BlazePT Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Hey, guys... I have to tell you this story...! It's a REALLY long one, but I had to share it with you. You might have noticed from my previous post ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/334408-she-texted-saying-she-would-like-meet-me-talk-holy-cow ) that my ex wanted to meet up with me. So, I told you guys that I'd ignore it, but let's face it: I wanted to give her a chance to say whatever she needed to say to me; I also was curious of what that might have been. So, we met up at about 21:30, on the beach, with the sunlight still on the sky but fading, and she was like I had never seen before: she was nervous, anxious, sad about life, frustrated, you name it. So, we cought up and the talk was mainly about what we did wrong in the relationship and what could we do to at least keep a friendship like the one we had before. Most of you guys were right. As you might have guessed, I was cringing... But ALWAYS kept listening, calm, and never blamed her for anything and never made ANY excuse for whatever she blamed me about. I had already lost my hope for something more than friendship. I let her do the talking, basically. Ok, so after a while, I told her I needed to go home. She said "Sure, I understand. But to be honest, I don't want you to go." So, we were just about leaving and I couldn't help but give her a BIG hug. She started crying at my shoulder and I thought "Oh, crap... So much for the 'not giving your ex emotional support' thing." But I thought... "Whatever, let me just embrace this moment." She kept telling me "I don't want to let go of you! I was really needing this...". I told her that I didn't want to let go of her either. I told her "hey, let's hang out for a while? No hard feelings". She said "Yes, please! Let's!!" . So, here it started. We went to eat a hot-dog and talked about how we were coping with the whole breakup situation. I told her that many good things came from the breakup that tought me so much about life itself: I told her that one of the things most people don't notice is that the hard truth is: you are mostly alone in the world. The only person that accompanies you till your dying day is yourself; if it wasn't for the breakup, I wouldn't have ever noticed that and arrange my life to deal with that fact. I told her that the pain from the breakup was unavoidable but the suffering about it was optional! I also told her that I needed to think logically and do whatever it takes to minimize hurting myself even more and doing even more wrong things and especially learn from my mistakes. As I was talking, I noticed she was listening really scared and surprised with my attitude. I wasn't faking it at all. It wasn't just a "yeah, look at me, I'm so grown up now and now you'll want me back.". No, it was genuine. As I said previously, my hope for reconciliation was long gone at the time. I even talked to her about the idea of co-dependency and that it was probably what kept myself from moving on, and her too, for that matter. After eating, we went on a small road trip, just to break the ice and have a few laughs. We still talked a lot about what we should do to still keep in touch but without hurting ourselves. I even told her that, as much as I wouldn't like to admit it, I thought that it might be a good thing to date other people. She said she knew it too, but didn't even want to talk about it: she couldn't bear the thought of thinking about me with another girl. We passed through many places we had been at when we were dating and talked about the memories and happy times at those places. We did about 100 miles total. During the trip, she couldn't handle but give me her hand, sometimes hugging me and we kept saying "It's like the breakup never happened... So strange". She mainly also kept saying "I don't want this night to end. I don't want tomorrow to come. I just want to be here with you...". To which I replied "Don't think about it. Don't think about tomorrow. Just enjoy the moment. If it's not real, well... Let's just stay in virtual land for a while longer ". We were acting like we were still BF/GF, except for the kissing. So, we ended up parking the car on a hill, with the sea in front of us. It was about 4 a.m. already. We pulled our seats back and just lied down staring at each other and cuddling. We were both tired but didn't want to sleep at all. She was lying her head on my chest and I was cuddling her head. We started kissing each other's cheeks and... well you guessed it. The unavoidable happened. We started kissing each other's lips for about 30 secs, before she broke up crying and hugging me tightly... I just said "It's ok... Calm down...". About then, the sun was already rising. It was 6:30AM. We started looking for a place to have breakfast. I told her to sleep for a while, while I drove to a cafeteria. When I woke her up, she told me that it was like we never had been apart. She felt that morning comfort and security that she missed so much over the last 2 months. We went to the cafeteria and I did my best to keep her comfortable. Just smiled, chatted about anything... It was a really great feeling. After breakfast, we went for a walk. We walked through a beautiful green field, next to the sea, where we shared many great memories. At about that time, she held my hand, as if we were still dating. We sat down on a bench and hug up tightly. After some time, she was saying things like "My gosh... I can't even recognize you... The way you talk, the things you talk about... It even kind of scares me! Especially that whole co-dependency thing... Did you really grow up so much in just 2 months?" to which I replied: "Well, it's a simple thing: do you remember when I first went to Navy basics? I entered like a child and 3 weeks later I had to change: it was either that or be excluded. Same thing happened here. Either you change or you fall back: