Beckr1 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm in a bit of a muddle about my boyfriend of 6 months. I've posted about some problems with my long distance relationship before and how i think he may be cheating, due to a few signs and catching him out in a few lies. He still tells me he loves me and wants to be with me yet "disappears" for hours at a time and tells me he's in work when i know he isn't, ignores my messages for hours, tells me his phone is dead (when it isn't) and other discrepencies. Plus the fact i'm sure there is another girl he is seeing. Well today was my birthday. He sent me a text msg saying happy birthday and a few other msgs telling me he is sorry he isn't with me and he wishes he was as he would have spoilt me etc. However he didn't even make the effort to send me a poxy e card. We had no plans for him to come see me for my birthday, yet he has said a few times he is sorry he isn't here and blames it on his bank card (he's been waiting a replacement for over a week). Yet if he was really planning on being here he would have booked his flight weeks ago (before his bank card problem), and would have had to book the time off work. It just doesn't add up. For his birthday a few months ago i made sure i sent him his pressie to arrive on the day and it was something i know he really wanted. Yet i get nothing. He made more effort on valentines day. Today has really made me think this is the final straw. I honestly believe he is passively aggressively trying to make me dump him. I have tried to hope for the best as i love him so much. Yet i fear he just can't end it with me so has been trying to make me end it. We haven't even made plans to talk later and inspite of his messages of sweet words, i think they are simply that, words with no meaning behind them. As much as i don't want to i really now feel i will have to end things myself I'm not sure of the best way? Obviously he doesn't want to talk to me. So from this weekend should i simply ignore him and go no contact? Or send a message saying "i know" which he can interpret anyway he wants? I've learnt there's no point in writing him a long explanation in a nice email, as he takes no note and denies he wants to split up. Which way do you think is the way to go? Bearing in mind i still love him but i fear he no longer wants to be with me?
Philosoraptor Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Ask him directly what he wants here and let him know where your boundaries are, and what the consequences of crossing them will be. That is if you still want to give this thing a shot. If not then explain to him why you are ending the relationship and be classy and wish him the best in the future. 1
Author Beckr1 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Ask him directly what he wants here and let him know where your boundaries are, and what the consequences of crossing them will be. That is if you still want to give this thing a shot. If not then explain to him why you are ending the relationship and be classy and wish him the best in the future. Thanks for the reply Philsoraptor. I asked him about 3 weeks ago in an email if he wanted to end things, and that if he did i would understand. He said he didn't, yet i just receive conflicting signals. The gut feeling of things not being right has been going on for about 2/3 months. I have also tried to explain to him on 3 occasions that him being quiet and "disappearing" upsets me, yet he continues to do so. I really don't want to end things as i love him deeply, and have told him that. However (and i really have no idea why) i think he is trying to force me to be the dumper. After the last email i sent i thought to myself i will try and believe what he tells me and maybe i am just being paranoid. But i really don't think i am I don't know how many more times i can ask him if he is happy, as i must be coming across as so needy and insecure. He just tells me the same thing, then changes the subject or avoids me. I want to do the right thing and wish him the best. Yet a part of me is also slightly angry that if he doesn't really want us together that he has dragged this out unnecessarily, when i gave him the opporunity if he wanted to, to walk away easily and with no hard feelings 2 months ago.
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