Dating: Supply Of Men Vs. Supply Of Women

July 10, 2012

I have always wondered this. This really confuses me. Somebody please enlighten me on this.

In the USA, there is roughly the same number of men and women (am I right on that much?).

So it would seem to me, that the number of men seeking women, and the number of women seeking men, would be roughly the same amount of people (roughly - I mean, 50 / 50, not like 20 / 80 ).

If that is the case (if there is pretty much the same number of single men out there as there are single women) - aren't the odds of finding a mate the same for both sexes?

I know, in online dating, men say that women have all the power. But, how is that true, just going by the numbers? Even if some of the women don't respond to the men who send them an email to say hello via online dating - don't the women have to eventually respond to some of the men? Or else, they would be single women forever?

Let's say the really good looking, tall guys making big money, get lots of women responding to them. And then the marry one of the hundred chicks who sent them an email. Where do the other 99 women go?

What I am saying it, doesn't it all balance out eventually? How could it be that only the handsome, tall, wealthy men could get women? What would happen to all the other women? They don't just go live in a cave. They are still out there, dating, right?

So, doesn't it stand to reason that there are equal amounts of single men and women out there available for dating?

Even, perhaps, equal amounts of both men and women who drop out of the dating scene entirely, and just live out life alone?

How is it that women have all the power in dating? If there were crowds of women chasing the tall, handsome, rich guys, and the rich guys marry one, and then the crowd of women moves to the next rich guy, eventually, wouldn't the women get tired of pursueing the tall, handsome, rich guys, and either drop out of dating, or settle for an average guy?

I know this sounds silly. I just don't understand, theoretically, and going by the sheer numbers of singles alone, how women could have so much more power over men, in the dating scene.

Here's one other anecdote. My ex husband is online dating. He is fairly short (5'8"), not rich (blue collar), and not particularly handsome (he's 45, he's ok looking, maybe above-average for the men online at his age, he is not very overweight, maybe 20 pounds or so, he is in fairly decent shape, and somewhat above average looking, blond, blue eyes, but not drop dead gorgeous). He is not a particularly great conversationalist, and his profile is just run of the mill, nothing special.

So having said that, I happen to know he has lots of women that he is going out on dates with, LOTS. They are average to above average looking, and around his age.

So why are there so many guys around here that say you must be tall, handsome and rich to get dates online? I don't get this at all. And, my ex-husband seems to prove otherwise, from his experience.

Does anyone have any input on this 'balance of power' in the dating scene? This is an honest question. Thanks!!

I tend to think,

July 10, 2012

He's 45 darling, at 45 women no longer wield the power they once did.

Additionally there's the fact ( historically and to this day ) that a small group of men has sex with all the women. For example when I was a teenager quite a few girls our age were no longer virgins while most guys in my school were, why? Because of one guy with a 12" personality. None of that drastically changes over time.

Edited July 10, 2012 by Algermas

July 10, 2012

So, fill me in on the dynamics of dating for a man at his age. So, a 45 year old man, average looking, blue collar, average salary, is not going to have any trouble meeting women his age and his status?

Is it just the younger guys in their twenties that have a hard time on the dating scene in finding women?

Could you explain how this works, by the sheer numbers?

For example, is it true then, than folks in their 40's are fairly equally balanced in power on the dating scene? They don't have the trouble that the guys in their 20's have, finding women?

Or will women in their 40's have a difficult time finding dating partners?

In your opinion of course, Algermas. And Algermas, are you a man in your 20's, 30's, or 40's? I would like to know who's life experience I am getting feedback from, it helps me in the learning process. THanks!!

July 10, 2012

So, fill me in on the dynamics of dating for a man at his age. So, a 45 year old man, average looking, blue collar, average salary, is not going to have any trouble meeting women his age and his status?

Is it just the younger guys in their twenties that have a hard time on the dating scene in finding women?

Could you explain how this works, by the sheer numbers?

For example, is it true then, than folks in their 40's are fairly equally balanced in power on the dating scene? They don't have the trouble that the guys in their 20's have, finding women?

Or will women in their 40's have a difficult time finding dating partners?

In your opinion of course, Algermas.

