KansasChica Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 So, my ex and I broke up seven months ago (he broke up with me) and couldn't give me one definite reason. "I was his first real girlfriend, he lost the spark, we're in different places in life, etc. etc." He took the breakup really hard- sobbed when he ended it. I was too shocked to beg or plead and just left- although I sent him a letter a week letter asking to work on things. I could tell he was still confused- he called and said he wanted me back to only change his mind a day later. After that, we went NC. I reached out a couple times via email and I could tell he was really angry with me for some reason. Like he blamed me for everything. We've been seeing each other more lately at mutual parties and whatnot and hooked up about a month ago. It wasn't awkward or anything, but he told me he still loved me and missed me. With that being said, he never contacts me... he never tries to be at the same places I am. When we first started dating, I had to make all the first moves because of his shyness and fear of rejection. My question is: if a guy really wanted you back, they would make an effort right? I mean, I've never outright asked him if he wanted to work on things and get back together. Although I've been feeling it. He broke up with me...he should be the one making the steps right?
Philosoraptor Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 If your heart really wants something you'll find that pride is nothing but a silly word. Until he makes a move I wouldn't get my hopes up. 3
Author KansasChica Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks Philoso! You're right. I miss him, but I can't be with someone who's not willing to fight for something...and who can't admit his faults. Sometimes I just need reminded.
Mariana345 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I think so. First of all, because he did the breakup, so, he's the one who has to want the relationship again, and make the effort to recover it. I don't have any advice to you but to lkeep moving with your life, and if in the meantime he DO SOMETHING to get you back, then you'll see if you want that. Good luck
pathetic1999 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I hear you...mine has done nothing but mention my birthday to his brother to remind my friend. Shows me he's thinking of me but he didn't contact me direct so as much as I want to read into it, I can't if he wanted me back he would get me back he knows how I feel.
Author KansasChica Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Well, do you think I should outright ask him if he wants to work on things? I've always kind of taken it as actions speak louder than words, but do some guys need a budge?
big bear Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well, do you think I should outright ask him if he wants to work on things? I've always kind of taken it as actions speak louder than words, but do some guys need a budge? If your heart wants to be with someone you lose all fears of rejection and shyness. That said not all people are same. Some are really shy. Introspect first are you rationalizing this to contact him?? I think you might be.
flitzanu Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 no you should not reach out to him and ask him. he dumped you. just because you saw him at a party and slept with him does not indicate that he wants to 'get back together' either.
Author KansasChica Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I don't know.. I'm just still confused about the whole situation. This has been by far the hardest breakup... mainly because a part of me thinks that my ex just freaked out (fear of commitment or something) but there was still love there. There's a new guy in the picture who has expressed interest in me. A part of me wants to see where things go with the new guy, but a part of me is still holding out hope that my ex wants to work on things. sigh.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Well, do you think I should outright ask him if he wants to work on things? I've always kind of taken it as actions speak louder than words, but do some guys need a budge? He may need a budge. Considering he left you, or maybe he's just self-conscious or whatever (reason is irrelevant anyway), he may not be too sure about how you feel.
hinatticus Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 If your heart wants to be with someone you lose all fears of rejection and shyness. That said not all people are same. Some are really shy. Introspect first are you rationalizing this to contact him?? I think you might be. Her ex is extremely insecure. Check her other thread. This guy needs one of his pals to hold his hand to ask her out again. That's if he even wants too. In his eyes he's no good for any woman. She has horrible taste in men because she dated him. Those are his words, not mine.
Author KansasChica Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Ha...it's true! He's totally insecure! It's so weird that he's like that, because during our relationship he opened up a good deal to me and was independent, but it's like he's reverted back since we broke up. Maybe that was his coping mechanism? I don't know. These posts are almost like me thinking out loud. I think he's too insecure for any relationship. I have to accept that.
hinatticus Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I consider myself pretty insecure, but your ex makes me feel like superman.
Author KansasChica Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 In retrospect, he's probably the most insecure person I've ever met. He switches from putting himself down to being hyper-sensitive to criticism. He's also very materialistic. That's a sign of insecurity too right?
hinatticus Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I'm not sure. I'm not very materialistic. I may have been when I was younger, but now I don't really care.
Samilia Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 A guy, a girl, yes, they should make the effort. By effort I mean they should have the balls to be clear with their intentions, to communicate them to you.
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