upsidedown2 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) I've finally made the decision to proceed with a divorce. It was a long journey to this decision, but when I saw my wife passionately kissing her boyfriend goodbye yesterday I decided that this is the time. I had been spying on her email and knew she was meeting him for drinks. In February she told me she had cut off all contact with him and never wanted to see him again. This was obviously a lie. I parked where I could see her car and waited for them to come out of the bar. They stood by the car kissing for about 10 minutes, then she got in the car and he stuck his head through the window and probably kissed her again. He then repeated this two more times before she drove off. We've been married 10 years, have no kids together and no kids at home. My question is how should I handle it. I have an appointment with an attorney later this week, so I'm not asking for legal advice, just what to say to wife. Question #1: 1. Should I rent an apartment, move all of my things out first, then tell her? 2. Or, should I have a discussion with her and try to get her to agree to the D? She will probably be very upset because I make over twice as much as she does and she will be losing her meal ticket. Question #2: 1. Should I tell her that I realize that neither one of us is happy and that life is too short to be unhappy, and that we should go our separate ways. 2. Or should I tell her that I saw her kissing the boyfriend and that this is not acceptable. Her definition of cheating is having sex and I have no proof that she has had sex with this guy or either of the other two, although I strongly suspect that she has. So she would probably say that what she did was wrong, but that divorce is way too strong a punishment. This guy lives out of town and is only in town for this week, so last night was probably a reunion and she'll probably have sex with him later in the week. However, I'll probably not be able to catch them or prove it. 3. Or should I just get the paperwork completed and give it to her? I want to try to make the divorce as easy as possible on everyone and I would love suggestions on what to do to accomplish this. Edited July 10, 2012 by upsidedown2
bentnotbroken Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Get the paper work ready and have her served. You should also be looking for a place to stay and decide what you want in a settlement. If you have no children and she is employed, let her new BF take care of her. Only answer her questions if you want to. Otherwise all communication should go through an attorney.It isn't about what she wants but what you need.
Steen719 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Get the paper work ready and have her served. You should also be looking for a place to stay and decide what you want in a settlement. If you have no children and she is employed, let her new BF take care of her. Only answer her questions if you want to. Otherwise all communication should go through an attorney.It isn't about what she wants but what you need. I agree with this and I would also say that it does not matter what she thinks is cheating if you think what she is doing is cheating (and btw, I agree that it is cheating). Just for curiosity, I wonder what she thinks would be an appropriate "punishment" for what she has done. Good Lord, she is not a child caught with her hand in a cookie jar. Rip the band-aid off. Good luck.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm sorry to be blunt, but at this point all you really need to do is handle this in the way that is most easy and stress-free for YOU. Don't worry about her and how she is going to take it. It's time to do what is best for you.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm sorry to be blunt, That's not blunt and its not what he needs to hear. I've finally made the decision to proceed with a divorce. It was a long journey to this decision, but when I saw my wife passionately kissing her boyfriend goodbye yesterday I decided that this is the time.[/Quote] Allow me to be the first to dare you to get divorced and lay 10-1 odds against you filing papers within the next 2 months that actually lead to a divorce. You are here to have people tell you how wrong she is and how you don't deserve to be treated like this. Boo hoo hoo, waa waa waa. Sure, you're the victim. Just like you were the victim in 2006 and 2008 and 3 days ago when you totally, absolutely, 100%, definitely, for sure decided that was the day you were going to get divorced. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/334533-house-upside-down Quit asking irrelevant questions, finding new and better reasons to get divorced and just go get divorced already.
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