hernameispey10 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I apologize for the length... When we're good, we're unbelievably great. When we're bad, it's NASTY. There's a lot of verbal abuse involved, immaturity like leaving the house, ignoring phone calls, etc. Over the course of our 5-year relationship there's been numerous threats to break up. We've actually broken up a total of five times now. 4 out of 5 were initiated by him. Each of those breakups he told me he was done for good & that he was never coming back. I was devastated, but somehow he came back each time (within 3 weeks), only for us to end things once again. I presume because we rushed back into things without any real improvements. This time is SCARY. I don't want to give up on him. He's my first everything. As much as we don't get along sometimes, it's like I can never have another best friend like him. We're so perfect for each other, if we could just get past our issues & learn how to resolve them properly. I like to say we're no good for each other, but we're no good for anyone else (Kenny Chesney). HERE'S A QUICK BACKGROUND: A month before this breakup, we got into an argument that led me to write him a letter explaining why I was going to move out & that if we could work on those things I'd consider staying. He started including me in his life more. I started hanging with him & his friends & had the time of my life. He was including me on plan making. We were getting along so well! We both agreed it was the happiest we'd been in years. This lasted about two weeks until I left for Ireland for 12 days. We kept in contact - short & brief - things seemed fine until I came home to find him addicted to video games, completely ignoring me basically. He didn't even greet me when I arrived home because he was on his game. We fought for 4 days straight, until the last fight was so bad that here's what he texted me... J: I'm done with us. We're this bad after five years, we're never going to get better. Don't try to change my mind. Don't try to throw yourself at me. My decision is final, and it's never going to change. I'm sorry, but it's stupid of us to go any longer. We can't stay together, sorry. I hope you find the perfect guy. I'm not here. I'm sticking to my decision. It's the best for both of us. It's not going to be easy, but we're going to have to. We don't have a healthy relationship. I'll keep you in my heart, and I'll always love you. We just can't stay together. I'll tell little man mommy loves him all the time. I responded: I hope one day we can find each other again... Because something just doesn't feel right. :/ But I knew we needed something, just not this big. I felt so bad for being cruel to you. You never deserved that. If I just would have been kinder, I'd have more days of loving with you. ** I was then ignored & hours later sent a text asking, "When can you move out?" I didn't respond & had all my stuff out of the house by the time he arrived home... We haven't spoke since. That was a week ago. #1 Does it sound like there's nothing I can do to change his mind? Any suggestions on what I should do from this point to increase my chances of him giving us one last shot?? I'm already making huge changes, quitting bad habits he hated, becoming more independent, etc. I just want to prove myself & don't know how. #2 How should I use Facebook this time? He didn't delete me like he normally does; however, he's deleted all of our photos on there & not updated his status. Should I disappear as well by not updating stuff for a few weeks, or will that make him forget about me? Or will he miss me more? #3 He told his good friend he already misses me, but he has to stay strong this time & not come back since we're too bad. YET he told my friend he's not hurting at all. He's happy. He's enjoying being single. Is he lying to my friend in hopes it'll reach my ears?
flitzanu Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 #1 Does it sound like there's nothing I can do to change his mind? Any suggestions on what I should do from this point to increase my chances of him giving us one last shot?? I'm already making huge changes, quitting bad habits he hated, becoming more independent, etc. I just want to prove myself & don't know how. #2 How should I use Facebook this time? He didn't delete me like he normally does; however, he's deleted all of our photos on there & not updated his status. Should I disappear as well by not updating stuff for a few weeks, or will that make him forget about me? Or will he miss me more? #3 He told his good friend he already misses me, but he has to stay strong this time & not come back since we're too bad. YET he told my friend he's not hurting at all. He's happy. He's enjoying being single. Is he lying to my friend in hopes it'll reach my ears? #1 - no, you cannot force someone to change their mind, and you can't force someone to love you. you making "huge changes" in a week don't mean anything. you need to change for YOU, not because you want to prove something to him. either way, no one is going to recognize "change" so quickly, simply because you're doing it to prove something, not because you WANT to change. #2 - you need to block him on facebook and quit worrying about what he's doing, because it will NEVER be positive and facebook will NEVER make you feel good for what you see. #3 - no he's not lying to your friend in hopes it will reach you. if he wants you to know something, he'll tell you, not some friend. you're trying to read between the lines, and there are no lines to read between.
Author hernameispey10 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I don't really know what to make of your responses... #1 I'm not asking if I can "force" him to change his mind, just want to know if anyone thinks there is things I can do to possibly take down his wall of pride. I know he still loves me, there's not a doubt in my mind. He made this decision not because he wanted it, it's because he thinks we need it for the best... I just need to know if anyone thinks I could ever make him change his mind about his decision to NEVER come back (like he's suggested from past breakups). #2 I understand blocking him will help my progress, but I'm actually not checking up on it often, and when I do nothing really strikes me. He just does the same things he always does when we break up... I want to know how I can use my Facebook to help my chances of making him regret his decision. #3 As for this, are you saying the fact he says he isn't hurting... is happy... blah blah blah in one week is true? He knows that she tells me everything, and he's not open with me about his feelings. It's hard not to read between the lines when he tells his friend one thing and my friend another.
flitzanu Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 everything you're asking about is still in reference to manipulating his thoughts and feelings. "force" and "manipulate" aren't that different. what your'e asking is, are there things you can to do trick him and make him think he made a huge mistake?
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