Girlfriend wants a break 2 year relationship

[fobosk]

I met my girlfriend a little bit over 2 years ago. We do not live together but live 15 minutes apart. She is 23 I am 25. We have always had a good relationship, I treat her like she deserves and she knows I love and care about her with every ounce of my heart. We talk about everything, every single thing but she has always been kind of quiet when it comes to confrontations. We have seriously not had one major fight and are always very loving and healthy when we are together. She is a very beautiful, honest and caring girl and that's what attracts me most to her. I know her family VERY well, as she knows mine. And we have talked about marriage many, many times in our lives. She has graduated college and has a job while I am in the last year and a half of my college and work sometimes for a real estate company. We have a very close relationship and literally speak to each other from the minute we wake up until right before shutting our eyes to sleep. She calls me everyday when she leaves work and we talk and we hang out 3-5 times a week.

 

On the 4th of July my girlfriend did not answer my texts or calls, the only text she sent me was "dinner with XXXXX" an old college friend of hers. I knew something was up but was unsure what.. later that night she finally texted me and told me that "she cannot be with me right now and we need to talk in person" So I immediately call her and she tells me that she has been unhappy lately and is not sure why. She really wants to be single and alone for a while to figure out what is making her unhappy. I fought on the phone and tried to change her mind, there was a lot of crying and emotions and she would not budge.

 

The next day I decided to go to her house and talk in person, this is when she told me again she just feels unhappy and has been like that for the past week. She doesn't know why and she has never been single so she wants to be alone to figure out what is wrong with her... she also told me that she feels like shes mothering me and that was part of it but not all of it. She feels like she has to tell me to "register for school, check on my homework, check my grades, make a dentist appointment, etc." The sad part is that is quite true and it broke my heart not knowing about it till it was too late. That night she was emotionless trying to hold everything in because she was not going to be persuaded by my tears and emotions.

 

This really gave me a reality check for the next 4 days I just thought about it and really decided I need to change and be more responsible and motivated on my own. I need to live to my full potential and not be lazy. I sent her a text letting her know I understand she needs space and I am going to work hard to show her that I have changed.

 

I am taking 2 summer classes and on mondays and wednesdays she is in the same building as one of my classes. I saw her yesterday in her car and could not breathe. I was stunned and I made eye contact with her so I ended up talking to her. I told her the same thing and asked her how she was feeling she said "shes good, and alright, and was very short" I was holding back on my emotions but it was so hard... I told her I missed her and she told me she knows, but she hasn't even had time to think because her friends have been talking to her telling her i'm talking to them.. etc. She told me that has not allowed her to focus on herself and figure stuff out and it just makes everything 20x worse me talking to her today. She said she feels smothered and I need to just not contact her. She told me she just wants to be single right now to figure out things.

 

That night I came home and decided I have to respect wishes her if I ever want to have a chance with her. I did send her one last text because I was going crazy not being able to sleep telling her "the most important thing to me is that she gives me closure when she figures everything out, and to just not forget the 26 months we spent together and not to throw that away, I asked her to promise me verbal closure whether good or bad once she figures stuff out."

 

Now I sit here and every minute I am not busy with school or work I get heavy anxiety and feel the need to call or text her but I am forcing myself not to. The days go slow and it's very hard and depressing. My family and friends try to cheer me up but all I want is for her to understand I know I need to change and I really did get a reality check about my life by her doing this.

 

Please if anyone could give me any advice or words of wisdom and let me know how I can fight off this sadness and just wait it out, I would greatly appreciate it. I have never been this hurt in my entire life and still want to believe there is hope. I love this girl with all my heart and its just so hard to think 1 week ago everything was normal, and now I've lost my girlfriend and my best friend.

 

Thank you for reading, I am so sorry for the length.

[fobosk]

any help would be amazing this is really hard for me sorry for the long story.

 

1 and a half hours later 1 week into the break up and i still can't sleep when i roll over and wake up for 1 second i am forced to stay awake.

