burningashes Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm really confused and bewildered. *I've been single for nearly 3 years but recently started seeing someone new. It's been a little over two weeks so obviously we are not dating officially.* He has pursued me since we met a year ago and I did not get involved with him because I had too much going on my plate. *I liked him but could not handle a relationship at the time. *I was a very busy person when I was single and made sure he knew that because I did not want to lead him on.* What's throwing me off is that before I hooked up with him, he would call me and ask me when he could hang out with me. He'd inquire how my day was going and ask a ton of questions. *He was very engaging- *in other words he did all the chasing.* I decided I would make time for someone special in my busy life and realized that I wanted to try him out. So I did that, and it's honestly been really great- I'm glad I took that chance.* But in the last few days I've asked when I could see him and suggested days, he has said he's busy and have not made any suggestions when I could see him. "Soon, my dear :)" was the closest to a response I've gotten from him. Is this weird or what?? Additionally, when we text on the phone, it takes a while to get a response from him and he doesn't call me like he used to. *Conversation is often brief with him.. He also would talk about things like how he thought he was a good guy and that he'd never do anything to hurt me.* Granted it's only been a couple of weeks but this change of behavior with him is scaring me. *I've tried to talk to him about whether he felt things were going too quickly because I was concerned that I was pushing him away. *He says no, so why is this happening? *Am I making this too big of a deal?? I just don't feel like he's being very communicative anymore, like he was before we started seeing each other. It's worth mentioning that he's been single for as long as I have. *I recently brought this up with him by asking if he wanted to see me before I left for a trip across the country for two weeks.* He said of course he did and asked why. I said that I've been getting mixed signals from him and it was making me feel like he didn't want to see me. His response was that he needed to process this, that he liked me but that it was tough.* My instincts tell me that if I don't see him soon, this week or after I get back from my trip, I have to let him go. *It just doesn't make any sense to me and I don't feel that he should be "processing" this at my expense when he knows I miss him and want to see him. *What should I do that I haven't done? I really like him but I'm just not getting what I want from him. *I don't understand how he would go after me for a year and pull this off. *Did he really think it was okay for him to take the time to process whatever this is with me when he's supposed to be dating me? *Shouldn't he have figured this out by now, before he got involved with me? *... *Any insight would be appreciated, because I'm really lost and this is starting to hurt me.*
louise_23 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 so many asterisks. where for art thou, footnotes?
Author burningashes Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Sorry, my apologies. I was trying to type all of that out on my iphone and it got posted with asterisks for some reason!
DjinnAgain Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 so many asterisks. where for art thou, footnotes? Everyone knows wherefore art thou means why not where, right? OP, he might be sincere - however, if he is hurting you don't put up with the behavior. Don't sit in pain. Go.
Author burningashes Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I'm torn about it because it's only been a couple weeks. I don't know if it's unusual to go that long without seeing each other. He says all the right things but his actions show otherwise. I thought I might wait until after I get back from my trip at the end of July, and if he doesn't ask to see me, I'll let him go. He lives all the way on the other side of the city. We both work on the opposite side of the city too, so we're never nearby each other during the week. Additionally, he has four cats that he has to feed every night and morning, so it makes it even harder for him to stay over (he hasn't yet). So far, I've spent a couple days at his place, but that was the last time I saw him.. almost two weeks ago. It'll be more if he doesn't see me before I go on my trip. Or am I just trying to make excuses for him? Maybe I am.. it just sucks.. because I really like him
DjinnAgain Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I'm torn about it because it's only been a couple weeks. I don't know if it's unusual to go that long without seeing each other. He says all the right things but his actions show otherwise. I thought I might wait until after I get back from my trip at the end of July, and if he doesn't ask to see me, I'll let him go. He lives all the way on the other side of the city. We both work on the opposite side of the city too, so we're never nearby each other during the week. Additionally, he has four cats that he has to feed every night and morning, so it makes it even harder for him to stay over (he hasn't yet). So far, I've spent a couple days at his place, but that was the last time I saw him.. almost two weeks ago. It'll be more if he doesn't see me before I go on my trip. Or am I just trying to make excuses for him? Maybe I am.. it just sucks.. because I really like him I have never had a guy who wanted to see me who didn't. (deployment or something would be different--- not cats.)
louise_23 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I'm torn about it because it's only been a couple weeks. I don't know if it's unusual to go that long without seeing each other. He says all the right things but his actions show otherwise. I thought I might wait until after I get back from my trip at the end of July, and if he doesn't ask to see me, I'll let him go. He lives all the way on the other side of the city. We both work on the opposite side of the city too, so we're never nearby each other during the week. Additionally, he has four cats that he has to feed every night and morning, so it makes it even harder for him to stay over (he hasn't yet). So far, I've spent a couple days at his place, but that was the last time I saw him.. almost two weeks ago. It'll be more if he doesn't see me before I go on my trip. Or am I just trying to make excuses for him? Maybe I am.. it just sucks.. because I really like him maybe he just enjoys the chase. hes chased you for so long and now hes got you hes cooling off. like you say, he is not giving you what you want. youve confronted him already so just chill. leave it up to him to get in touch with you. enjoy your trip. if youre on facebook, make sure you look like youre having a good time! at the end of the day, you must have something special about you for him to chase you for a year. let him chase you again. and if he doesnt, its his loss. (i cant believe hes got four cats btw!)
xpaperxcutx Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Never ever chase a guy. Even though I'm considered Gen Y but I still think its the job of the guy to chase and for you to be recedptive towards him. Yet the rules are tghe same, if he's blowing hot and cold he's not into you. No guy would put you on the sideline and leave you hanging like that if he was into you. Obviously he chased and caught you and now he's bored. Back off and focus on finding someone who can treat you a little better. Never ever undermine yourself.
venusianx13 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Yes, some men really love the chase. I had a guy after me for a while right around when things were just cooling off with my ex, and I didn't feel ready to date just yet. He was very communicative with me, would text me/message me every day, etc. I finally decided to go out with him, and we had a great date... but nothing romantic happened, just a nice dinner and great conversation. After that date, he was completely smitten with me... he would chat with me via text all day, just about every day. I thought he was great and my feelings for him started to develop further. We saw each other a couple of times after that, and all of a sudden, the texts became few and far between, he wasn't asking to see me, etc. This is a classic scenario. Well, whatever chance I had with the guy was ruined by my making a big deal out of it. And yes, I'm with you, it hurts. If you want any chance at all with this guy, pull back and let him have his man-space. He may start to miss you and realize how wonderful you are. And if he doesn't, well, was he really worth all the hassle then? Some things are meant to be, but not meant to last. Take notes and if this doesn't work out, you'll have gained some wisdom.
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