Acrobaticdealer Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Girl broke up with me 7 weeks ago. She was going back to Canada a month after so I went slightly insane and begged like a mad man. It was extra hard becuase not only was I losing her, she was also moving home really hard to deal with! Anyway, she's home now an I've continued my desperation by sending her emails and basically digging a bigger hole for myself. When we broke up she asked me if we can still be friends. I said no becuase I couldn't deal with it. After reflecting on this, I decided I needed to be friends to have any chance of getting her back from such a distance. However, becuase of my constant battering against her wishes it's not an option anymore. She said in an email "you really upset me. I don't want to be friends" She's referring to me not respecting her decision. So, now, in obviously not going to be contacting her for a while. I had an apology letter written and also a song (I'm a musician) to send her in the post. Do you think I should send it? Not now, obviously but maybe 2-3 weeks? I'm aware it's probably over but I'd like to atleast keep in touch with her and I think a heartfelt apology for my post breakup behaviour could work. Also, I have lots of family in Canada and a possible job lined up. She know this and she's not interested at the moment but I'm hoping when some time has passed and we get talking, emailing, skyping again, she may change her mind.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Leave her alone. There's nothing you can do to change her mind.
Author Acrobaticdealer Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Leave her alone. There's nothing you can do to change her mind. LOVE the enthusiasm here!!
Chi townD Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well?!?!? Here's the deal. You put out the apology and told her you were wrong. She comes back and says, " You upset me, I don't want to be friends" I mean, you can lead a horse to water, but you can make him drink. She wants to end things completely, then fine! You give her exactly that! She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. She made the choice to have you out of her life. So, you need to cut yourself out of there.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well?!?!? Here's the deal. You put out the apology and told her you were wrong. She comes back and says, " You upset me, I don't want to be friends" I mean, you can lead a horse to water, but you can make him drink. That's exactly right. If there is any chance of this girl coming back to be friends, or more, or whatever, she has to be her choice. To the OP...you've already done all you can. You've put the ball in her court. If she doesn't wanna play ball, you can't make her.
Author Acrobaticdealer Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 That's exactly right. If there is any chance of this girl coming back to be friends, or more, or whatever, she has to be her choice. To the OP...you've already done all you can. You've put the ball in her court. If she doesn't wanna play ball, you can't make her. Thanks for the reply. I realise you can't change someones mind for them but don't apologies smooth it over a bit? Does a heartfelt appology for how I acted post breakup not go any way to making her think a little better of me? I'm not saying this will get her back but surely it's batterer than doing nothing?
Gulf-Delta Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I realise you can't change someones mind for them but don't apologies smooth it over a bit? Does a heartfelt appology for how I acted post breakup not go any way to making her think a little better of me? I'm not saying this will get her back but surely it's batterer than doing nothing? The apology should be a while from now...but right now, she doesn't want anything to do with you and will probably disregard anything you do at this point in time
Author Acrobaticdealer Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 The apology should be a while from now...but right now, she doesn't want anything to do with you and will probably disregard anything you do at this point in time Thanks, I'll keep this in mind whenever I'm tempted to contact her. So hard becuase your mind tricks you into thinking one more email/contact might change her mind. It's like you know it's wrong to do but you do it anyway. SO STUPID!
livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks, I'll keep this in mind whenever I'm tempted to contact her. So hard becuase your mind tricks you into thinking one more email/contact might change her mind. It's like you know it's wrong to do but you do it anyway. SO STUPID! I personally think you should sent it to her now and leave it at that.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks, I'll keep this in mind whenever I'm tempted to contact her. So hard becuase your mind tricks you into thinking one more email/contact might change her mind. It's like you know it's wrong to do but you do it anyway. SO STUPID! Oh I know, I've been there. The thing is, you'll know when the time is right to send it, and by that time, you probably won't care anymore.
Author Acrobaticdealer Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I personally think you should sent it to her now and leave it at that. Care to elaborate? I want to do it now but I can't trust my emotions anymore. I've already pushed her further away by begging Nd annoying her and not repeating her decision of ending it. I guess an apology letter and a song isn't disrespecting her decision though...
livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Care to elaborate? I want to do it now but I can't trust my emotions anymore. I've already pushed her further away by begging Nd annoying her and not repeating her decision of ending it. I guess an apology letter and a song isn't disrespecting her decision though... The way I see it, it can't go any worse. She already said she doesn't want to get back together or whatever she said. I'm a girl and i'm saying I think you should do it. Make sure though you aren't begging her back in the message. Leave it nice and sweet say you wish she would give you another chance, but you will respect her wishes to no longer be friends, and tell her to have a good day. Simple, but leave it nice too. Leave her something to think about.