[Zammo25]

This is tough.

 

I hate to say it but I think it's over buddy. When a woman changes her mind, it happens over a period of time but they don't let you know along the way it is happening, just vague red flags we mostly likely do not pick up on. You got the red flags and did not notice them. She was starting to emotionally detach from you weeks/months before the dreaded " I need space ", which by the way really means " It's over ".

 

You could try and win her back but when a woman has changed her mind it is very hard to change it back and get her affections again. Some are fickle, some like the initial rush of a relationship but not the ongoing life's struggles, some have someone else on the sidelines when they drop the bomb and there is a chance this is the case with you.

 

I have been where you are and look back at my time with the ex and made lots of mistakes and brought a lot of baggage and she cooled off and is now with someone else.

 

I am now seeking therapy for the first time in my life as I want to become a better person, for me firstly and for the next person I meet/If I meet.

 

There is very little you can do at the moment but sit it out.

[steveblack]

I hate to say it. But this is exactly what is going on with me. Its tough, but like Zammo said, its probably done. Please done take the probably as a %, i was doing that to myself and caused (is causing me) to go nuts.

 

Zammo put it perfect as it relates to my relationship too. Mine, she was unhappy about us for 6 months, she was having nightmares but couldn't figure out why. I missed all the flags, and (even if I did) may have not be able to prevent this anyway.

 

try to let go. i am trying but I am still really fresh out of the relationship like you

[NYC-BigKat]

I met my girlfriend a little bit over 2 years ago. We do not live together but live 15 minutes apart. She is 23 I am 25. We have always had a good relationship, I treat her like she deserves and she knows I love and care about her with every ounce of my heart. We talk about everything, every single thing but she has always been kind of quiet when it comes to confrontations. We have seriously not had one major fight and are always very loving and healthy when we are together. She is a very beautiful, honest and caring girl and that's what attracts me most to her. I know her family VERY well, as she knows mine. And we have talked about marriage many, many times in our lives. She has graduated college and has a job while I am in the last year and a half of my college and work sometimes for a real estate company. We have a very close relationship and literally speak to each other from the minute we wake up until right before shutting our eyes to sleep. She calls me everyday when she leaves work and we talk and we hang out 3-5 times a week.

 

On the 4th of July my girlfriend did not answer my texts or calls, the only text she sent me was "dinner with XXXXX" an old college friend of hers. I knew something was up but was unsure what.. later that night she finally texted me and told me that "she cannot be with me right now and we need to talk in person" So I immediately call her and she tells me that she has been unhappy lately and is not sure why. She really wants to be single and alone for a while to figure out what is making her unhappy. I fought on the phone and tried to change her mind, there was a lot of crying and emotions and she would not budge.

 

The next day I decided to go to her house and talk in person, this is when she told me again she just feels unhappy and has been like that for the past week. She doesn't know why and she has never been single so she wants to be alone to figure out what is wrong with her... she also told me that she feels like shes mothering me and that was part of it but not all of it. She feels like she has to tell me to "register for school, check on my homework, check my grades, make a dentist appointment, etc." The sad part is that is quite true and it broke my heart not knowing about it till it was too late. That night she was emotionless trying to hold everything in because she was not going to be persuaded by my tears and emotions.

 

This really gave me a reality check for the next 4 days I just thought about it and really decided I need to change and be more responsible and motivated on my own. I need to live to my full potential and not be lazy. I sent her a text letting her know I understand she needs space and I am going to work hard to show her that I have changed.

 

I am taking 2 summer classes and on mondays and wednesdays she is in the same building as one of my classes. I saw her yesterday in her car and could not breathe. I was stunned and I made eye contact with her so I ended up talking to her. I told her the same thing and asked her how she was feeling she said "shes good, and alright, and was very short" I was holding back on my emotions but it was so hard... I told her I missed her and she told me she knows, but she hasn't even had time to think because her friends have been talking to her telling her i'm talking to them.. etc. She told me that has not allowed her to focus on herself and figure stuff out and it just makes everything 20x worse me talking to her today. She said she feels smothered and I need to just not contact her. She told me she just wants to be single right now to figure out things.

