jmjacobs31 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Long story short my boyfriend of 12 years unexpectedly broke up with me. We had been having some problems in our relationship but I didn't think it would end up in us splitting up. We've had a rocky relationship for as long as I can remember. When its good its great and when its bad its sucks. He's a workaholic and an alcoholic. He also refuses to talk about feelings and we hardly have any communication in our relationship. If I had an issue in our relationship I didn't feel comfortable coming to him to talk about. If I ever cried he would get mad and then leave the house. I think he suffers from depression and has some past issues from his childhood to deal with (his dad commuted suicide when he was 13 and he has never dealt with this). One day we had a fight and he avoided me/disappeared for a week until I came home from work one day to him telling me I had to leave and go stay with a friend while he took time to "Think". After a week of him "thinking" he decided it was best for us to break up. I was upset by this for the obvious reasons and also because he didn't even want to try to work on the relationship. We moved in together 7 years ago when we moved to a different state away from out friends and family and we bought a house together 3 years ago (only in his name but I contributed a large amount to buying/maintaining the house). Its been three months since our breakup and i still feel horrible. I often ask my self WTF happened and where did my life go? I am finding myself missing my old life (but I was not happy in my relationship) and I wish he wanted me back (even though i know it would not work). I am having a hard time letting him go. I miss him like crazy and have horrible anxiety. I know in reality we needed to break up, he refuses to go to counseling, or admit to having any issues, so why is this so dang hard. I think about him constantly and it sucks. We share a large group of friends so we will always be in each others lives, which kinda sucks... I wish it could be a clean break. I am also having a hard time dealing with how hes dealt with the situation. It hurt that he was willing to give me up, and our dogs (i took them) and the life he has known for the last 7-12 years so easy. I found out that he was already trying to sleep with someone he works with starting the day we broke up and has been out with (not sure if hes had sex with) 2 other girls in the first 2 months of our split. I am just looking for some male opinion on this. I don't know if this is just him trying to see if the grass is greener type of thing (im the only girl hes been with), or if he just checked out of our relationship a long time ago. To me I feel like he moved on way to fast. How do you just forget someone you spend half you life with? How do you give up your life and begin a new one. All my dreams/future plans are now changing and its scary. I am seeing a therapist and that has helped but i still feel broken. I hate that while hes out on dates and having a good time I am sad and hurting. It sucks to think that hes not going to be in my life anymore. I know the reality of the situation I am just having a hard time accepting it.
Philosoraptor Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Everyone picks their own path to move on. Some are a bit quicker, some more destructive, some more patient... etc. All you can do is focus on yourself and do whatever you can to avoid what's going on in his life. Find new hobbies, join a group, volunteer, etc. Just do things for you and you'll find healing to be more efficient. 1
andyg99 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Long story short my boyfriend of 12 years unexpectedly broke up with me. We had been having some problems in our relationship but I didn't think it would end up in us splitting up. We've had a rocky relationship for as long as I can remember. When its good its great and when its bad its sucks. He's a workaholic and an alcoholic. He also refuses to talk about feelings and we hardly have any communication in our relationship. . consider yourself lucky that he is gone... look at what I bolded... being an alcoholic did you honeslty think he was capable of doing what you wanted him to do? (feelings, communication, etc.)... work on yourself now, good thing you are seeing a therapist, you need to get to the point where you have higher standards and wouldn't even consider taking him back...
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