Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I think you should direct your anger some place else, like the self improvement forum I get you're angry and I get that you need to take it out on someone or something, but that's not helping you getter better, happier. +1 to that
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 So ok NC is used to actually move on. Not to get your ex back Then what do you do if you want your ex back? what do you do differently?
Oncehadluv Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 gulf-delta your ego is your worst enemy right now your immature so its understandable your all over the place, but refrain from giving advice to others on NC until youve gone full circle
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 So ok NC is used to actually move on. Not to get your ex back Then what do you do if you want your ex back? what do you do differently? There is nothing you can do. It has to be totally their choice. If you try to convince them, it may work...but it will only be temporary. If they come back, it has to be their own decision. What you do in the meantime, either putting your life on hold for them, or going on living, meeting new people, pursuing new or old hobbies, etc, is just about the only thing you can do and have control over. It's true, NC MIGHT, bring them to the realization that they need you in their life...but there's an equal chance they don't. And there's no point in pining all your hopes to something that's 50/50 at best.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 gulf-delta your ego is your worst enemy right now your immature so its understandable your all over the place, but refrain from giving advice to others on NC until youve gone full circle Hey man, we're all here to support each other, not tear one another down. I've made peace with my own breakup. I know what's going on in my head. That isn't having an ego...what I don't understand is why gibson/wilsonx feel the need to interject and try to tell me how I'm feeling, what my thoughts are, or where I'm at emotionally. It's ridiculous, and they need to be knocked of their high horse.
fucpcg Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I almost always go against the grain with NC. I actually think there is a chance that my ex would have communicated with me by now had I maintained it, but am happier with myself that I tried my best to work things out with her. I KNOW I gave it my all, and she refused me. That gives me more insight into what kind of person I was really dating than silence ever will. What IS beyond ridiculous in here is all the posts that are like "my partner and I had a fight, should we break up" and all the people that are like 'HELL yea your partner screwed up you deserve someone better the next one will be sooo much better than this one blah blah blah". I've never been in a relationship where things didn't go wrong, and I've never been in love with a girl where the next one after her was better than what I just lost. NEVER.
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 There is nothing you can do. It has to be totally their choice. If you try to convince them, it may work...but it will only be temporary. If they come back, it has to be their own decision. What you do in the meantime, either putting your life on hold for them, or going on living, meeting new people, pursuing new or old hobbies, etc, is just about the only thing you can do and have control over. It's true, NC MIGHT, bring them to the realization that they need you in their life...but there's an equal chance they don't. And there's no point in pining all your hopes to something that's 50/50 at best. well thats pretty much what i have been doing. im not depressed anymore and just living my life. still moving forward. Still have my control. He talks to me. But sometimes i feel like he is still playing games. Like trying to see if i still want him back. Or to see if i will wait for him while he fixes his life. Its a difficult situation. Because i have moved on.. No point in going back NC. Ive done it 4 other times already to move on
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 No I didn't. Go read it for yourself.... Wow....she just broke NC As far as everything else is concerned... If you want to think your 22 year old ex gf who is into drinking, partying, clubbing, attention seeking, sowing her oats, GIGS, etc. is different... I know that you are going to believe what you want to believe. Sounds like you are doing great and you two have a long and wonderful friendship ahead of you. Best Wishes! The thing you quoted, was in fact from weeks ago. Sorry for the confusion on my end, but either way, the posts you quoted are still outdated, at least. As far as her being :different"....different compared to what? I've always said she was GiGs. I accepted that long ago. I never denied that. So again, you're stretching here and trying to paint me as some doormat, or trying to say I tihnk she isn't going through GiGs. She is, and I never said she wasn't.