 

That night I came home and decided I have to respect wishes her if I ever want to have a chance with her. I did send her one last text because I was going crazy not being able to sleep telling her "the most important thing to me is that she gives me closure when she figures everything out, and to just not forget the 26 months we spent together and not to throw that away, I asked her to promise me verbal closure whether good or bad once she figures stuff out."

 

Now I sit here and every minute I am not busy with school or work I get heavy anxiety and feel the need to call or text her but I am forcing myself not to. The days go slow and it's very hard and depressing. My family and friends try to cheer me up but all I want is for her to understand I know I need to change and I really did get a reality check about my life by her doing this.

 

Please if anyone could give me any advice or words of wisdom and let me know how I can fight off this sadness and just wait it out, I would greatly appreciate it. I have never been this hurt in my entire life and still want to believe there is hope. I love this girl with all my heart and its just so hard to think 1 week ago everything was normal, and now I've lost my girlfriend and my best friend.

 

Thank you for reading, I am so sorry for the length.

 

Um...I think your girlfriend wants to be with another guy but doesn't know how to really get away from u to do it! I'm sorry u gotta suffer like this .

[Chi townD]

Um...I think your girlfriend wants to be with another guy but doesn't know how to really get away from u to do it! I'm sorry u gotta suffer like this .

 

 

I agree with this. Everything was fine and life was good, then she goes out to dinner with "somebody" and BAM!!! I'm not happy and you're kicked to the curb. I mean, it wasn't even weeks an months of feeling her pull away from you. It was WAY TOO abrupt! Something odd is going on here.

[Shaun-Dro]

I met my girlfriend a little bit over 2 years ago. We do not live together but live 15 minutes apart. She is 23 I am 25. We have always had a good relationship, I treat her like she deserves and she knows I love and care about her with every ounce of my heart. We talk about everything, every single thing but she has always been kind of quiet when it comes to confrontations. We have seriously not had one major fight and are always very loving and healthy when we are together. She is a very beautiful, honest and caring girl and that's what attracts me most to her. I know her family VERY well, as she knows mine. And we have talked about marriage many, many times in our lives. She has graduated college and has a job while I am in the last year and a half of my college and work sometimes for a real estate company. We have a very close relationship and literally speak to each other from the minute we wake up until right before shutting our eyes to sleep. She calls me everyday when she leaves work and we talk and we hang out 3-5 times a week.

 

On the 4th of July my girlfriend did not answer my texts or calls, the only text she sent me was "dinner with XXXXX" an old college friend of hers. I knew something was up but was unsure what.. later that night she finally texted me and told me that "she cannot be with me right now and we need to talk in person" So I immediately call her and she tells me that she has been unhappy lately and is not sure why. She really wants to be single and alone for a while to figure out what is making her unhappy. I fought on the phone and tried to change her mind, there was a lot of crying and emotions and she would not budge.

 

The next day I decided to go to her house and talk in person, this is when she told me again she just feels unhappy and has been like that for the past week. She doesn't know why and she has never been single so she wants to be alone to figure out what is wrong with her... she also told me that she feels like shes mothering me and that was part of it but not all of it. She feels like she has to tell me to "register for school, check on my homework, check my grades, make a dentist appointment, etc." The sad part is that is quite true and it broke my heart not knowing about it till it was too late. That night she was emotionless trying to hold everything in because she was not going to be persuaded by my tears and emotions.

 

This really gave me a reality check for the next 4 days I just thought about it and really decided I need to change and be more responsible and motivated on my own. I need to live to my full potential and not be lazy. I sent her a text letting her know I understand she needs space and I am going to work hard to show her that I have changed.

