Nikki Sahagin Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I've learn a lot about myself this past 23 years living in my crazy head. I'm really into astrology (I'm a scorpio rising, capricorn moon, gemini sun) so basically I can translate this to mean I have very deep feelings, my mind is always analysing and I have control issues. You might not be into astrology and i'm not really into labels, but still, I can't deny, I DO have these issues. These issues permeate every aspect of my life. If I get jealous, i'm like a dog with a bone. I'll never communicate my jealousy. I'll literally bury it inside and force myself to disconnect from that person because i'll feel they've let me down even IF I have no real prove or substance to the idea that they've 'done me wrong.' I'm quite a jealous, controlling, paranoid person deep down, but whenever it rears it's head, I bury it, deny it and try never to show the person. This isn't just in relationships, but in work, friendships, the lot. I've realised I have a strong need to control which possibly started when I developed anxiety and panic attacks. I had to control my environment to feel safe in it. I couldn't 'go with the flow' because the flow could cause panic, which I didn't feel I could deal with. The point is I realise that like resentment, holding on to these kinds of feelings only damages the person feeling them. I don't want to be: jealous controlling over-analytical obsessive compulive morbid brooding melancholy suspicious paranoid untrusting I want to think the best and if the worst happens be able to say 'meh' and let go. Unfortunately I relate the following words to being trusting: stupid, naive, unprepared. I feel safe and wise being cynical, but I want to be naive and stupid because as they say 'whether you are an optimist or a pessimistic doesn't guarantee the outcome, but the optimist has a better time in life'. So if life is going to f- you over now and again, you might as well be positve and hope for the best, rather than shrink away, try to control things and go mental when you can't cope. I'm trying to teach myself to be able to let go, which is so unnatural to me coz I naturally cling and control. What are some ways you've learnt to let go? What do you do? Do you perform a physical ritual? Is it a state of mind? Do you meditate? Distract yourself? I say to myself 'let go' but the thought/feeling bobs back over and over. Is it just a matter of saying 'let go' until the thought/feeling is gone for good? Being able to 'let go' of people, thoughts, expectations, outcomes, fears, failures, control etc is something I really want to be able to do, and doesn't come naturally to me. If you are a good go with the flow, 'let go' type of person, how do you do it?
travelbug1996 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 There's a book called When Love meets Fear. I think it will prove to be an enlightening experience for you. You attempt to control because of your fears and you will be in bondage if you don't address these issues. Best wishes.
rosadeldesierto Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I can relate with you tons... I've been reading this book and helped me amazingly: Mars and Venus starting over by John Gray. Even title openly suggests you are interested about finding love again, it is more about healing. All those awful emotions we experience they have their roots in the past. Looking in your childhood is the key. Because unsolved emotions it is we can get hurt by our feelings in a relationship over and over again. Good luck;)
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