Appleness Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 It's kinda corny to quote from a movie but I want to share a quote: "...you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you." There's nothing bad or wrong with a honeymoon high. I've broken up and gotten back twice with the same ex. But for me, it's just that steep hill at the beginning of the roller coaster. The higher I get, the faster I go downhill from there. No one is saying that you can't be an optimist. But I've noticed that after a while, the crowd does get a bit tough even here on LS. If you don't protect yourself, the next time you return you will meet a more critical group.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 well thats pretty much what i have been doing. im not depressed anymore and just living my life. still moving forward. Still have my control. He talks to me. But sometimes i feel like he is still playing games. Like trying to see if i still want him back. Or to see if i will wait for him while he fixes his life. Its a difficult situation. Because i have moved on.. No point in going back NC. Ive done it 4 other times already to move on Well, there's nothing more to say. Only you know how you truly feel. If you feel like you've moved on, then that is great. But if you haven't then be prepared for whatever consequences may be around the bend. Only you know for sure.
CopingGal Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Okay, for me...if I had stayed NC from the beginning of the BU and kept going NC forever, I would have saved myself a TON of pain and anguish...a TON of it. I didn't do NC in the beginning. That was a HUGE mistake....HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!
Rorschach64 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I think NC is only good for certain situations, that being if you tried your damnedest to fix things and the other person still didn't want to be with you, may it be GIGs or you just weren't right for them. What good would come from further exposing yourself to someone that doesn't want to be with you and you don't want to be just friends? Else wise, if they are banging at your door asking for a second chance or have something they need to talk to you about then maybe NC isn't the best option if you even care anymore by that point.
Oncehadluv Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 some of the hard heads need a tear down, how else do you think this info will sink into your brain and you actually apply it... theres people here who cant go 24 hours without contact, then 2 days later they get contact and blow up the forums neuroticly taking control of your emotions can almost be compared to taming a raging bull, some need a lashing or 2
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Well, there's nothing more to say. Only you know how you truly feel. If you feel like you've moved on, then that is great. But if you haven't then be prepared for whatever consequences may be around the bend. Only you know for sure. and another thing that bothers me is the things he says. LIke he is all insecure but at the same time acts confident. Like he will say things like yeah see im still looking for a job I cant even buy a ring. And im like for who? and he will be like oh you dont know her but she is waiting for me? Like stupid stuff like that.. And hello? if he really did have someone I would know about it cuz i know all his family... And he always brings stuff like that up
df1304 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 It depends on the situation. But I would think that for most breakups, NC is a good option to consider, whether it's because you're taking a break and you need time for yourself or to see how you get on without that person, whether they were abusive in any way and the best option is to never see or talk to them again, or whether everything is just uncertain. I would think that everyone needs time to really think and let the raw emotions simmer down a little bit without the distraction or possibility of going backwards by seeing their ex again to try and explain things away, beg for another chance, things like that, at least for a little while.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Okay, for me...if I had stayed NC from the beginning of the BU and kept going NC forever, I would have saved myself a TON of pain and anguish...a TON of it. I didn't do NC in the beginning. That was a HUGE mistake....HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE! There's a reason why you were breaking NC so much in the beginning. Because it was a shock to your system and you were forcing it... You see a lot of breakup/drug analogies on here...the thing is, quitting drugs cold turkey can be fatal, depending on the drug. The best way to cure, say heroin addiction, is not cold turkey, but to use methadone to ween the addict from it. Weening contact is no different.
Samilia Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 mmh I don't know about that.. once it's over, it's over, At least for me. I can hurt and cry, I will not go back, call him, facebook him, etc etc.. I did quit smoking with patches though
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 and another thing that bothers me is the things he says. LIke he is all insecure but at the same time acts confident. Like he will say things like yeah see im still looking for a job I cant even buy a ring. And im like for who? and he will be like oh you dont know her but she is waiting for me? Like stupid stuff like that.. And hello? if he really did have someone I would know about it cuz i know all his family... And he always brings stuff like that up Well this is where you come in. You have decide what is really important to ya. If you don't wanna put up with his games, then don't. Were it me, with the games and BS, I'd just say right out front "Look, you need to tell me what you want". You need to just come out and say that games will not be played, and if he wants you, then he can try, but if it's all games and mind****s, then he can piss off.