 

I am taking 2 summer classes and on mondays and wednesdays she is in the same building as one of my classes. I saw her yesterday in her car and could not breathe. I was stunned and I made eye contact with her so I ended up talking to her. I told her the same thing and asked her how she was feeling she said "shes good, and alright, and was very short" I was holding back on my emotions but it was so hard... I told her I missed her and she told me she knows, but she hasn't even had time to think because her friends have been talking to her telling her i'm talking to them.. etc. She told me that has not allowed her to focus on herself and figure stuff out and it just makes everything 20x worse me talking to her today. She said she feels smothered and I need to just not contact her. She told me she just wants to be single right now to figure out things.

 

That night I came home and decided I have to respect wishes her if I ever want to have a chance with her. I did send her one last text because I was going crazy not being able to sleep telling her "the most important thing to me is that she gives me closure when she figures everything out, and to just not forget the 26 months we spent together and not to throw that away, I asked her to promise me verbal closure whether good or bad once she figures stuff out."

 

Now I sit here and every minute I am not busy with school or work I get heavy anxiety and feel the need to call or text her but I am forcing myself not to. The days go slow and it's very hard and depressing. My family and friends try to cheer me up but all I want is for her to understand I know I need to change and I really did get a reality check about my life by her doing this.

 

Please if anyone could give me any advice or words of wisdom and let me know how I can fight off this sadness and just wait it out, I would greatly appreciate it. I have never been this hurt in my entire life and still want to believe there is hope. I love this girl with all my heart and its just so hard to think 1 week ago everything was normal, and now I've lost my girlfriend and my best friend.

 

Thank you for reading, I am so sorry for the length.

 

Clearly you've surrounded your happiness with this girl. In turn, things are no longer working out because you've probably never found other things outside of her to make you happy. This has come back to bite you.

 

I'm going to have to burst your bubble on this. I hope you're pretty strong because you need to be.

 

Women will never love men the way a man can love a woman. There are a countless number of songs on this topic and other themes. Women...they just don't have that feeling toward men. Sorry, but they just don't.

 

Now, don't get me wrong. Women can love. And they can love hard, but not in the way a man can love a woman. Women will love their children to the max. They'll also love their friends, often other women, just as much, but never the men in their lives, discounting a brother or father, perhaps.

 

This is something you must grasp and let digest. It's going to take time. I understand that. But you have to begin the process of it. And fast!

 

This is also why women always date scumbags and lowlives more often. It is the simple fact that these types of men don't give them love so easily. Women have to fight to earn it. But once she does, if she does, she will move on to something else. This is just her nature. God made her this way as sort of a trial and tribulation unto the male specie; something of a test men have to take and find a way to pass, time and again. We're all given tests, one way or another.

 

My last word of advice to you is this: don't ever love another woman the way you loved this one. Save that love for the Man upstairs, your sisters, your mother, anyone else who's important to you within your family. They will be the ones deserving of it. Above all, love yourself.

 

Now get up, dust yourself off, breathe for a moment, and go on living.

[Zammo25]

Clearly you've surrounded your happiness with this girl. In turn, things are no longer working out because you've probably never found other things outside of her to make you happy. This has come back to bite you.

 

I'm going to have to burst your bubble on this. I hope you're pretty strong because you need to be.

 

Women will never love men the way a man can love a woman. There are a countless number of songs on this topic and other themes. Women...they just don't have that feeling toward men. Sorry, but they just don't.

 

Now, don't get me wrong. Women can love. And they can love hard, but not in the way a man can love a woman. Women will love their children to the max. They'll also love their friends, often other women, just as much, but never the men in their lives, discounting a brother or father, perhaps.

 

This is something you must grasp and let digest. It's going to take time. I understand that. But you have to begin the process of it. And fast!