Author Acrobaticdealer Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 The way I see it, it can't go any worse. She already said she doesn't want to get back together or whatever she said. I'm a girl and i'm saying I think you should do it. Make sure though you aren't begging her back in the message. Leave it nice and sweet say you wish she would give you another chance, but you will respect her wishes to no longer be friends, and tell her to have a good day. Simple, but leave it nice too. Leave her something to think about. If I wrote it out tomorrow, would you read it? please? I don't want it to be a goodbye letter, i just want to get back in her good books so I stand a better chance of sorting it out with her.
livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 If I wrote it out tomorrow, would you read it? please? I don't want it to be a goodbye letter, i just want to get back in her good books so I stand a better chance of sorting it out with her. I would most definitely read it! You can send it to me in a private message if you don't want to post it here.
Author Acrobaticdealer Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I would most definitely read it! You can send it to me in a private message if you don't want to post it here. That's very nice of you. Thankyou for helping me. It'll be done by this time tomorrow so I'll send it then . Thanks again
WhatYouWantToHear Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Dear god yes. The only thing a woman who feels smothered wants more than to be left alone is constant apologies from you telling her you're sorry for smothering here. Disregard her moving out of country, that's just a game women play when they truly want to get close to you.
Author Acrobaticdealer Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Dear god yes. The only thing a woman who feels smothered wants more than to be left alone is constant apologies from you telling her you're sorry for smothering here. Disregard her moving out of country, that's just a game women play when they truly want to get close to you. Thanks for making me feel better. Really nice of you
JesseMartin Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Write it, post it here, but DON'T send it. Vent your emotions, notice how you process them as you put them to words and put the words on to paper. Feel the weight drop off your shoulders as you finish your message. Now take satisfaction in that, and obtain closure from posting the letter here (if you want of course). But don't send it to her, here's why... Women are attracted to confident, independent guys. Conversely, they are repelled by insecure, needy guys. A lot of guys act needy and apologetic during a break up, and this ends up driving their ex further away. I speak from personal experience. And I'm sorry to break it to you man, but that sounds exactly like what you're doing. The best thing to do is to let go completely. Follow some of the great advice on this forum, focus on YOU for a change and change some things in your life for the better. If you can't quite commit yet to that idea - I know I couldn't - consider this. Do you want her to feel this "Oh here's another message from that needy guy, apologising, and wanting me back, I'm so over him." Or this "Hey.. he hasn't messaged me at all for the last weeks, how can he be over me so fast? I didn't know he was that independent, I don't know this side of him. What's going on?" Go no contact for 30 days, give yourself the opportunity to disentangle your rationale from your emotions.
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I agree, don't send her crap! Post here if you want but I wouldn't bother her. All it does is makes you look pathetic and a guy who's holding on to something that isn't there. She'll lose respect for you. If you are silent, there might be a day where she reaches out to you. But, until that day. Silent as ever. Hopefully, by the time she reaches out to you, you would have moved on to bigger and better things. And don't kid yourself. There is no way you can be friends with her while you still have feelings for her. Im sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her to ultimately take a step back and be nothing more than a "really good friend". If you think that you could, how would this next statement make you feel? You: " Hi! How was your weekend?" Her: "Oh, it was FANTASTIC!!! My new boyfriend took me to this romantic Bed and Breakfast over the weekend in this cute little town. But we didn't see much of the town because we spent a lot of time in the room! Hee...hee... How was your weekend, pal?" You: "uh....I mowed the lawn."
troubleshooter Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Its pretty clear that she has made up her mind, and the begging and running after her constantly even after she says she doesn't want to be friends will kill even the slightest little chance you have of you too hopefully being friends again if its even still there. Let time and her do the work now and give the space she needs...®
Samilia Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Girl broke up with me 7 weeks ago. She was going back to Canada a month after so I went slightly insane and begged like a mad man. It was extra hard becuase not only was I losing her, she was also moving home really hard to deal with! Anyway, she's home now an I've continued my desperation by sending her emails and basically digging a bigger hole for myself. When we broke up she asked me if we can still be friends. I said no becuase I couldn't deal with it. After reflecting on this, I decided I needed to be friends to have any chance of getting her back from such a distance. However, becuase of my constant battering against her wishes it's not an option anymore. She said in an email "you really upset me. I don't want to be friends" She's referring to me not respecting her decision. So, now, in obviously not going to be contacting her for a while. I had an apology letter written and also a song (I'm a musician) to send her in the post. Do you think I should send it? Not now, obviously but maybe 2-3 weeks? I'm aware it's probably over but I'd like to atleast keep in touch with her and I think a heartfelt apology for my post breakup behaviour could work. Also, I have lots of family in Canada and a possible job lined up. She know this and she's not interested at the moment but I'm hoping when some time has passed and we get talking, emailing, skyping again, she may change her mind. Meh... don't apologize for being in love. If sending the letter will make you feel better I'd say go for it, however i wouldn't expect a reconciliation just yet (as friends), if ever. My thought on this is to give it some time for her to forget you "loved her like a mad man" (cute!) and then try to contact her, in the genuine intent of being friends, or she'll see right through you.
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