Blocked over possible rebound girl?

[OddFuture]

Me and my ex were together for 10 months before we broke up. We spent the whole of summer 2011 together and got on great. We rarely argued and when we did it was over tiny misunderstandings.. nothing we couldn't get over as a couple. He started university last September (in our city) and moved into dorms away from family for the year. He found this difficult and his behaviour started to change by December.

 

He became friends with typical 'jack the lad' guys.. i didnt think anything of it at first until he started paying less attention to me by January this year (slow text replies etc) i confronted him on it and he apologized saying that hes just spending him time with friends and being alone wasn't any good for him.. Things picked up a bit until the end of february where he asked for 'a break' confessing he couldn't mentally handle a relationship due to problems (his dad was diagnosed with dementia, he was receiving bad grades and was taking hard drugs under peer pressure).

 

I agreed to the break.. after a week apart i contacted him asking where i stood, he said he didn't want a relationship.. I was completely devastated. He carried on speaking to me regularly and seeing me every week up untill the end of April (we were acting like a couple without the label of it). I kept asking him where i stood to which hed respond 'were friends' when sober and then confessing how much he loved me when drunk.

 

During those 2 months i spent time with his friends getting to know them better. I soon realised one guy in particular was extremely big headed (we'll call him Luke in this case). Lukes your typical pretty boy whose loud,confident and disrespectful. I noticed my ex often played up to Lukes actions thinking if he copied him it was 'cool'.. I didnt say anything but i could tell my ex thought Luke was something special and he had to do the things he did to remain 'friends' with him. Luke would often pass remarks about me in front of my ex (to which he always stopped him) and was two faced around me. One second hed be complimenting me and saying how great me and my ex were together and the next hed insult my friends and 'tease' me on my appearance. It was as if Luke had a problem with me and obviously those things made me dislike him but for the sake of my ex i grit my teeth and got on with it.

 

For the whole of May my ex barley contacted me, This was extremely difficult as i had to adjust to not seeing him.. and i had no idea what was going on. I approached him again asking where i stood to which he responded 'were friends' (looking rather depressed).. although 2 weeks previous to that he went to massive lengths of declaring his love for me. Later on in that month my ex started dating a girl he barley knew. I approached him about it to which he apologized to me saying he was 'pressured into' being with her. I passed this off as an excuse untill he mentioned that his new girlifriend was the sister of Luke. I was completely gob smacked. Luke had known/seen me and my ex together over a period of 9 months and knew everything that had happened between the both of us.

 

The last month or so my ex has contacted me via facebook chat several times as we were friends before ever dating one another. We get on really well. He told me how things with lukes sister were 'difficult' and how she was 'unbearable' to be with as she was controlling. I completely changed subject as i assumed my ex was playing the sympathy card and we carried on speaking as we usually do.

 

I last spoke to my ex on sunday night, where he told me lukes sister dislikes him speaking to me as shes insecure since im the 'ex'. I told him not to keep in touch as itd cause problems to which he replied 'i dont care if she knows im speaking to you, im not doing anything wrong, were just friends'. We spoke for several hours via skype and it was as if we hadnt spent time apart, we were laughing and joking and reminiscing about old times.He went on to tell me he wants to break up with lukes sister but fears doing so with lose his friendship with luke and other friends.

 

Today i logged onto facebook and realised my ex has blocked me. Ive not spoken to him since sunday and hes only removed me although he has my family/friends on his facebook. I dont understand why hed do this? We regularly speak to one another and strictly keep our conversations to a 'friendship level' and havent once argued. I admit im still in love with my ex, but ive been trying to move on with life and my feelings have weakend towards him but this is confusing me.

 

Where do i go from here? Accepting hes blocked me is harder as it seems as i have to see him everyday from late September onwards as im starting university in the same building as him. I dont want ill feelings but i cant help but feel anger right now. Someone help

[AlexanderJames]

Lots to take in here.

For starters you mentioned he has a lot of problems within himself and close to his heart. That and drugs and peer pressure can make people do stupid things.

 

The telling you you're friends then that he loves you then friends is stupid, petty and unfair. Thats not on. If he tells you he loves you you need to tell him to either show you and make things right or never say it again. Theyre empty words without the effort to make you feel loved.

 

As for the facebook thing. Facebooks f***ing bulls***. You say your feelings for him are weakening? How often do you go out and have fun with people? Or get tagged in photo's or status updates with other guys or people he knows? How often do you post happy status' or status' about where you are and what your up to? Do other guys chat you up on photo comments and status? Do you flirt back?

 

Any of these things could make him block you not because he has a rebound, but because seeing you spread your wings and going off on your own having fun and being successful without him hurts him. Maybe he blocked you through fear of seeing you have a rebound. I know I blocked my ex because I didnt want to see photo's of her all pretted up in town or her getting hit on on status updates.

 

Or maybe he's just trying to move on and go NC one step at a time. Who knows.

 

My advice on where to go from here is to distance yourself. Step back and take a look at yourself, who you are, who you want to be and decide where you want to go from here. Cut him out for a while, dont check up on him on facebook or txt or call him or his friends. I'm not saying ignore him all together. But make yourself abscent for now to allow yourself to heal and move on. If it bugs him enough he will come knocking. If it doesnt then at least you're already on your way to getting on with your life.

[AlexanderJames]

And as for the feelings of anger well that happenes to most everyone during every break up.

 

Be prepared to feel sadness, resentment, guilt, confusion, anger, hatred, remorse, fear, lonliness, helplessness, worthlessness and much more. We all feel these, unfortunately we have no control of it either. All we can do is Identify the feeling, why we feel it, reassure ourselves it will pass and its a natural process and let it pass in time.

 

Just dont let it set you back. Dont take you anger out on him or anything. Yell into a pillow and punch a punching bag or something. Get it out good and fast. Gym works wonders for that.

 

Can I ask is he your first real relationship? Is this your first big breakup?

[Pod81]

I will chime in with my 2 cents. Does it matter why he's blocking you from facebook? No matter what the reason is, the fact of the matter is that he doesn't love you nearly as much as you love him. Over-analyzing the details will only serve to drive you mad!

 

Even if he comes back, are you willing to accept being his number 2 option?? I agree with AlexanderJames about distancing yourself from him. If he were to come back, I would tread vERY carefully with this guy as he seems very immature. You know what they say - you are who you hang out with. And this case is no exception.

[CC12]

Look, sorry to say this, but you've been an absolute doormat to this guy.

 

He "takes a break" from you, proceeds to lead you on by acting like a boyfriend while telling you, "we're just friends" and giving you mixed signals, allows his friends to "tease" you about your appearance, then starts dating someone else. And to all this, you remain available to him and just say, "Well, where do I stand?" and "What should I do now?"

 

Do nothing. Never contact or respond to him again. End the friendship. He has made his decision. He chose to be with someone else (who probably demanded that he block you on Facebook, btw) so stop being there for him. Be done with him and move on.