StrangeBehaviors Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 LoveShack is often used as a coping mechanism for breakups. Could it also be considered harmful? Delaying closure? Many discover benefits and drawbacks to "No Contact" here and if it might be necessary. A "No Contact" situation is to remove thought of an ex and promote faster closure. Meanwhile, staying at LoveShack is a constant reminder of the relationship. If one is in "No Contact", should they also be in "No Contact" with LoveShack?
TooHonest123 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago... I joined this website yesterday...since i really have nobody else to talk to it has provided me with a place to recieve advice from people who have more experienced than me , it has allowed me to vent out my trapped emotions, and it has provided me with countless examples of what other people are going through. Here I have recieved nothing but support and i have a new found strength in terms of optimism. Love shack has definetly helped me out. It feels good to know you are not the only one going through certain issues. ***i joined the site two days ago but have been reading the forum for a month and a half Edited July 11, 2012 by TooHonest123 missing information 1
Author StrangeBehaviors Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago... I joined this website yesterday...since i really have nobody else to talk to it has provided me with a place to recieve advice from people who have more experienced than me , it has allowed me to vent out my trapped emotions, and it has provided me with countless examples of what other people are going through. Here I have recieved nothing but support and i have a new found strength in terms of optimism. Love shack has definetly helped me out. It feels good to know you are not the only one going through certain issues. ***i joined the site two days ago but have been reading the forum for a month and a half You've been in No Contact with this person for two months?
TooHonest123 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Sadly No. Since my emotions have gotten the best of me. And my view on No Contact is slightly different. Most people say strict no contact, but i tend to approach the situation differently. Here you can find alot of information, doesnt necessarily mean one must do everything one sees (or reads) i take all the information and make my own conclusions. The area where this forum has helped me the most is in understanding relationships. Not weather i should do NC...that is a similar yet different topic for me. But trust me... The exact point of your post has definetly crossed my mind. I have often thought to myself...*Should i just avoid reading about relationships?* it all just depends how you handle the information you take in. 1
carhill Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 IDK, been through an affair and a D on LS and have talked a lot, as my post count indicates. I haven't seen any 'harm' of note in my experience here. Perhaps it could be harmful for others. I saw it, in the beginning, as great feedback adjunct to marriage counseling with a professional psychologist. Later, and now, I just discuss things and share life experience. It's a community hangout. 2
Author StrangeBehaviors Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Sadly No. Since my emotions have gotten the best of me. And my view on No Contact is slightly different. Most people say strict no contact, but i tend to approach the situation differently. Here you can find alot of information, doesnt necessarily mean one must do everything one sees (or reads) i take all the information and make my own conclusions. The area where this forum has helped me the most is in understanding relationships. Not weather i should do NC...that is a similar yet different topic for me. But trust me... The exact point of your post has definetly crossed my mind. I have often thought to myself...*Should i just avoid reading about relationships?* it all just depends how you handle the information you take in. Thanks for your input. While there are multiple consistencies and experiences here to warrant some consideration, there may never be a wide brush to cover all breakups & how one should do things. A "love" relationship is an addiction of sorts. Leaving it is removing the drug. The most effective way to stop addictions of any type that I have read about or seen is a "Cold Turkey" approach. (Everyone start Googling now if you want.) It seems that a Forum or other outlet can be a continuing enabler towards the drug. Drug=Relationship. Just thinking that after some learning, a little bit of coping, bargaining, acceptance.....that continued participation could be in direct opposition to "No Contact" or even "Limited Contact". Kind of like an alcoholic just having two beers to cope.
