justdoit12 Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I met Luke three 1/2 weeks ago. He has a great sense of humor, intelligent, and seems to have his head on straight and no baggage. BTW, we met online, the first 4 days we talked every night on the phone for 3 hours. He lives where I plan on moving, so since I needed to search the area for a house, Luke talked me into coming down to stay that weekend for 3 days. He then talked me out of staying at my hotel. We had a great time. But, he only knew me for 6 days ... when he tells me he loves me. The next weekend he came up to my town for 3 days, we still talked every night prior to the weekend on the phone, for hours. Each night I really needed sleep, but he didnt want to hang up...these calls were 3 or more hours ...til 2 am. We are both in our young 30's. We talked every night again on week three, 3 hours or so each night.... each week night he acts lost if I say I am tired....seems hurt if I try to end the conversation. I was just there at his place 4 days this past weekend. I am supposed to go there again this coming weekend. Luke keeps in very close contact with me so I feel as though I have actually known him longer than I have. He is absolutely enamored with me, which I am enjoying to the fullest; and is so completely opposite to most guys I have dated here recently...however, I am beginning to feel smothered with some of his actions/talk. Luke has made it perfectly clear he wants to see me every weekend, talk every night and email during the day and is already talking about moving in with me when I move there. Arranging trips for us to take down the road. It seems as though he has our lives laid out, and we just met. He is already talking marriage. Now I find myself asking questions and need some fresh input to my dilemma, do I just go along with this romantic fling in hopes things work themselves out, or get him to somehow slow down some? Or run like hell?? I really love him and being with him, but his feelings might be a bit stronger. He has these moments when he says this is so hard (long disance) and sounds so down and out, asks me if I am bored with him and tells me that he loves me more. Some of his actions make me believe he is/would be a control freak/stalker. Any fresh outlook you can put on this scene.
DerangedAngel Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Running like hell sounds pretty good to me. If you can't find it in yourself to do that, you're going to have to be brutally honest with the guy that he is moving way too fast. Good luck with that. -DA
Fetish 2 Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Ok if this happened to me, I would be freaking out and also running like hell. But, you surprisingly still seem quite interested in this guy and the fact that you seem to be willing to work at it tells me that you are willing to give it a go. So I agree with Deranged Angel...You're going to have to be brutally honest and tell him that he is smothering you and moving at way too fast a speed-so fast that it is scaring you away. I've found that while females find it very easy to become interested in a male/female (whatever tickles your fancy ) once they become involved in the relationship, the tables turn and the males fall faster and harder. He may not realise that he is smothering you...therefore you have to make it obvious. While i don't want to stereotype- males have been known to be a bit thick in relationship issues..and I've heard more than once that males need to be spelt out what us "complicating and mysterious subjects" are thinking. Give him a while to try and improve upon this. If he doesen't, sorry girly.. you have to start the running.
annabelle Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I also have a story almost exactly like this. I met this great guy, everything I could want in a guy, and he completely freaked me out by telling me he loved me the first week of the relationship. I ended up doing what everybody has suggested--running the hell away. Now, however, whenever I meet a new guy, I always compare him to this other guy--nobody's ever as compatible as we were, and I still haven't found that instant connection that we had. I really wish I hadn't ended things the way I had, that I had instead told him that it was moving too fast for me and asked him to slow down--which I'm sure he would've, as I'm sure your guy will. -Annabelle
Author justdoit12 Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 Originally posted by DerangedAngel Running like hell sounds pretty good to me. If you can't find it in yourself to do that, you're going to have to be brutally honest with the guy that he is moving way too fast. Good luck with that. -DA Hi DA Thank you for your thoughts. I am completely confused as what to do. Do I go this weekend or stay home, it's my B-Day and he wants to spend it with me, but on the other hand my gut feeling is that I should cease the relationship beforehand.
Author justdoit12 Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 Originally posted by Fetish #2 Ok if this happened to me, I would be freaking out and also running like hell. But, you surprisingly still seem quite interested in this guy and the fact that you seem to be willing to work at it tells me that you are willing to give it a go. Hello Fetish#2 Thanks for the reply! It's hard...I can't help but wonder would I be making a mistake by kicking him to the curb? Is he really just so in love and not psycho? Will he let me pee without standing outside the door...or will he watch every move? I dunno.... And the longer you date someone, the harder it is to break it off.
Author justdoit12 Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 Originally posted by annabelle I also have a story almost exactly like this. I met this great guy, everything I could want in a guy, and he completely freaked me out by telling me he loved me the first week of the relationship. I ended up doing what everybody has suggested--running the hell away. Now, however, whenever I meet a new guy, I always compare him to this other guy--nobody's ever as compatible as we were, and I still haven't found that instant connection that we had. I really wish I hadn't ended things the way I had, that I had instead told him that it was moving too fast for me and asked him to slow down--which I'm sure he would've, as I'm sure your guy will. -Annabelle Great to hear from you Annabelle! I know if I tell him we need to slow down, he will freak or be really depressed. On the phone at times and in person - he questions me, such as " do you still love me" and "I love you more", plus "I want you here right now...when are you moving" ...and just last night --- > " I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel" plus...."we need to stay in close contact" (my god....have we not)?? and "are you bored with me". Hence my hasty message last night...thank god I found this forum. The way he looks at me, at times I think its so cute and loving, but then others I feel like he wants to tie me up and keep me prisoner. Like eyes that pierce through your soul...trying to read your every thought. Is this real love? Infatuation? Is he normal? You can see my dilemma
Author justdoit12 Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 Please all .... I need advice Should I still visit him this weekend like he is asking? Do you guys think he is normal, infatuated, psycho? Sometimes I think he has low self esteem, which makes me feel even worse if I end it. Please help Confused
Netprophet Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I want to add well, a guy's persepective, been there done that, ended up having the girl run off, grew up and realised, I didn't know what I was doing and wished she'd have said something...in other words, honesty is a great thing if a relationship is worth being in. And you sound like you do enjoy his company, so tell him, that it is great, but you are getting a bit overwhelmed by all the constant contact, ask for some breathing room, we all need our space and our own time. I'm in a relationship right now where I've learned that really liking someone means moving at a pace they can handle, and it's been the most fulfilling relationship I've been in. I'm 33, she's 30, we've both been around a while, like you two, adults can be honest with each other in ways that when I was teen I will admit, I wasn't the best at doing in a relationship. So try the truth, my girlfriend does and even if sometimes it isn't always what I want to hear, it has helped us to build up trust that she needs to be with me, and let me know what I need to do to make her happy, which in turn, makes her want to be with me. So I am winning in both cases, what I want, her. Hope this helps...
Author justdoit12 Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 thank you Netprophet...a guys viewpoint is welcomed.
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