I'll draw you up a chart in paint, give me a few minutes.

July 10, 2012

Here's one other anecdote. My ex husband is online dating. He is fairly short (5'8"), not rich (blue collar), and not particularly handsome (he's 45, he's ok looking, maybe above-average for the men online at his age, he is not very overweight, maybe 20 pounds or so, he is in fairly decent shape, and somewhat above average looking, blond, blue eyes, but not drop dead gorgeous). He is not a particularly great conversationalist, and his profile is just run of the mill, nothing special.

You're understimating his looks, overestimating the looks of the women he's dating, or he's giving out money.

July 10, 2012

the guys are white knight nice guys who constantly whine that gals don't go for them yet won't change.

There is no "changing", unless the guy is somehow seriously disturbed or awkward. Attraction is natural. You get who you get.

July 10, 2012

I'll draw you up a chart in paint, give me a few minutes.

That sounds sarcastic, negative, even bitter. Am I reading you correctly? Do you mean to sound that way? I have never spoken to you before, so I am not sure how to interpret you. Or are you just teasing me a bit? Or are you actually bitter and sarcastic for some reason? I am simply asking what's going on here with the input you are giving me.

I actually did want your opinion, and to know if you are a male and what age bracket you fall in. Simply to further gauge your feedback on this matter.

Regarding what you said about a small group of men that get all the women sexually in high school - I don't quarrel too much with that notion.

You imply that continues throughout life. My ex was not particularly well endowed, he is average. His sexual skills are lacking. Yet, he is still multi dating various women.

It seems to me that the sheer numbers of singles out there suggest that eventually it will all balance out, and everyone who seeks someone, would find someone to date and form a relationship with, although there may be some level of 'settling' that occurs over time.

Do you agree with this idea or not? If not, why not?

July 10, 2012

People have as much power as they are able to grant themselves in my opinion. There is no one gender who holds power over either. I would argue that conventionally unattractive girls have problems on OLD - albeit perhaps not as much as men do. Either way, I prefer to think of it as abundance mentality versus scarcity mentality (expecting Hokie to wade his way in here soon )........

A lot of men have scarcity mentality, they think that either there are not enough women out there for them, that they cannot get any kind of woman and latch onto the first woman who shows them any interest, or that women hold all the power, or any other theory that limits them.

I lean towards abundance, there are millions of different girls out there in my city alone. All individual. Why should I believe I cannot attract them, either now or in the near future?

It will take a huge shift for some.

Oh and by the way, a man can improve his physical attractiveness vastly. As can a woman.

July 10, 2012

So, fill me in on the dynamics of dating for a man at his age. So, a 45 year old man, average looking, blue collar, average salary, is not going to have any trouble meeting women his age and his status?

Is it just the younger guys in their twenties that have a hard time on the dating scene in finding women?

Could you explain how this works, by the sheer numbers?

For example, is it true then, than folks in their 40's are fairly equally balanced in power on the dating scene? They don't have the trouble that the guys in their 20's have, finding women?

Or will women in their 40's have a difficult time finding dating partners?

In your opinion of course, Algermas. And Algermas, are you a man in your 20's, 30's, or 40's? I would like to know who's life experience I am getting feedback from, it helps me in the learning process. THanks!!

My paint skills fail me so I'll just explain.

Also im 32. When women become legal ( whatever age that may be for your area ) they are supremely desirable to men. Over time this steadily declines before eventually entering a freefall. Men, on the other hand, increase in desirability over time as their careers begin to take off and their income rises with every passing year.

A young, attractive women can have her pick of men. Now a medium income 45 year old man can't get these girls and hence they must settle for women their own age. The only recourse a 45 year old woman has is to cougar up or to date men her own age ( men who can't afford better ).

In essence men age like wine while women spoil like milk.

July 10, 2012

There are no more lonely men than there are lonely women

The issue is that the overwhelming majority of guys go for the top 20% of women who are very attractive and what ends up happening is that the top 20% of women have a ton of options and the remainder just do about average

Really same thing with guys as well. The top 20% of guys do very well with women while the remainder often struggle and are forever alone

July 10, 2012

You imply that continues throughout life. My ex was not particularly well endowed, he is average. His sexual skills are lacking. Yet, he is still multi dating various women.

