serious than was first thought - i have an operation scheduled next month to resolve the issue. I'm just left wandering whats happened this last year and trying to pick up the pieces. I cant dredge up the desire to meet another girl for a relationship as i thought i already had all i needed. My insomnia is driving me crazy and i just don't know what I'm meant to do to make everything better. I'm sure il come out of this a much stronger person and be back to my old confident self at one point but after a year it still seems to hurt more everyday. I don't know what i expected to achieve by writing this out, but hopefully its some sort of roundabout step to normality.
Ajax Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Sometimes you just need to vent. To have someone know what you're going through, and you've gone through a lot. As for your lady... I still love her, because i know after growing up with her that this isn't the real person in front of me. Actually I think she's shown her true colors. Someone who not only abandoned you at the drop of a hat in your time of greatest need, but did it in an utterly classless and hurtful manner. I mean, she didn't even try to stay the course. I don't say this to demonize her, but to make the point that regardless of whatever positive attributes she possesses, she is not the person you can rely on to be there for you. In fact her antics compounded a difficult situation for you. I do understand though why you still have strong feelings for her. She was a part of your life for many years, and you no doubt shared some really great times and feelings together. Those things aren't easy to let go of. But those times are in the past. Now her presence in your life does more harm to you than good.
Author Insomniac1 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 The thing is, I cant match up the cruelty to the girl i know/knew. Thats what kills me when I'm trying to sleep or function on any sort of normal level. She used to leave me notes scattered about if I was doing something and i would find them later. I flipped my mattress the other day and under the bed (I should really clean down there more often) was just a massive message saying "So proud of you for graduating, See you tonight! Love ... xx" That was 6 weeks before she left.
Ajax Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 When someone we love hurts us unexpectedly, it takes time for our hearts and minds to make sense of the conflicting emotions we have, and conflicting natures of those loved ones. In time you'll come to see her and your relationship from a different perspective. The experiences we have create a schema in our mind. When something happens that doesn't fit that schema, we have trouble processing it. Eventually we do process it and it becomes part of our new schema, or way of viewing the world. Bottom line though is that it's confusing and it hurts.
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I think that she never got dumped before and you really screwed with her ego. But, I don't blame you. I mean, if she was seeing someone else, what could you do? You need to cut her out of your life and I think you're finding this stuff out through either twitter or facebook. You need to cancel your twitter account and block her on facebook. Dude, you have enough issuse to deal with rather than reading her trash that's directed at you.
Author Insomniac1 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah mate, your right. Overall state of mind is absolutely all over the place and it makes it hard to see that though. This time last year I was a fit young guy with my girlfriend and all my friend around me at University Now i cant last a day In my shi**y job that i worked so hard to get without going mental and scurrying back to my parents house that I left "for good" nearly 7 years ago. Need a bit of help here but apparently I would have to wait 16 months to see anyone to talk about it professional wise - which is a complete joke
CopingGal Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 You said: "She used to be brilliant - funny, caring and honest." And what...she just changed? Come on man, you have to take off the rose colored glasses. What she did to you was awfully cruel. CRUEL! CRUEL, and I'm so sorry. She was probably cruel back then and kept it hidden from you or you overlooked it. Glad your health is better. Keep venting here. Be around people who actually care about you and that are not stupid. Take care of you.
Author Insomniac1 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 You said: "She used to be brilliant - funny, caring and honest." And what...she just changed? Yeah, she did - Overnight almost. It was unbelievable, no sign of it coming. Just one night after work she phoned me a taxi and I left. And that was it
Author Insomniac1 Posted September 3, 2012 Author Posted September 3, 2012 Thought I'd check in on my "situation".... What a difference 2 months makes. Its been a bit of a roller-coaster. Like i mentioned above I had surgery at the start of August (Now feeling a lot better if anyone's interested!). I had mentioned that I was going into hospital a few weeks previous to my ex's friend who i met at work and she obviously passed this on. To cut a long story short, when i woke up from surgery in my room the nurse came through and said that "my girlfriend" had been phoning to make sure everything was OK. She phoned again about an hour later and this time got put through to the room, she was crying and telling me how much she loved me and how stupid she had been and how she wanted to get back together. I was pretty delighted needless to say. She came up to see me when i got back home and said she was going to leave her boyfriend because she wanted to be with me and that me having surgery had made her realise how much she missed me etc etc. We saw each other almost every day for 3 weeks, she left her job and was looking for a new one, and everything was looking rosy! She went off one day with her friends and said she was going to end it with this other guy then, low and behold, she stopped replying to call's and text's again. About a week later she showed up at my house and told me that she'd changed her mind again and that instead of getting back together with me she was going away with this other guy for a weekend away in France the very next weekend. A little bit of a drastic change of mind? I was devastated again but this time it made me realise just how cruel she is. I was out of action after surgery but delighted she was there and she clearly only changed her mind because this other guy had panicked and decided to throw some money at the situation and take her away. I had a really long few weeks feeling pretty terrible, although in general a lot more happy about not having to worry about my health any more. My friends then really kicked in and showed what being a decent mate is all about. They more or less physically dragged me on a night out (potentially not a great idea post-op but i needed to get out the house). Anyway, I had a great night and got chatting to a girl who was a friend of a friend. We swapped numbers and have now being seeing each other a few times a week - fingers crossed everything works out. Id forgotten that not all woman try and murder your emotions ever time you speak to them! Anyway, just a quick thank you to everyone who replied to this thread the first time. I was in a really, really dark place but knowing there was decent people out there going through the same thing through no fault of their own really helped. Hopefully, I've now moved on and can get on with my life without having to worry about her strolling back in and ruining everything!
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