Edtheduck Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm sure you've seen my thread on the main breaking up page. It's coming up to the 3 month post BU mark next week. I seem to be finding it harder than ever right now. My ex is on my mind more than in previous weeks, I seem to be missing her and her prescence more than ever too. We've had brief LC recently, most recently last week where she said she would call me to talk but didn't. The last time she did she cried on the phone to me, so maybe that's a factor. Is it supposed to be like this 3 months on? In previous BU's, I've normally been well on the way to healing after a month or so. I just can't seem to shake off our good time memories and her herself. I have a little hope I admit that in time she may come back, but I'm also living my life right now by working hard. No dating too, I just don't feel ready for it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I believe I'm very much in love with her still, but there's nothing I can do about it as I don't want to push with the contact...
Exit Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well for one thing the LC isn't going to help you move on. But regardless of NC, LC, whatever, it's perfectly okay to feel this way at three months even if you feel like you used to get over past relationships faster. It just means this time is different.
Philosoraptor Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 To add to the above, don't worry about what you "should" be feeling. Everyone heals in their own way at their own pace. Just take care of yourself the best you can and let life happen. The more you foster your own growth the more efficient your healing will be. 1
Author Edtheduck Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks both. I went total NC for pretty much 4 weeks a month ago, and she was the one sending breadcrumbs. I did let my guard slip last week and sent her a message to say she was on my mind, and that she could talk if she wanted to. To that I got something back which indicated she wants to call, but she's fighting it herself. I have left communication channels open, but I'm not forcing anything right now. In a way I have to to help my healing process. I think the fact both I and her are so stubborn, even if we wanted to talk openly one person would have to let down their barrier. And I don't want it to be me, she BU with me so it has to come from her. I'm just finding it hard right now, everything is reminding me of her. Don't get me wrong, I've improved myself since the BU, identified what I need to do in the future, and in my mind and heart I've really forgiven her for her actions. I just miss her like mad right now.
Coffee20 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I am so sorry, I am on the same boat, three months and I miss him.... You should definitely go NC, it will help a lot because you have still hopes she might come back one day. I hope you will be better soon!
Author Edtheduck Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) Thanks Coffee, I've read your posts too and I know you're going through the same. I am going NC again as of yesterday. She knows where I am if she truly wants to talk. It's one thing saying she wanted to call, it's another thing doing it. Actions. You're right too, I do still hope. Even with NC I hope. But I don't ever expect or let that hope get too much. It's just so hard right now, and I honestly didn't expect it to be. It's come as quite a shock to me feeling like this. Emotions, crying, missing her, thinking of her. From where it came from I don't know. Edited July 10, 2012 by Edtheduck
Coffee20 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks Coffee, I've read your posts too and I know you're going through the same. I am going NC again as of yesterday. She knows where I am if she truly wants to talk. It's one thing saying she wanted to call, it's another thing doing it. Actions. You're right too, I do still hope. Even with NC I hope. But I don't ever expect or let that hope get too much. It's just so hard right now, and I honestly didn't expect it to be. It's come as quite a shock to me feeling like this. Emotions, crying, missing her, thinking of her. From where it came from I don't know. I understand it well.... , I sometimes have hopes too, but he won't call me or write me. I know it, he almost didn't call me when he was in relationship with me (I think 4 times during the whole relationship?) and he doesn't and didn't miss me. As much as I can't understand it I think it's the best way how to heal. And the thing with emotions - I have moments when I think I am just fine and then suddenly break down in tears, I miss him and wan to call him and plead him and "bother" him again. It's not worth I guess. I will pray for you to get through this, it's so hard .
Author Edtheduck Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Right back at you Coffee. It's a process, and a hard one at that. You've done well with your forced NC, so don't break it. Put it this way, I kinda reached out last week as the dumpee, reminding her that I think of her all the time. She then explained she wanted to call, but didn't know what to say and decided not to. I explained I've wanted to talk to her too, and at that point she said she would call....but she hasnt yet. I've even offered to stop being so stubborn and wanting to talk openly. What Im saying is, when us, as dumpee's reach out, it gives them the upper hand again. So try not to. I don't feel bad for doing it myself, but the non call does get my mind racing as to have I ****ed up, or is it just more time she needs. Keep doing what you're doing. Your ex will reach out one way or another if he misses you. Then you've just got to know what you'll do!
pathetic1999 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 10 weeks for me so not quite 3 months but coming up and it's harder over here too for me. I don't know why it's suddenly seeming harder but it is.
Author Edtheduck Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 It's interesting how the human body works. Although I miss my ex a lot, I feel confident in myself again. I'm looking good, feeling fit and healthy, and I have to say have accepted things were not so rosy with us. It's these things, which, in the last 3 months, I've been looking to put right for ME. I've come a long way mentally from the initial BU days. I'd love for my ex to see and hear all of this. I am considering calling her just to say hi, and taking the fear and stubbornness away from her and us both. I know she may not pick up, I know she may not want to talk to me. That's ok though. Yes I miss her, yes I still have feelings for her, but I also feel like the pain is now gone. It could backfire on me, I completely understand that. And I accept it too. Life is about challenges, things which are massive barriers. I've always lived my life thinking what if id done this, etc. Well as I see it now, I've nothing to lose really. 3 months is nothing I know. All our dates seem to be coming at once. Next week is the first time I said hi to her without meeting, in a few weeks the first time I met her....and the instant click we had. I guess that's a factor in the way I'm feeling too.
Author Edtheduck Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) Update. In the last few days myself and my ex have seemingly been wanting to talk openly. However, every time an attempt is made to call, there's no answer. Very odd behaviour I have to say. She knows that I've been thinking about her, and that I'd like to talk to her openly about things. But nothing has come of it as yet. In 3 days will be the first time I ever said hi to her last year. The rest took care of itself. And with my birthday fast approaching in 12 days, I guess I had hoped I could have seen her before. (I've not seen her since April) I guess I need to go back to NC now, and see if she takes the step to call. It's only right to be honest. She BU with me! Edited July 14, 2012 by Edtheduck
Author Edtheduck Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 3 months today my ex BU with me. How am I coping? Not bad I have to say. I still miss her like it was just yesterday I saw her. I still have deep feelings for her. However, I've realised in myself my part in what led to the BU. red flags I didn't see, times when we could have talked about it but didn't. I'm much stronger now, confident in myself, and able to process thoughts better. Don't get me wrong, I still get times where I just break down and cry, or can't stop thinking about her. Whats interesting is, we're both trying, allbeit very very slowly, trying to initiate a talk. A talk on the level, open and honest. It's me who has been reaching, but it's only as I think she's very nervous right now, and stubborn. I don't know what may come of it, I've asked if I can see her this weekend. I'd like to talk to her first though. It's so close to my birthday now, I'd like to think she may want to meet. It's a tricky situation. During this week period, I've told her I miss her, think of her, and I myself am letting my guard down a bit (I went NC for a month about 7 weeks ago) Don't know how it will play out, but I'll be sure to not keep too much hope. She could easily tell me to **** off if I push. Anyone been in a similar position? I'm stuck in limbo land right now, not knowing what she thinks or how she feels. And I don't want to reach out too much as it may come across as needy or pushy.
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