sometimes you need life to teach you many things the hard way." She then said... "You know... I was talking to a lady the other day and she said that when she was 16 y.o., she was already dating her current husband and she loved him endlessly; however, she kept saying to her mom:' Mom, I love him so much, but he's so childish! I want him to grow up!!' and her mom said ' Honey, don't worry. Give him time. He WILL grow up, one way or the other. He'll have to.' So this got me thinking about our situation... " Ok, you guys now might guess how my hopes were slightly changing, even though I tried not to think too much about it. She then said "You know... I wouldn't want this to end. I don't really, but we're going to have to make a decision, later. We have to go back to reality, some time... what's reality to you? Do you.... want to give it another shot...? Is this really just that co-dependency you were talking about? " I said "I don't know, dear. But I'm not thinking too much about it! You know what... Do you like being with me? Do I like being with you? If so... Let's just let it be! Why would we want to think about making decisions or whatever?! Hey, keep it simple! " She then said "You're right!! Let's just enjoy the moment!". And I said "You know what? I missed seeing that ear-to-ear smile!!" and she replied with "And I miss being able to wear it!!! " We ended up walking even more through the town and started flirting and playing with each other. It was like the first time, but even better. When we got back to the car , we started heading for the beach, again. She just stared at me the whole time, while I was driving and said things like "That shirt fits you really well... ", "I like your tan... That colour fits you perfectly!" and at the same time she was petting me and kissing my neck... She then said... "......you know.... at the time of the BU... I had really forgotten about how these things were wonderful. I only concentrated on the bad things... Truth is, I missed feeling madly in love again...... which I'm kind of feeling now!" And I said "Of course you are... Who wouldn't be, with a hot guy like me next to you? " lol... Ok, when we got to the beach, the flirting was OFF THE CHARTS!! We even "attacked" each other about who started the whole kissing thing, a few hours before! She kept talking about how some guys that were on the beach were hot... And I replied with how some gals were also hot and even maybe hotter than her... Ok, you might be guessing what went on then... Suddenly we started kissing more PASSIONATELY than ever before. I couldn't believe it. I was afraid of waking up again from another god damn dream. Oh my god... Some time after she even said that she wanted to give me the keys to her home, because she'll be home alone for 1 week in August!! She said that it would be good if I made her a surprise.... with something romantic added!! (It's the FIRST TIME in THREE FREAKING YEARS that she's HOME ALONE!!!!). She kept telling me "Gosh... I hadn't felt like this in ages... ". I was so damn excited... She told me "Please.... don't let me act like your mother again. Yell at me if you have to!" (It was a pretty frequent thing for her to sometimes make me things like she was my mother and that started really upsetting her lately in the r/s). And I replied with "Please, don't ever hold back if I ever hurt you again. Please let me know about it." So, we were almost 24 hours with each other, and at this time, we were at the beach, hugging each other, making out... While the sun was setting, like the night before. Yes, it seems like this came straight from a hollywood movie! And I can't believe I have the main role. I hadn't slept one bit, but I didn't want to either. When we went to each other's homes, I told her... "I have to be honest with you... I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of letting you down in some way." And she said "Don't think about it. I'm also afraid. I'm afraid you'll enter through that door and change your mind." and I said "I'm afraid of the exact same thing! You know what...? Let's not start off where we left. Let's start it from a new beginning!" So, we kissed passionately again, and went home. Ok, guys, this is my story. I'm happy, but at the same time I'm really anxious and nervous. I'm really afraid of making the wrong move again. We're taking things REALLY slow and it felt good when today I texted her and she replied with "omg, I felt the butterflies on my stomach when you sent me the text. I was holding myself the whole day trying not text you!" The thing is, it's the first time in my life where I'm dating someone that I REALLY desire! I feel like a spoiled brat LOL . I know that she's feeling the same way too... However, I also feel VERY insecure of myself. Before we started kissing each other on the beach, I was confident, flirty and playful... But now I'm really confused and insecure... Please, guys. It's the first time I'm going through something like this and if possible, I would like to know about your thoughts to make things work out. We're really taking things DEAD SLOW. We don't want to make the same mistakes again or rush anything. We won't see each other anytime during this week, but might do some occasional texting. I'm really scared and insecure of myself. I'm afraid of losing my "MOJO" with her. I don't want to sound like an insecure, needy, puppet guy because she and I KNOW that I'm not that person. However, I really need some advice. Thanks in advance for either reading the whole thing, giving some advice, and ESPECIALLY, THANK YOU ALL for all of your support and caring until now!! *HUGS*
Philosoraptor Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 All I can say is communicate and trust yourself. I'm hoping the best for you as it seems that the right changes were made to give this thing a real chance. 2