 

This is also why women always date scumbags and lowlives more often. It is the simple fact that these types of men don't give them love so easily. Women have to fight to earn it. But once she does, if she does, she will move on to something else. This is just her nature. God made her this way as sort of a trial and tribulation unto the male specie; something of a test men have to take and find a way to pass, time and again. We're all given tests, one way or another.

 

My last word of advice to you is this: don't ever love another woman the way you loved this one. Save that love for the Man upstairs, your sisters, your mother, anyone else who's important to you within your family. They will be the ones deserving of it. Above all, love yourself.

 

Now get up, dust yourself off, breathe for a moment, and go on living.

 

Wow. That is heavy. I do believe very strongly Men take break ups much harder than Women generally. It can literally destroy a Man but a Woman will have a new guy lined up. That's the way it was in my last 2 failed relationships and I spilled my guts for nothing. I know some of my friends now refuse to get involved with Women again as they say exactly what you say and they refuse to have their lives turned inside out again. Women move on far easier than Men and the love you had seems to count for ****. Whilst we are on here dying they are out there with another guy as if nothing of any meaning ever happened.

[fobosk]

UPDATE: 3rd day of NC. it's really hard still but her best friend of 14 years reached out to me yesterday and made me feel really good about things.

 

She told me that she has not mentioned to her once that she is planning on breaking up with me forever, she told her she just needs to figure out what is making her unhappy and anxious all the time around me, her work, her family, etc.

 

Her friend told me i just need to focus on myself and hope for the best. She said she is fighting for us and knows it'll be okay (which is awesome of her to say that)

 

Do you think my gf would have told her if she wanted to actually break up, or is it diff for diff girls personalities? Or do you think she really has just not figured it out and it being honest about just needing time to figure out stuff?

 

I want to be hopeful but i'm doing better either way I kind of am ready to accept the tough answer, but i think deep down inside i'm happier than i should be because I think there is hope.

 

 

PS. about there being another man. My girlfriend is very close to the Lord. I doubt she would ever do anything like that, her friend even laughed at me when I mentioned that she may be interested in someone else. She was very loyal to me, I really think it's becuase I was being a boy and she wants a responsible man who can keep her head straight and so she can picture a real future with me, not just an imaginary one.

 

What do you guys think, if I was to change like I plan on doing (not 100% changing, just making better decisions and spending my time more wisely, not just sitting gaming all day) would she actually come back? Or is this far-fetched and I should just give up? I plan on keeping NC till she contacts me, which i hope isn't too far away.

Edited July 12, 2012 by fobosk

[KatZee]

I also have to agree with everyone else. It's most likely over. My boyfriend pulled the same thing. "I need to be single, I'm unhappy, I need to figure out things" blah blah blah.

 

Took him two months after the break up to finally grow a sack and tell me the truth. That he never had any intention of getting back together with me DESPITE! telling me that he could see us starting fresh, that he still loved me, that I was his best friend, and blah blah blah.

 

Basically the moral of the story: WATCH HER ACTIONS, NOT HER WORDS. She can talk until she's blue the in face. You can hang on to every single word she says. At the end of the day, her words MEAN NOTHING. Her actions however, tell a different story. She told you to STOP CONTACTING HER.

 

That means, for right now, she doesn't want you in her life. As hard of a pill that is to swallow, you need to just start living life as if she's never coming back. I know it sucks, because you've given a lot of yourself, but that's something you need to learn and take with you into future relationships. Do NOT make your world all about someone else. You need to retain your own identity, and your own independence, and your own aspect of life.

 

Also, I have to agree with the person who said she wants to date some one else. That's how females operate (I'm female and I pulled this same stunt). Women RARELY will walk out of a relationship unless they have something waiting for them. My opinion is that she is having feelings for someone else, and she wants to explore those feelings. (Of course she's not going to tell you this. She's going to tell you all sorts of other things to break up with you "gently.") I did this with one of my exes. I met another guy while I was dating him. I had been unhappy and once the other guy told me he liked me, I ended it with my boyfriend and was finally given a reason to officially leave.

