Got into an argument with my girlfriend...AM I WRONG?!?!?!

[BlackRook]

This is gonna be long, so please bear with me! I need help! OK I'm talking on the phone to my girlfriend and she tells me that she wants to take the charm off of the charmbracelet that I gave her for this past Valentine's Day and put it on a charmbracelet from highschool that she just found and I got mad for a couple of reasons. The charmbracelet was a symbolic gift and the plan was that I would get her a new charm every Valentine's day and it'd represent our relationship growing and becoming fuller each year plus I paid $70 for the charm and bracelet (that's a nice amount for a college student). My first gift to her was a necklace that I paid $90 for. I had to raise the money by prostituting my mind and doing other people's work!!! She kept had it for a year then broke the clasp this past december and hasn't gotten it fixed yet.

 

I was heated about the charm bracelet thing but then she bought up how she loved the necklace so much and how it was important to her and I got even more upset. I told her that if she liked it then fine but don't make it seem like it's so important and meaned so much because, to me, if it was so important she would've gotten it fixed in the past 7 months since it's been broken. Once I said that she told me that it's taken so long becuase: its always slipped her mind, she wanted to get the clasp fixed but couldn't find it, either she had the time or money (but never both at the same time) and she's so forgetful etc. I mentioned that maybe I should just get her stuff besides jewelery and she says that she loves jewelery and what I've gotten her but all I know is that the two items I've bought her ( both mean something special and aren't just 'gifts') with my hard earned money are being pushed aside in one way or another.

 

I just think that she doesn't really value the gifts as much as she's trying to portray and I told her that. She gets mad and tells me that it's not my right to say how much she values the things I've given her because I'm not her but all I have to go on is her actions concerning my gifts. She ended up getting LIVID so I just apologized to end the conversation but what I want to know is was I wrong in getting upset or assuming the gifts didn't mean as much to her as she was trying to tell me? I mean concerning the chain if it was THAT special to her she would've gotten it fixed within 7 MONTHS instead of telling me that she was 'getting around to it'! What do you all think...

[DerangedAngel]

What do you all think...

 

I think if you were on the outside looking in, you would have gotten a few laughs from your post.

 

Two examples, first of all:

 

1). An ex boyfriend of mine bought me a locket one year for Christmas that I loved! He spent forever picking it out because I am extremely picky with jewelry, and wanted something very plain, yet feminine. Most lockets these days are engraved or encrusted with some gem, blah blah. I wore it constantly, but never got around to putting a picture in it. Every time he asked me, I was like whoa, I need to do that. But did I? No. Our relationship ended with the locket empty, tucked in a jewelry box, as I do not like to wear the same piece day in day out.

 

2). More currently, a while back when I was visiting my boyfriend I noticed that he wasn't wearing the watch I had bought him, which he had been wearing around me all the time since I gave it to him. His story was "Oh, I left it at home." Me: "You what? You left it at home? *sob sob* (this is exaggerated by the way, to make a point) You didn't wear the clothes I got you for your birthday either! Don't you love me? Are you embarrassed of the things I pick out for you?!" He wore the watch after that, ha. And he had worn the clothes. It was a totally silly conversation.

 

I'm sure she loves the jewelry and the reasons she is giving you sound honest enough. I hate to say it this way, because I know it is important to you as you made sweet gestures, but it's just a necklace. And a bracelet. Not an engagement ring, or wedding band. She's still your girlfriend. She appreciates (and enjoys) your gifts. She loves you. The way you feel about each other is gonna be what counts, and what makes or breaks you. Not how long it took her to get the clasp on her necklace fixed.

 

If this didn't help, and you need someone to praise your efforts and selections, I'm in Tennessee and I adore jewelry. So mail me some.

 

-Deranged

[marty453]

Dude,

 

I think you're going overboard...don't worry about this minor detail.

 

It's not whether she wears the jewellery that matters. It's how she treats you, how you treat her. How you make each other feel. Do you laugh together? Are you happy together? Do you like her company?

 

Don't attach too much importance to material things, they come and go.

[Pyrannaste]

Did you tell her that you were planning to give her a new charm on every valentine's day? If not, perhaps the thought didn't even cross her mind.

I can understand how you feel -I guess it would bother me too- but thinking about it, if she didn't value your gifts she would have just worn her high school charm bracelet *instead* of the one you gave her.

And next valentine or the one after the next when she gets a couple more charms she might put back the first charm on the bracelet you gave her, with the others.

 

About not fixing the necklace....it could mean nothing. My favourite piece of jewelry is a very finely wrought silver and moonstone bracelet.

It broke two years ago and it could be easily fixed but I haven't had it fixed yet, because just like your gf it slipped off my mind or I didn't have the time/money. And I absolutely adore that bracelet. I'd be awfully upset if I lost it even if I hadn't worn it in years. It can be the same for your gf with the necklace.

 

Also, if I had to have repaired any piece of jewelry I got from my bf, wearing it would not be the same thing to me afterwards. I'd hate the thought of someone -even a goldsmith!- handling a preciousssssssss present from my bf. So I'd probably keep it broken. I know this sounds weird but it was just to tell you, one can genuinely love a necklace she got from her SO and not hurry up to have it fixed for a ton of different reasons.

 

Believe her when she says she loves what she gets from you

[HokeyReligions]

I understand you being upset. The gifts we give are symbols of our love and to see a gift treated with disrespect or abandon, can make us feel that our love is treated the same way.

 

I also know that men view things like this a bit differently. I know that from therapy and seeing how my attitude about some things effected my husband. If I didn't like a movie we went to, he took it personally. He had no control over the movie. He had no say in how I liked it. But it still hurt his feelings so even if I don't like a movie, I will find positive things about the evening so that he feels like he was a success.

 

Anyway, you have every right to be upset for whatever reason you choose. You can choose to not be upset too. Talk to her calmly and explain how it makes you feel. Then let it go. The gifts were given to her. They belong to her now and its her choice what to do with them.

 

I, too, have broken jewelry in a box (what IS it with us gals? LOL!) that I could easily have repaired but just never seem to Get Around To It.

[tiger_nip]

your making a fuss out of nothing.

How about you concentrate on how she is towards you and not your gifts?

 

I think you should be more concerned of how you upset your girl with your psycho thinking.