revenant Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Ok brand new here! So my problem is sort of a lack of dating, im 20 years old, virgin, no boyfriend, no real 'ex's'. Had a couple of flimsy flings with friends of friends and done a couple of daft things when drunk but is this normal? Most of the time i'm completely fine with this situation, i'm not on the look out (though I do appreciate eye-candy) and don't see any relationships in the near future. But occasionally i'll get a bit lonely and think maybe I should put a bit more effort into finding something. I mean this is sort of the age people are geting into serious relationships and planning their futures, having kids and getting married, there's seems to have been a rush of that amongst alot of friends and family. But no one has ever caught my interest for long and 97% i'm just not interested at all but i'm feeling a bit left behind. So, is it time to start looking? OR shall I just wait around for the perfect specimen to come along even if it takes till i'm 80?
denise_xo Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Maybe you are asexual: ASEXUALS: Who Are They and Why Are They Important? | Psychology Today BBC News - What is it like to be asexual?
Author revenant Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 It's seeming pretty likely but it would be quite depressing to accept that
louise_23 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 It's seeming pretty likely but it would be quite depressing to accept that nonsense. you're not asexual. google involuntary celibacy. you say you're not on the look out, so why force yourself into something just to 'fit in'? it seems to me people starting families younger and getting married younger (like teens/ early 20's) have more drama and relationship breakdowns. people i know that are older married young, wound up divorced but do seem happier in their 2nd marriages. my own relationship of 6yrs ended a few years ago. at the time i felt like a failure because everyone else around me was seemingly settled down. now theyre all breaking up. things like this run in cycles. dont feel like the awkward one because you havent been in a relationship yet. when the time is right, youll feel like having a relationship. ive been single 2 years. i will be for the next two. and for what its worth on the 'casual' front - rarely worth it in my opinion. dont do something just to be able to say youve done it. one off sexual encounters in my opinion arent nice experiences. fun at the time, but ultimately put your health at risk, damage your reputation if you're female, and you wind up feeling a bit used. if you're happy, dont change and dont worry about this. you're still very young.
Bristolius Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 You're not dating or starting a family. What are you doing with your life? Not knowing what to do, or what you want seems OK for a 20 year old.
Author revenant Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 It isnt that I think that's what life should all be about. But everyone around me is getting to that stage and have started pointing out that i've never really had a boyfriend. Personally I was ok with the situation but it worried me that when so many people are noticing it maybe it isn't quite normal.
Bristolius Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Advice from a random Internet stranger: Live your life. Explore and learn. Be open to dating and relationships, but don't worry about being normal. I like your username. Kind of scary.
Author revenant Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I do agree. I just needed an opinion that wasn't mine. I have good friends but no one I feel comfortable talking about sex with.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Are you a feminist? Do you subscribe to the whole dogma of "I don't need a man"? It has been scientifically proven that feminism kills your sex drive and desire for relationships.
FitChick Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 If people your age are marrying and starting families, I assume you live in the middle of nowhere, with no opportunities. Move to a big city and have fun. If you are 30 and a virgin and not dating, then worry about it. Or not.
Disillusioned Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Nuthin' wrong with being asexual. The only problem IME is that society has stigmatized it.
Bob_Funk Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Most girls are pretty much asexual, which is why it takes so much for them to get aroused. You're normal.
Author revenant Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I'm about as far from feminist as it's possible to get but I understand what you mean
CarrieT Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Do you masturbate or have any sexual urges? It is one thing to not desire a relationship and another to not have any sexual responses whatsoever.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm about as far from feminist as it's possible to get but I understand what you mean Are on on the pill? Do you take any other hormonal medicine or steroids? Those things can mess up your sex drive big time.
Author revenant Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Why would I be on the pill? I mentioned the no sex part right? And nope no other medication just next to no interest in having sex or a relationship
GorillaTheater Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Do you masturbate or have any sexual urges? It is one thing to not desire a relationship and another to not have any sexual responses whatsoever. Hoping to hear a response to this, otherwise any feedback or advice is likely pointless.
CarrieT Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Why would I be on the pill? I mentioned the no sex part right? And nope no other medication just next to no interest in having sex or a relationship I have known many virgins to go on the pill to regulate their cycle. It is not an unusual question...
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