 

Don't go about your life as if you're "waiting this out." You could be waiting the rest of your life, and you really need to start working on yourself, and creating a new, fulfilling, and happy life. Without this girl.

[fobosk]

I also have to agree with everyone else. It's most likely over. My boyfriend pulled the same thing. "I need to be single, I'm unhappy, I need to figure out things" blah blah blah.

 

Took him two months after the break up to finally grow a sack and tell me the truth. That he never had any intention of getting back together with me DESPITE! telling me that he could see us starting fresh, that he still loved me, that I was his best friend, and blah blah blah.

 

Basically the moral of the story: WATCH HER ACTIONS, NOT HER WORDS. She can talk until she's blue the in face. You can hang on to every single word she says. At the end of the day, her words MEAN NOTHING. Her actions however, tell a different story. She told you to STOP CONTACTING HER.

 

That means, for right now, she doesn't want you in her life. As hard of a pill that is to swallow, you need to just start living life as if she's never coming back. I know it sucks, because you've given a lot of yourself, but that's something you need to learn and take with you into future relationships. Do NOT make your world all about someone else. You need to retain your own identity, and your own independence, and your own aspect of life.

 

Also, I have to agree with the person who said she wants to date some one else. That's how females operate (I'm female and I pulled this same stunt). Women RARELY will walk out of a relationship unless they have something waiting for them. My opinion is that she is having feelings for someone else, and she wants to explore those feelings. (Of course she's not going to tell you this. She's going to tell you all sorts of other things to break up with you "gently.") I did this with one of my exes. I met another guy while I was dating him. I had been unhappy and once the other guy told me he liked me, I ended it with my boyfriend and was finally given a reason to officially leave.

 

Don't go about your life as if you're "waiting this out." You could be waiting the rest of your life, and you really need to start working on yourself, and creating a new, fulfilling, and happy life. Without this girl.

 

Great advice and I respect what you're saying.

 

The thing about her seeing another guy, the only reason I think it's really not the case is becuase now when I look back on it, she really did tell me ALL the time to register for school, take care of my stuff, (basically mothered me) and it displeased her.

 

Do you think she could be taking the break until she sees i am more mature and I am making decisions on my own and know what I want in life. Or is it for sure another guy? Like I said earlier, her best friend of 14 years, and myself knowing her so well she really isn't the type of girl to do that... she was always VERY loyal. She hasn't even changed her facebook status, it still says we are in a relationship and I never really go on facebook but I just noticed that today.

 

Either way I am sticking to NC like she said she wanted.

[KatZee]

Great advice and I respect what you're saying.

 

The thing about her seeing another guy, the only reason I think it's really not the case is becuase now when I look back on it, she really did tell me ALL the time to register for school, take care of my stuff, (basically mothered me) and it displeased her.

 

Do you think she could be taking the break until she sees i am more mature and I am making decisions on my own and know what I want in life. Or is it for sure another guy? Like I said earlier, her best friend of 14 years, and myself knowing her so well she really isn't the type of girl to do that... she was always VERY loyal. She hasn't even changed her facebook status, it still says we are in a relationship and I never really go on facebook but I just noticed that today.

 

Either way I am sticking to NC like she said she wanted.

 

No, I think she gave you the chance to be more mature WHILE you two were together (even if she didn't come out and be honest about the unhappiness.) My ex did this as well. He remained silent throughout the whole relationship about what was bothering him. It was only when he was on the brink of dumping me that he came out with all this crap about what he didn't like about me and what made him unhappy.

 

Honestly, this made me resent him. I'm not a mind reader, and neither are you. If she was having issues throughout the relationship of feeling like a "mother" then she should have opened her mouth and said so.

 

She didn't, and neither did my ex. And as a result of that the unhappiness built and built and by the time these kinds of people come out and tell you, they're just done. And there's nothing you can do.

 

All I know, is that you can never really know a person, even if you think you do. At the end of the day, they will always surprise you.