Jono85 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Background We've been broken up for close to about 5 weeks now, but i spent the weekend with her couple weekends ago and have been in low contact. That weekend she started getting back all the feelings and we were sort of back to normal, but she was leaving to goto Europe in a week and not coming home for a month (she is there now). She went with her girl friend, although they are staying with her family for majority of the trip (but obv they will find ways to go out etc). So anyway, we agreed it wasn't a good time to get back together before her trip, and we'd revisit things when she got back. However, I really messed things up on the last night. Stupidly, I went through her phone. I saw some things I didn't like (basically that she had dated a couple guys, no sex, but sexy photo sent that she took for me before (no nudity tho) and that she crashed at one of the guys place after a night out drinking, but 'nothing happened'). So obviously i acted like a baby, and left pissed off (b/c during those 3 weeks she knew I was hurt and didn't want to be broken up). She was crushed, and said how I walked out of her life for things I did when we were broken up. She said she did all those things to get her mind off us. I apologized after and told her how she knows i've NEVER done **** like that before, but i had an insecure moment etc, and she accepted it, but was obviously upset/hurt that I left angry in the middle of the night. For the next week we had barely any contact, although twice she initiated. Then before the weekend, I was being playful and asked for a couple new sexy photos for when she's gone, and she agreed to that and said she'd take/send some on the weekend, but never contacted me that weekend. On the day she left for Europe, right after the weekend, she msged me in the morning "Leaving today, just wanted to msg you bye bye. xo", to which i just ignored. I guess i was a bit upset that she didn't contact me all weekend or send the photos/remember. So... I want her back. But she obviously has all the power. She was the one who broke up with me, after we were fighting a lot in our last few weeks. I wanted to fight for us, she didn't anymore, and even went on to date a couple guys while we were broken up, although they didn't seem to go anywhere. But in her text msgs to her best friend she seemed to have legitamate crushes on both guys, but seems one wasn't as keen on her (just wanted sex) and the other lives 2 hrs away. Here's the thing, I'm tired of putting in effort. She knows I wanted to work on things and this isn't what I wanted. She knows I was really hurt. I've also hurt her a lot in the past, and she just grew so tired of being hurt/fighting, etc. We HAVE smoothed over the reasons why we broke up (or so we think anyway). I take a lot of the responsibility as I started acting insecure and getting upset over stupid things (there's backstory here but this is getting long). But bottom line I'm tired of putting myself out there and fighting for this relationship. If she doesn't want to when she gets back, I won't fight, I'll just move on. Anyway, how should I handle things when she gets back in 3 weeks?? Should I just continue ignoring her until she says something concrete "I want to talk about us". Or should I reply but be distant until she starts wanting more etc. I really don't know if I have the energy to bs around and pretend like things are fine (eg. game her) when really i just want to know if she's wanting to try things again or not. But at the same time I don't want to come on strong and turn her off of wanting to try things. Like she said she'd be doing a lot of thinking on the trip and wants to talk when she gets back. But I dread the possibility of her coming back and msging me casually wanting to tell me about her trip, when I don't really give a sh-t if she doesn't want to try things again, ya know?
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Here's the thing, I'm tired of putting in effort. She knows I wanted to work on things and this isn't what I wanted. She knows I was really hurt. I've also hurt her a lot in the past, and she just grew so tired of being hurt/fighting, etc. We HAVE smoothed over the reasons why we broke up (or so we think anyway). I take a lot of the responsibility as I started acting insecure and getting upset over stupid things (there's backstory here but this is getting long). But bottom line I'm tired of putting myself out there and fighting for this relationship. If she doesn't want to when she gets back, I won't fight, I'll just move on. Anyway, how should I handle things when she gets back in 3 weeks?? Should I just continue ignoring her until she says something concrete "I want to talk about us". Or should I reply but be distant until she starts wanting more etc. I really don't know if I have the energy to bs around and pretend like things are fine (eg. game her) when really i just want to know if she's wanting to try things again or not. But at the same time I don't want to come on strong and turn her off of wanting to try things. Like she said she'd be doing a lot of thinking on the trip and wants to talk when she gets back. But I dread the possibility of her coming back and msging me casually wanting to tell me about her trip, when I don't really give a sh-t if she doesn't want to try things again, ya know? you're answering your own question. Here's the thing. She talks to you when she feels like it, when she feels she has the time for it. She spent the night at some dudes place "but nothing happened" Uh huh...and at this point, you two were broken up so it really didn't matter. But...still. And now she's in Europe, in a new an exciting place and she made DAMN sure she was single before she went over there. If she thought about getting back with you, it wasn't going to happen until AFTER her trip. So, if you happen to find out about anything that she did over there, you can't get mad! You weren't together!! To be honest? I think it's time for you to move on. To work on yourself and find a girl that enjoys being with you and you alone. 2
Author Jono85 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 you're answering your own question. Here's the thing. She talks to you when she feels like it, when she feels she has the time for it. She spent the night at some dudes place "but nothing happened" Uh huh...and at this point, you two were broken up so it really didn't matter. But...still. And now she's in Europe, in a new an exciting place and she made DAMN sure she was single before she went over there. If she thought about getting back with you, it wasn't going to happen until AFTER her trip. So, if you happen to find out about anything that she did over there, you can't get mad! You weren't together!! To be honest? I think it's time for you to move on. To work on yourself and find a girl that enjoys being with you and you alone. honestly...i wholeheartedly agree with everything. one thing i will say is, the whole "nothing happened" thing i believe, only because this is what she told her best friend via text, not me. but when i confronted her about it she did admit to making out (and i'm sure very intimately, which makes me sick). but no, you're right. this is exactly how i feel probably most of the time. that she hurt me too much and showed an utter lack of giving a sh-t about the relationship that we built, by just giving up. and not only did she give up, but she pursued other guys and from what i can tell, only didn't work out b/c they weren't all that interested, or live too far away. i'm 100% gonna continue NC. i just can't honestly say with 100% conviction that IF, and it's a huge IF, she comes to some realization, and tries fighting for me upon her return, that i'll be able to resist her advances. i still have a lot of feelings for her. for me, the reason i don't want her back is b/c i'm quite frankly disgusted with how she's treated me throughout all this, and don't know if i can get past the whole other guys stuff, even without the sex. b/c it shows me that she truly gave up on me, and us, and was trying to move on when she knew i was crushed and not wanting to move on. bah.
