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Tried to distance myself from best friend who's in love with me... now he hates me :(

lady_jadie

By lady_jadie
in Friendship

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lady_jadie Member

lady_jadie

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Posted

So after our looong history (see my other thread if interested) my best friend and I decided to give each other some space, i.e not talk on the phone every night, not see or talk to each other for a couple of weeks til his birthday last saturday. It was hard but really good to see him sat. We had (a large group of our friends) all been planning to go see Paul Simon perform Graceland at Hyde park, I mean planning for months.

 

One problem. His best friend has been planning on moving in with him for about a year too, and in that year Phil (his Best friend) had become really good friends with me. Surely a good thing, as we did everything all as a three and all are totally on the same page. So Phil was staying at Dave (my best friend)'s house for a week and Dave has a full time job whereas Phil and I have just finished uni/college so Phil came over to mine for a drink, as I've been quite low with ex BF stuff and also not having my best friend in my life as much. Plus Dave goes to bed early on worknights (fair enough) so Phil and I had a couple bottles of wine at mine and ended up going to get tattoos at total random in the morning.

 

Dave said he was a bit hurt about this but didn't say much else (he always said he would NEVER get a tattoo anyway)

 

So then, five days after Dave invited me round for pizza and a film. Then he just turns round to me and says, 'Sorry, you won't like this, but I'm going to Graceland' :confused: was my face 'well, yeah, we all are?' was my response.

 

no. Turns out he's gone for a drink with a friend, Ani, the tuesday he encouraged Phil to come to mine, they ended up getting smashed and ordering two tickets, one for each of them, and arranged accommodation.

 

Obviously i was bloody upset, I told him honestly that it felt like he'd gone behind my back and that he hadn't even bothered phoning Phil and I to get us to get tickets too. He started shouting that he 'wouldn't trust my behaviour around ani' (the girl was a bitch behind my back when i was like, 19, 7 years ago and tbh I was annoyed because I hate backstabbing but jeez, I let it go like 6 1/2 years ago)

 

So I told him since he'd failed to invite me and the rest of the original gang to go along, I'd simply get a ticket myself and see who I bump into.

Considering we had literally just discussed getting the tickets the weekend before, I don't think this had to do with the 'more space' thing, as I saw it 'more space' is not talking on the phone every night, staying over friday-monday every weekend and just doing fewer but higher quality things together.

 

He literally went apesh*t, screamng that I hated Ani (I've told him many times about how ridiculous that was, that if she was his friend I would be excited to meet her) and why couldn't I just let him go have a good time with his good friend :confused: - My face again. I calmly repeated I'd texted Phil and he was up for coming with me and I could stay at his, that I would stay out of Dave's way, but there was no way I was gonna miss a performance of an artist I'd loved for years just because he was now kicking off.

 

So then he started yelling at me I'd taken his friend off him (Phil) and why couldn't I get my own friends, I was a manipulative, lying bitch, that I was no longer his friend, neither was Phil, and the trip to france us three had been planning for the beginning of August, we could f*ck off together cos he wasn't going.

 

Me and Phil get on like he and Phil get on. I Just can't get my head around what made him flip this hard. I don't think me voicing my hurt at being left out (not to mention the 4 other friends he failed to invite) was worth this vehemence, nor me hanging out literally twice with his best friend, ugh.

 

 

then last night I got a text that was just the lyrics from the Tom Petty and Stevie Nicks duet 'Stop Dragging My Heart Around'.

 

I couldn't have told him more firmly or acted so obviously about the fact thet nothing will ever happen between us that that seemed ridiculous to me.

 

 

I know nobody will probably have much to say to this (I'm pretty much speechless about it myself, so is Phil)...

 

But anyway, no matter, on Sunday I'M GOIN' TO GRACELAND, GRACELAND, GRACELAND! Shame this has put a dampener on it but :rolleyes:

 

Congratulations if you made it the end of this post, I'm pooped!!

 

xxxx

Affliction Shirt Established Member

Affliction Shirt

Posted
Posted

Judging from the title, he doesn't hate you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He just wants nothing to do with you anymore. Set him free and let the poor guy go get laid ffs. Don't waste his time and try to talk to him either, we fckin hate that pointless crap.

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

Posted
Posted (edited)

He has feelings for you, which I trust is why things got complicated. His wanting to go to a concert with this other girl was him trying to move on from the rejection delivered from you.

 

Giving space means requiring an indefinite amount of time to just do what you want to do without thinking about that person and their feelings. Giving space can go for a very long time..months even. It includes going with "ami" to the concert. He told you about ami and the concert because you guys had made plans prior to all this mess. So he did that to tie up the loose ends. It wasn't up for a discussion.

 

You made a mistake by discussing it with him.

 

If nothing is going to happen between you and him, then you've got to understand, you're the problem right now. If he brought you along to this concert while trying to talk to this new girl ami, all the negative emotions he feels with you will rub off on his relationship with her and it'll go to the dumps. So it would be you who would stop him from moving forward in his life. It doesn't sound very healthy does it? Plus, you're very connected to his best friend so he can't confide in anyone about his emotions. This is why he flipped out. There's no place to vent. It's rare that girls should follow a guy's flow cause usually it's vice versa..but in this case, go with his flow.

 

Rejecting him doesn't make you at fault at all but sticking around does, especially when he's trying to push you away..it means he needs it. Just cut contact and leave him alone for awhile and let him do his thing. In the mean-time, you move on too. If he contacts you, you can just tell him that you realized that the two of you needed space and that you don't want to make anything complicated or something to that effect and go from there.

 

Best of luck

Edited by Beachead
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lady_jadie Member

lady_jadie

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Judging from the title, he doesn't hate you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He just wants nothing to do with you anymore. Set him free and let the poor guy go get laid ffs. Don't waste his time and try to talk to him either, we fckin hate that pointless crap.

 

 

Cheers very much for the 'advice', affliction shirt. \i've been best friends with him for a year and he only told me he still had feelings for me at new years. In fact I've tried to encourage him to get with girls in this time. He told his friend he'd marry me in an instant. I haven't contacted him and won't, so I won't be doing any 'pointless crap' and I haven't wasted any of his time.

 

Beachead, thank you for your reply. this new girl is a friend of his he's known for 12 years. He isn't interested in her and she has a boyfriend.

 

And I told him I would give him as much space as he wanted/needed, he was the one who invited me over the weekend before last, and then this past weekend. He brought up the subject of going to the concert and obviously, as we'd all been talking about going the weekend before, I think that's out of order, and so did the other guys he stitched up. he didn't even tell us.

 

I also asked his friend to suggest therapy to him, as he's going down a slippery slope of benzodiazepines, drinking in the week and doing loads of coke, which isn't going to help him with his issues.

 

\thankyou again, i will leave him be although when phil spoke to him he was angry i didn't respond to his text.

 

Jadie

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