GeeziG Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Damn bro your in the game! Your getting the second chance that most of are praying and searching LS(don't **** it up) lol jk but just be yourself sounds like you've realized your mistakes so just apply the necessary steps to correct them going forwards think before you act don't be the same guy without being the same guy...if you know what I mean hut remember it takes two so she has to do her part as well best of luck to you 1
Author BlazePT Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) All I can say is communicate and trust yourself. I'm hoping the best for you as it seems that the right changes were made to give this thing a real chance. I have no doubt about that. I know that I've changed in these last 2 months. She even said that the previous me wasn't so compatible to her as the new me seems to be. It's all so new... It's like I'm dating a totally new person. Thank you very much, Philosoraptor . Damn bro your in the game! Your getting the second chance that most of are praying and searching LS(don't **** it up) lol jk but just be yourself sounds like you've realized your mistakes so just apply the necessary steps to correct them going forwards think before you act don't be the same guy without being the same guy...if you know what I mean hut remember it takes two so she has to do her part as well best of luck to you I don't want to **** it up lolol (I know you're kidding, but I'm not )! That's exactly what I'm afraid of!! Yes, we talked very much about where we went wrong in the past. We are willing to overcome these issues; but it's really like I'm dating the first time! Even though it was all still there when we went walking and stuff, right now it's seems like that "gaining each other's confidence" phase, when one is dating for the first time. Thank you very much for your support, GeeziG. Edited July 10, 2012 by BlazePT
Thisisbs Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 What a jump. She was saying stuff about moving on and it looked pretty obvious that she was guilty, I guess not. I'm happy for you man, and I knew you would talk to her regardless of what we said, and it turned out so well! Goodluck with your future, and be yourself. 1
wilsonx Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Sigh..... headsashed 2.0 incoming. You are going to get hosed like no tomorrow While I agree with Philo on he's making the changes... SHE isnt going to, doesnt care, its all about her
Author BlazePT Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 What a jump. She was saying stuff about moving on and it looked pretty obvious that she was guilty, I guess not. I'm happy for you man, and I knew you would talk to her regardless of what we said, and it turned out so well! Goodluck with your future, and be yourself. Well, actually, I didn't mention it, but some time during the initial talk, I noticed that she was also trying to relieve her guilt by making sure we were fine with each other. But yes, you were right... I really went to talk to her Couldn't help it I thank you for all your support, Thisisbs.
headsashed Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Sigh..... headsashed 2.0 incoming. You are going to get hosed like no tomorrow While I agree with Philo on he's making the changes... SHE isnt going to, doesnt care, its all about her What ye mean wilson lol,i hope ur wrong though,and he doesnt get hosed like i did. Good luck blaze,hope it all works out for you.
steelgator Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Well Blaze, your story gives me hopes bro. You posted on my thread saying my situation is yours and its deja-vu. she just wants to be friends and wants me to grow up and i have hurt her. We aren't on speaking terms right now, 10th day NC. But i know at one point we will catch up because we will be near eachother in a months time and I hope to God that this same thing happens to me. Your story has made me so happy bro.
Samilia Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Looking good champ! Calm down though One day at a time. Remember the mistakes that took you both down the break up road and don't make them again.
Oncehadluv Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 when you showed her youve changed shes going to push you to your limits and have her cake, you just signed up for a bumpy ride good luck because your going to need every ounce of it to hang in this " new start" ive been there done that like an MVP to only lose about 1.5 years of reinvestment
Svet74 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 when you showed her youve changed shes going to push you to your limits and have her cake, you just signed up for a bumpy ride good luck because your going to need every ounce of it to hang in this " new start" ive been there done that like an MVP to only lose about 1.5 years of reinvestment so you stuck around a yr and a half after your breakup and u guys never got back together?
Oncehadluv Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 so you stuck around a yr and a half after your breakup and u guys never got back together? no i crawled and begged for her back, when we were back together she was a different person, after a year and some change i said F -it because i couldnt take it anymore
Samilia Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 no i crawled and begged for her back, when we were back together she was a different person, after a year and some change i said F -it because i couldnt take it anymore Either way you'll find your answer, you'll either be with her, or able to move on for good.
Oncehadluv Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Either way you'll find your answer, you'll either be with her, or able to move on for good. i have my answer (s) NC has shown me what type of person she is and what type of person i need. ill be single for a while by choice and life is fun right now and stress free
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