Latte Love Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 So we were a success story. We had something to be proud of. We weathered every storm. 12 years into the marriage and I am sitting here wondering how I divorce him and leave him. Why do I want to leave? I'm no angel. So first, I'll say the reasons I want to leave - his "wrongs" and then I will bluntly share mine. 1 - He is verbally and emotionally abusive to me and to our children - two boys between ages 8-12. 2 - He tends to be very controlling - has been since day one (I qualified that for a reason). He has always been suspicious and not trusting - even when I was trustworthy. 3 - He is lazy as *****. He sleeps during the day, blaming insomnia. But he is up all night playing video games. He is self employed, so I likely wouldn't complain if he spent the nights at least earning $, but he doesn't. Nor does he clean the house. I work full time. 4 - He abuses medications. He takes too much of his prescribed ADD meds, pops vicodin to elevate his mood - has bought painkillers online twice in the last two years - (I swore I'd leave after the first time, but he claims I never said that, the second time was just a couple months ago and now here I am trying to plan how to leave) 5 - He is often disinterested in sex, but fine with porn and his hand. I have a high sex drive and wouldn't care ALL that much about the porn if I didn't feel it replaced me in fullfilling his needs. I know I can't be that bad at sex, if I am lacking in skills I have the enthusiasm and willingness to try for improvement to make up for it. Ok, so my issues. Cause there are those too. But there's really only one big one that makes me feel my marriage doesn't stand a chance. When the going gets really tough with him?? I fall vulnerable to the advances of other men. Point blank. When we were dating my H broke it off with me constantly. During a few of those break ups I rebounded with a few flings. After we got married I stayed faithful until 4 years ago. I got a new job, things in the marriage were ok, but it was a regular occurance for us to argue and for my H to tell me how stupid, worthless, fat, ridiculous, I was, etc. At that time I was a little over weight, but I had just lost a bunch of weight, so I was actually looking pretty good - a man at work took notice - he was an experienced player I believe. I did try to tell him to leave me alone, I ran from him a lot, but after a few months of chasing, he finally got me to relent. It was a short lived affair, but it'd been so long since I'd had a man tell me I was beautiful, smart, funny, cute... No excuses. Besides, I made matters worse by sleeping with a different coworker around the same time. At that time I had decided to leave my H and I guess I didn't figure it mattered. I did tell my H about both of them and he begged me not to leave. Begged me to go to MC with him and work through things. Swore he didn't even know there had been problems to begin with, or that his treatment of me was all that bad. After the first year of recovery from all of that we had a fantastic year. Best year of our entire relationship. We were madly in love, treated each other so well. And he began to regress. That's when he ordered the first round of painkillers online. That's when the name calling started up again. That's when the drinking on occasion (not for the enjoyment of it - strictly for getting drunk) began. I can go through specifics. But I don't want to hold anything from the first 8 yrs against him - we filed that in "past" with my affairs and his abuse. This second run is not as bad as the first, but I have lost it so much sooner. To make matters worse. We are in foreclosure with our house. The plan was to work on his business, so we were going to move in with family two states over so we could work on it together. I have a really good job here. If I want to leave him, I will have support by family if I move, but can't file for 6 months. Or I have to tell my boss I am not leaving, keep my job, and just bite the bullet to do it. I spoke with a lawyer yesterday. She told me to either divorce him here and now, then entertain moving after all the paperwork is final, or move WITH him as originally planned and divorce him after I have residency. I don't think I'll be strong enough to leave him in 6 months...not if he's "working" on things. I believe if I move with him I am signing up for 3-5 yrs longer in the marriage. So the question is. Will any changes he makes right now be permanent or just smoke in mirrors to keep me around? Should I bite the bullet, leave now - chance him stalking me around town and having to figure out how to be a single mother here with out much by way of help? Or do I commit to stay with him for awhile longer and hope for the best?
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