TooHonest123 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Thanks for your input. While there are multiple consistencies and experiences here to warrant some consideration, there may never be a wide brush to cover all breakups & how one should do things. A "love" relationship is an addiction of sorts. Leaving it is removing the drug. The most effective way to stop addictions of any type that I have read about or seen is a "Cold Turkey" approach. (Everyone start Googling now if you want.) It seems that a Forum or other outlet can be a continuing enabler towards the drug. Drug=Relationship. Just thinking that after some learning, a little bit of coping, bargaining, acceptance.....that continued participation could be in direct opposition to "No Contact" or even "Limited Contact". Kind of like an alcoholic just having two beers to cope. What if....lets say you suffer from alcoholism= heartbreak ...and after you attend AA meetings=Forum support? .... I dont know if this makes sense lol...just a thought Edited July 11, 2012 by TooHonest123 mistake
Author StrangeBehaviors Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 What if....lets say you suffer from alcoholism= drug....and after you attend AA meetings=Forum support? .... I dont know if this makes sense lol...just a thought That's a nice way to look at it I suppose. LoveShack=Break Up or Relationship AA The counter to that is that alcoholics are alcoholics for life. Does anyone want to be a love-aholic needing a support Forum for life?
LoverOfDance Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I think I understand why you think loveshack could be harmful. I actually still feel somehow connected to my past(the events that brought me here) because of loveshack. Every time I log in, I remember why I came here in the first place. Regardless of that, I don't think loveshack is more harmful than it is helpful. This forum has actually helped me a lot. I have realized that no matter how difficult and painful your situation is, there is always someone else experiencing something much worse. I've been NC 4 almost 2 months now. It wasn't my first time trying NC. I had tried it previously(almost 8 times I think) and failed hopelessly. This time, I don't think I'm going back. Didn't think I could do it but I think I finally succeeded after so many failed attempts. Whatever I felt really was like a drug 4 me. When I read about other people here who had been through worse and survived, I was inspired. Loveshack is not my main source of strength(my mum is. She has been very helpful to me since I told her about what I was going through) but it has definitely helped me a lot. So yeah, I think I can confidently say the benefits of being on loveshack by far surpasses it's drawbacks:)
Mariana345 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I know what you mean, that been here and thinking about the relationship by reading and posting won't make us forget, which is pretty much the intention. But you know, sometimes you just need to feel that someone empathizes with you, and know other histories as yours to know that you will be fine at some point. I tell you, my friends wouldn't endure this much weeping from me anymore XD But being here calms me, and I can find the strength to keep moving forward
CopingGal Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah. I've let it out over 1,000 times here. But I've been thinking about limiting my time here. I'm starting to feel like I'm going backwards. When LS was down for three days, I really took a big leap in my recovery. Now I'm sliding backwards. It's wonderful if you just break up, but after a point I think it can be a little counterproductive. So I'm going to limite my time...I think. It's actually hard for me to let LS go, even for a while.
Sugarkane Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah. I've let it out over 1,000 times here. But I've been thinking about limiting my time here. I'm starting to feel like I'm going backwards. When LS was down for three days, I really took a big leap in my recovery. Now I'm sliding backwards. It's wonderful if you just break up, but after a point I think it can be a little counterproductive. So I'm going to limite my time...I think. It's actually hard for me to let LS go, even for a while. I know I am guilty of this too. And I don't have anywhere else to vent and try to get answers from. I can relate to people on here. Where as other insincere people in my life were callous or told me they understand, even though they've never been through any similar. That annoyed me more than anything. I get addicted to reading people's stories and wonder what happens to people. I wish the second chances forum would disappear, it gives false hope to the rest of us.
Thisisbs Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Making an account on LS and talking to people that very little to no bias on my situation is very helpful and eye opening. I didn't find closure until I visited this site, and constantly broke NC before visiting this site. I learned a lot about relationships in general on this site and although a lot of the outcomes may not be directly related, I can safely say that LS has helped me through my breakup.
amaysngrace Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Meanwhile, staying at LoveShack is a constant reminder of the relationship. If you dwell in the break-up forum then yea this could happen. But if you go to other forums it may actually help take your mind off of your failed relationship.
Author StrangeBehaviors Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Thanks all. Starting to think that all interaction on the internet is addictive giving everyone a little dose of dopamine with each desired result. 1
Billie The Puppet Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Like going NC with the ex, you eventually go NC with Loveshack I tend just to pop in every now and then mainly wanted to check up on threads I've related to when I first started coming here and what do you know they are buried and can no longer be replied to.
stillafool Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I do feel that too much time spent on LS reading about failed relationships and such is not healthy for those trying to recover from heartbreak. I think it would be more beneficial to get out and do physical things and meet new people.
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