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Well this is where you come in. You have decide what is really important to ya. If you don't wanna put up with his games, then don't. Were it me, with the games and BS, I'd just say right out front "Look, you need to tell me what you want". You need to just come out and say that games will not be played, and if he wants you, then he can try, but if it's all games and mind****s, then he can piss off. Your right i just need to straigt up tell him to stop when he does it. Cuz i usually just dont say anything. he will say something dumb and then say oh im just kidding. sometimes that is. But ur right. its immature and he needs to be normal
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 They are all just words. Look at his actions... He broke up with you, hasent ask for, wanted or tried to get you back. That is the price you pay for continuing to talk your Ex. More unanswered questions, more confusion, more pain, more hurt, more disappointment, more half-truths, more rejection, etc. If your Ex wants to be with you, they will. Yep your totally right.
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Look, NC is a tool to help a person heal and move on. There's nothing "cultish" about it and no one said, " You go NC and never, ever, EVER contact that person again! They are dead to you!" I guess, a good rule of thumb is you stay NC until you have no romantic feelings for that person anymore. But, until that time NC is the best way to go. I've read thread after thread about people breaking NC and getting crushed again and back to square one. I remember a person breaking NC and he thought he was on track with getting his relationship back. Then, he made plans to go out with her and she canceled stating that she didn't feel good and was going to stay in. Well, he finds out she went out with some other dude. He confronted her and take a wild ass guess what she told him. She said, " We are broken up, you're not my boyfriend! I DON'T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION!!" If you can handle speaking to your Ex after a break up then go for it. But, even if the break up was mutual and left on good terms. People come on here crushed to find out that her Ex has a new boyfriend or girlfriend and they admit that deep down they hoped that one day they would get back together. Maybe NC should have been used to let go of those romantic feelings. 1
ilikeapplepie Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 If you want to continue to look desperate, needy, a chump, be her whipping boy, push her further away, reward her dumping you and screwing every bartender in town with your friendship.... By all means, Go Knock Yourself Out! For you own sake... I hope you find / discover your self-respect, self-worth, dignity, pride, self-esteem, ego, confidence, intelligence, etc. SOON! You sir.. are a ****ing inspiration. I've just broke no contact, after 3/4 week, as a dumpee, with the only girl I've ever genuinely been in love with, I'll be making a post no doubt depending on the response I get from her... sure hope to see you in that post man.
Author Zammo25 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 You have held your own very well Gulf-Delta despite provocation and trolling from the love guru's Gibson and wilsonx. These guys KNOW IT ALL. They know what is going on in your head, your ex's head, every single person's head and infact every individual person in the world's head. They can tell you what to do and NEVER be wrong and NEVER be responsible for their advice or what comes of it as unless they tell me otherwise, they are not trained or qualified, just a couple of angry dudes sitting behind their comptuer screens. You go your own way Gulf-Delta and don't be a sheep. Respect.
wilsonx Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) LOL he's 22 and knows it all. He's the sheep that strays from the pack and will be eaten by the wolves. You're just a projecting fool in GIGS trying to validate a reason to contact your ex ex. Look at the title of this thread... painting NC black and all the advice given which you know deep down is CORRECT for your own self validation to contact that ex. Emotional Immaturity at its finest. Lie to yourself and everyone around you and cross your fingers and pray and hope that you get what you want. Wait theres another name for this, Manipulation Edited July 11, 2012 by wilsonx
Author Zammo25 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 LOL he's 22 and knows it all. He's the sheep that strays from the pack and will be eaten by the wolves. You're just a projecting fool in GIGS trying to validate a reason to contact your ex ex. Look at the title of this thread... painting NC black and all the advice given which you know deep down is CORRECT for your own self validation to contact that ex. Emotional Immaturity at its finest. Lie to yourself and everyone around you and cross your fingers and pray and hope that you get what you want. Wait theres another name for this, Manipulation It was a joint problem, she did not communicate to me her feelings, it was frustration after feeling her withdrawal, now I wish I had spoken at length face to face and that was my mistake, just letting it fizzle out, may have made no difference and if we had lived together, it may have happened 2 years down the line, who knows ? I am determined to make myself a better person and learn from my mistakes and do have a self sabotaging issue but after an inititial wow phase for 3 months the intimacy wained and I did not know how to keep it going, it takes 2 though and I guess I did not understand her, but again, it goes both ways. I just think you are being very harsh on Gulf-Delta and you do seems very black or white with no middle ground. No offense intended.
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