JamesDebusson Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) First of all: "Hello everyone, I'm new to LS and this is my first thread/post ever" Let me give you an overview of the situation: I met a guy 4 months ago on a dating site. We started to talk via MSN, then facebook, and 1 week afterwards we met in person. It took me another week to grow both attracted/attached to him, and that's the time when we started to formally "date" without giving any name to the relationship. As time went by I started to fall apart due to lots of insecurities I didn't even know I was carrying with me. Myself being 29 and him 22, he had a much more stable job, and several other details that made me feel insignificat on the long run. Yeah, I know it was stupid, but at the time it completely wiped out any trace of self esteem I had. So, 4 weeks after that I decided to break up with him. I told him how sad and depressed the whole situation made me feel up to that point, and I also told him I didn't communicate those insecurities out of fear it would fracture the beautiful moments we shared together. After I told him, he proceeded to tell me he wasn't ready to formalize at all, so I think it was a 50/50 situation. He cried the most on that day. I even had to force myself to remain calm and not fall apart since he was really upset about it. He told me not to worry about him being like that since he had to solve some issues on his own as well. He wanted to remain friends with me and didn't want to cut communication either. I agreed. We saw each other the next day. I was apparently calm, and so was he. We agreed on how quickly we allowed things to happen (we kept kissing, holding hands, etc etc, it was "perfect" when we were together, rather than getting to know each other). That day went pretty ok. 2 days afterward I asked him if he wanted to go out just to have a talk. He didn't replied to the msg, and when I saw he was organizing a party with his friends I got pissed off, deleted him from FB and ranted via FB msgs. He obviously freaked out and kept his distance. 1 week after I deleted him we saw in person, explained why I reacted the way I did, but he was ice cold. He didn't even wanted me back on FB either. That was the last time we talked to each other, almost 3 months ago. There were 2 or 3 sporadic messages thrown after that, but on May 10th I sent the last one and began NC. Since that moment I've been attending proffessional counceling, I'm socializing much more, I've met up with old and new friends; I've been changing myself for the better as a result of such a traumatic breakup. That guy I dated meant a lot in my life, even it was for such a brief moment, meeting him completely took me out of my confort zone and threw me into the real world. I totally needed a big push in order to wake up, and that's what just happened. Almost 3 months after we broke up I finally reached the point where I felt in peace within myself and held no remorse or anger towards him, so I decided to write him an Apology/Thank you letter 3 days ago. I basically told him that I deeply apologized for all the stressful moments and inconveniences that he experiencied due to having to deal with me, and I also thanked him for all the beautiful moments we shared together. I also told him I wasn't really expecting any kind of reply since both of us stumbled upon each other 3 weeks ago and not a single word was spoken. So that's what happened. I sent him an apology letter, and even though there was (of course) little hope for him to reply to it, it's fading away day after day. My main problem right now is: I keep "checking on him" on that dating site we met at. It's becoming an addiction, and I just want to quit doing that. He's been logging into that site as soon as 2 days after we broke up, so it's a given he's met at least another guy. I've accepted that fact, which is why it doesn't hurt that much anymore, but I just want to quit looking for any beadcrumbs of information about his life. Any tips would be greatly appreciated, and thank you so much for reading me. It's been really helpful to find so many people dealing with breakups right now. Loveshack rules, big time. Edited July 10, 2012 by JamesDebusson
Philosoraptor Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Right now what you need is to distance yourself from him all together. I wouldn't just block him from that site, but remove yourself from it all together. Start building yourself up right now and focus on your own growth. 1
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