It seems to me that the sheer numbers of singles out there suggest that eventually it will all balance out, and everyone who seeks someone, would find someone to date and form a relationship with, although there may be some level of 'settling' that occurs over time.

Do you agree with this idea or not? If not, why not?

Besides handsomeness, women also want men who "are genetically compatible", i.e. have facial features similar to themselves. A good book is "Love at First Sight" by Suzy Malin. This might explain why he did not please you sexually, but is popular with lots of other women. When the two of you got together, was it instant attraction, or was it just something you fell into?

As to the second question... I don't know. Some argue that women are being monopolized by a small minority of symmetrical men - or that, many don't want a relationhip altogether!

July 10, 2012

In essence men age like wine while women spoil like milk.

Well, only if they're goodlooking and can get money.

July 10, 2012

That sounds sarcastic, negative, even bitter. Am I reading you correctly? Do you mean to sound that way? I have never spoken to you before, so I am not sure how to interpret you. Or are you just teasing me a bit? Or are you actually bitter and sarcastic for some reason? I am simply asking what's going on here with the input you are giving me.

I actually did want your opinion, and to know if you are a male and what age bracket you fall in. Simply to further gauge your feedback on this matter.

Regarding what you said about a small group of men that get all the women sexually in high school - I don't quarrel too much with that notion.

You imply that continues throughout life. My ex was not particularly well endowed, he is average. His sexual skills are lacking. Yet, he is still multi dating various women.

It seems to me that the sheer numbers of singles out there suggest that eventually it will all balance out, and everyone who seeks someone, would find someone to date and form a relationship with, although there may be some level of 'settling' that occurs over time.

Do you agree with this idea or not? If not, why not?

No no I was actually planning on doing a nice chart on how women are all the way up there when they're young and then decline over time compared to men who rise in desirability over time. No sarcasm.

Oh im sure it does, once the female biological clock starts going off like a Teheran call to prayer.

July 10, 2012

who rise in desirability over time

Only if they're goodlooking and succesful in life. The average man decreases in desirability as he gets older.

July 10, 2012

Well, only if they're goodlooking and can get money.

Even without good looks and money it holds true although to a lesser degree. The vast majority of people agree that, generally, men age more gracefully.

July 10, 2012

My paint skills fail me so I'll just explain.

Also im 32. When women become legal ( whatever age that may be for your area ) they are supremely desirable to men. Over time this steadily declines before eventually entering a freefall. Men, on the other hand, increase in desirability over time as their careers begin to take off and their income rises with every passing year.

A young, attractive women can have her pick of men. Now a medium income 45 year old man can't get these girls and hence they must settle for women their own age. The only recourse a 45 year old woman has is to cougar up or to date men her own age ( men who can't afford better ).

In essence men age like wine while women spoil like milk.

This is quite true.

That sounds sarcastic, negative, even bitter. Am I reading you correctly? Do you mean to sound that way? I have never spoken to you before, so I am not sure how to interpret you. Or are you just teasing me a bit? Or are you actually bitter and sarcastic for some reason? I am simply asking what's going on here with the input you are giving me.

I actually did want your opinion, and to know if you are a male and what age bracket you fall in. Simply to further gauge your feedback on this matter.

Regarding what you said about a small group of men that get all the women sexually in high school - I don't quarrel too much with that notion.

You imply that continues throughout life. My ex was not particularly well endowed, he is average. His sexual skills are lacking. Yet, he is still multi dating various women.

It seems to me that the sheer numbers of singles out there suggest that eventually it will all balance out, and everyone who seeks someone, would find someone to date and form a relationship with, although there may be some level of 'settling' that occurs over time.

Do you agree with this idea or not? If not, why not?

If he's slamming other women after you, with no problem, have you ever consider that your sexual skills are lacking? I know it's easier to just place the blame on guys (it's hip and trendy), but maybe sometimes gals should look in the mirror for when things do work out.

nah, who am i kidding:rolleyes:

July 10, 2012

You're understimating his looks, overestimating the looks of the women he's dating, or he's giving out money.

There is no "changing", unless the guy is somehow seriously disturbed or awkward. Attraction is natural. You get who you get.