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 one thing i will say is, the whole "nothing happened" thing i believe, only because this is what she told her best friend via text, not me. but when i confronted her about it she did admit to making out (and i'm sure very intimately, which makes me sick). Okay, let me get this straight. She texted her friend that "nothing happened" to her girlfriend. But, told you that they "made out" And you don't see that lie? Which one was it? Did nothing happen or did she make out? And you want to believe that nothing happened?!?!?
Author Jono85 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Okay, let me get this straight. She texted her friend that "nothing happened" to her girlfriend. But, told you that they "made out" And you don't see that lie? Which one was it? Did nothing happen or did she make out? And you want to believe that nothing happened?!?!? well she'd been on a few dates with this guy before she crashed at his place that one night, and had already made out with him before, and i'm sure she would have told her best friend that too, so "nothing happened" would probably mean anything too serious, ie sex. that's the way i took it anyway. why would she lie to her best friend when she assumed those convos would be private?
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Okay...well... Does it really matter. I mean, my take is she's been out on a few dates with him and made out with him. Let's look outside the box for a minute. Let's say the guy was you and she was a girl you started dating. If you asked this girl to come back to your place and she agreed? What would you be thinking what was going to happen? Would you talk to her for a little bit, then get up and grab a pillow and blanket. Hand it to her and say the couch is over there! Good night!!! If it were me and I had a pretty girl in my apartment alone. I don't think I would boot her to the couch if you know what I'm saying. So, I don't know why she said what she said to her girlfriend. Maybe she's been telling her that she was thinking of working things out with you and she didn't want to explain to her friend why she hooked up with someone else and counteract everything she said before. Maybe she didn't want to explain it. But, does it really matter at this point. You already know what you're going to do, and you know your game plan.
Author Jono85 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Okay...well... Does it really matter. I mean, my take is she's been out on a few dates with him and made out with him. Let's look outside the box for a minute. Let's say the guy was you and she was a girl you started dating. If you asked this girl to come back to your place and she agreed? What would you be thinking what was going to happen? Would you talk to her for a little bit, then get up and grab a pillow and blanket. Hand it to her and say the couch is over there! Good night!!! If it were me and I had a pretty girl in my apartment alone. I don't think I would boot her to the couch if you know what I'm saying. So, I don't know why she said what she said to her girlfriend. Maybe she's been telling her that she was thinking of working things out with you and she didn't want to explain to her friend why she hooked up with someone else and counteract everything she said before. Maybe she didn't want to explain it. But, does it really matter at this point. You already know what you're going to do, and you know your game plan. exactly, it doesn't matter really. i DO believe that she didn't have sex with him, as she wouldn't just lie to her best friend. especially when she was also inquiring about what sexy photos to send to that other guy, as i witnessed as well. getting her best friends opinion first. either way, yeah it all makes me sick. to be fair though, when i broke up with her 4 months or so ago for a brief period, i ended up getting really drunk at a bar and spending the night at my sister's friends place. we also didn't have sex (i was too in the bag to get it up). BUT, for me i was just really horny, never had any crush on this girl, didn't even talk to her after that night. also, i broke up with her for a reason; she flirted with a guy (the same one she sent the sexy photo to THIS time, who lives a couple hours away) on facebook, behind my back. that's why i was so insecure and starting fights when we got back together this time around. lol so u can see how unhealthy this relationship was in the first place. i will undoubtedly get over this girl, but right now for whatever reason i still have such strong feelings. most likely b/c this wasn't the girl i fell for, or so i thought. ah well.
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 either way, yeah it all makes me sick. to be fair though, when i broke up with her 4 months or so ago for a brief period, i ended up getting really drunk at a bar and spending the night at my sister's friends place. we also didn't have sex (i was too in the bag to get it up). LMAO!!!! Sorry, But, I love your honesty here!!
Author Jono85 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 LMAO!!!! Sorry, But, I love your honesty here!!
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 My man Jono, I'm actually going through a break up of the the near-same situation. Stay strong brother.
Author Jono85 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 man guilt is starting to set in, that i didn't even say goodbye to her even tho she sent me a semi sweet goodbye with an "xo". i guess a part of me thinks that A. when i broke up with her, i got with another girl as i mentioned (without the sex just b/c i couldn't..) in the first week of being single. at that time i thought we were over, over. i didn't have a crush on someone else like she did, but who's to say i wouldn't have allowed that if i met someone i had chemistry with. B. i know she still has feelings for me, and still has pain associated with me b/c a couple of times when we've brought things up she's ended up crying saying things like "i felt like i could never do anything right" (in those 2 weeks we got back together when i was being insecure and starting fights over silly things). i mean if she really was completely over me, how could she cry still over me. even when i left her house in the middle of the night she was crushed and texted me 16 times, and called 20+ times on the way home (i ignored them all b/c i was so mad). C. maybe she started crushing on those guys to rid her of the pain of us. that's how some ppl deal with pain, they seek attention from other girls/guys unfortunately. bah..
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