I like the 'Attraction is natural. You get who you get." I think you are right Curtis! Well done! I do agree with that by and large.

Regarding his looks, yes, I may be downplaying his looks. I took the pics of him for his online dating profile. He looks probably better than what I originally described. He photographed well. He is just a turd on the inside, but photographs well LOL.

I know for sure he isn't giving out money, he doesn't have any to give.

And I haven't seen the women, they could be unattractive, so that point could be true as well. All good points Curtis!

So Curtis, what do you think about the numbers thing? Is it just very stacked against guys in their 20's? How about women in their 40's? I have just turned 43, and am attractive and in decent shape. My difficulty could be that I have 2 young children, age 8 and 4. I know that some men will not want to date me for that reason. I have a fun personality. I am a bit of a dingbat, but a loveable one.

I just haven't really stuck my toes in the dating scene yet. I have someone locally at the moment that I am interested in. I was just thinking theoretically of the numbers of it all, and it just would seem there might be opportunites for anyone who seeks them, theoretically speaking by sheer numbers, in the dating world. But then again, I am quite the optimist. It tends to serve me well in life, I must admit, my positive vibes and outlook.

But I do want your feedback on these dating numbers concepts, if anyone cares to throw in their 2 cents. Thanks!

July 10, 2012

Not compared to women his own age.

True, but he still decreases, unless he's George Clooney or a billionaire. Keeping in shape helps, obviously.

July 10, 2012

In the USA, there is roughly the same number of men and women (am I right on that much?).

No, the sex ratio at birth in the US is 1.05 males/female.

July 10, 2012

The vast majority of 40+ year old women don't manage to pull a Heidi Klum. We're talking average people here.

Never found Heidi Klum attractive. Don't know what Seal saw in her .......

July 10, 2012

The ratios favor women, and they have all of the advantage. Period

No it favors the attractive women. The top 20% of women who look good and are in shape are living very well and the rest are suffering like the majority of the male population

It all evens out in the end

July 10, 2012

Never found Heidi Klum attractive. Don't know what Seal saw in her .......

Me neither! She was ok, but not a classic beauty. I was just thinking that today as I saw her on a tv commercial. But I do like her personality, obviously Seal did as well. The more intriguing question is what did she see in him, and the answer must be his body and his personality. His face has a bit of scarring, doesn't it? But I still like him all the same, he seemed nice enough. His songs were quite good.

ThaWholigan, you have a wonderful outlook regarding dating and life in general. I can't wait until you land yourself a wonderful girlfriend! She will be a lucky girl! I do hope you will keep us all posted when that happens.

Ok back to talking about dating numbers and power dynamics via numbers.

July 10, 2012

dating isn't about fairness. i get tired of those who whine that dating should be fair. most people are married. the singles are single for a reason. some singles just want to have a good time and not be tied down. the others just aren't that desirable. the gals are overweight and have nasty personalities and won't go on a diet and work out. the guys are white knight nice guys who constantly whine that gals don't go for them yet won't change.

I'm a really nice guy & I make moves all the time. WHat am I supposed to change about me?!

July 10, 2012

I think those of you who are complaining about a scarcity of men or women, have missed the mark entirely.

The numbers of men vs. women is about equal, but take a closer look and you'll see what a confusing mishmash it is. The truth is that women who actively want to meet men are scarce... or at least if they do want to meet men, they need to learn that we sometimes need to be hit over the head with it (I know I do). Not all of us can be detectives who can decode the hints you drop for us.

OTOH there's no scarcity of men who want to meet women... we guys are just more open about it.

Throw people like homosexuals and asexuals into the mix, and you can see why it's so damn hard to sort out.

July 11, 2012

Around here, due to the demographics of agriculture (the predominant industry), there are and have always been more men around. Add in polyamory, discussed prior, and it's historically been exceedingly difficult to find a woman IRL, hence why I resorted to OLD and distance dating. Of my LTR's, the closest woman lived over 30 miles away; my exW lived over 60 miles away until we got married. This dynamic, along with the factors of timing and that my job isn't a 'social' job meant my choices to live where I do meant a difficult path to dating and relationships.

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