USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Here's a topic I don't think I've ever seen discussed on LS, yet it has been something that has always bothered me in my own relationships... How "sleep compatible" are you with people you've dated or are dating? Are you both "good at sleep," i.e., do you generally fall asleep easily? Or do you or your partner have trouble sleeping? I can fall asleep very easily and can sleep through practically anything. Everyone I've ever dated has always had sleep issues, so I've always felt bad that I could sleep so easily, while they'd have trouble...and sometimes I feel like my being there keeps them up or wakes them up... Additionally, I love sleeping in, and of course, every girl I've dated doesn't...so they are almost always awake sometimes hours before me and go off to do their own thing, leaving me to sleep...and I'm sure that bothers them...which in turn bothers me... So how much do you value sleep compatibility? And have you been lucky in your life to be in relationships where your sleep habits and patterns matched your partner's? If they didn't, what did you do?
Pyro Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Not an issue here because we both would sleep in all day if we could get away with it. As far as falling asleep at night it is a lot easier for her to than myself.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 That was a major problem in my last relationship. My ex liked to get up at 7am, even on the weekends and I liked to sleep in. So he would either wake me up (which annoyed me), or let me sleep but then complain how I have wasted half a day by sleeping He wanted me to start getting up at 7am so that I would keep him company. I refused. That was one of the big sources of friction in the R.
Lonely Ronin Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I have wasted half a day by sleeping . Ha, this sounds like me every Saturday & Sunday. I mean honestly whats the point of a day off, if you can't sleep in.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Ha, this sounds like me every Saturday & Sunday. I mean honestly whats the point of a day off, if you can't sleep in. I woke up at 3 pm yesterday...it was glorious...or my life really is that boring...
Lonely Ronin Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I woke up at 3 pm yesterday...it was glorious...or my life really is that boring... For the love of god man, have you heard of the snooze button?
Author USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 For the love of god man, have you heard of the snooze button? Yes. A blew through two hours of it. After the two hours, it stops going off. 1
Leigh 87 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I am a chronic insomniac. I actually take great comfort in having my partner in bed, asleep; I know I can go in a hug him any time I want. It helps me to sleep, having him in bed. My partner gets up EARLY for work, say 5.30 ish.. and I sleep in until 9. He gets annoyed that he has to get up, while I get to sleep in; it is not natural for him to get up so early and he hates it. He goes to bed ealier than I would like to, but he needs me to hug him at first, when he falls asleep.. so, I lay there half an hour, and sometimes slip away and go online or read. 1
ASG Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I usually have no trouble getting to sleep, but I don't sleep well with others. It either takes me a long time to fall asleep or I keep waking up during the night. It tends to get better with practice though. My ex had kinda the same attitude as ES'.. He wanted to get up early and DO STUFF. Not that he didn't enjoy sleeping in, he did, but he had this obsession with being productive, which I really don't. If I can stay in bed, I will! It caused a lot of problems in our relationship.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I usually have no trouble getting to sleep, but I don't sleep well with others. It either takes me a long time to fall asleep or I keep waking up during the night. It tends to get better with practice though. My ex had kinda the same attitude as ES'.. He wanted to get up early and DO STUFF. Not that he didn't enjoy sleeping in, he did, but he had this obsession with being productive, which I really don't. If I can stay in bed, I will! It caused a lot of problems in our relationship. I remember one weekend we stayed in bed till about 2pm. We slept and cuddled and talked. It was the best time for me. He later went on and on about what a waste of Saturday that was I would seriously consider sleep compatibility in my next R. Or at least someone who won't be pissed off if I slept in. My ex's justification was that I would make a poor mother because I like to sleep in. He constantly went on about these hypothetical scenarios where our future kids will be running around screaming and I would ignore them and sleep. WTF I just told him, of course it will be different then but now that I CAN sleep in, why not enjoy it? He would say that I need to "practice" getting up early now - and we planned to have kids 5 years down the line His skewed logic and inflexibility drove me crazy. I giggle at it now because my kitten wakes me up at least twice per night and I have no problem getting up and cuddling/feeding him.
Emilia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I wake up early at weekends too but I LOOOOOVE an afternoon nap to make up for it I don't worry about sleep compatibility the slightest. Some men I know sleep more than I do, others don't. Usually morning sex wakes them up though If he is a serious R he has a key for my flat anyway in which case he can come and go when he wants and text me later when he is up or if he wants to join me for a coffee or lunch or whatever. I might get through the morning papers by then at least without interruption
DuchessKaye Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I don't spend too much time sleeping. I usually wake up 5AM no matter how late I sleep at night. I'm okay if my partner wants to sleep in as long as he doesn't snore. I was fairly compatible with all of my exes when it comes to sleeping (same sleeping time, mutual body movements) except the last one who had a very high body temperature, he always felt the need to keep the air-con on while I was almost freezing in cold cause my body temperature was normally low.
louise_23 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 any relationship i end up in, i will never share a bed to sleep in again. ever. my ex put on 3 stone when we moved in together, which made him snore so loud it vibrated through the damn mattress so even earplugs didnt help. and even when he wasnt overweight he used to do that ridiculous just drifting off to sleep and then JUMP thing about 20 times a night. you know the one, where you're asleep and someone physically rocks the entire bed or shouts out because they dreamt something ridiculous. and then getting up for work at different times, and so on... i think sleeping situations wear people down and break up relationships. same thing happened to my folks. you end up so sleep deprived you start to hate the person keeping you awake.
runner Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 do you guys play with your partners whilst they're still asleep ? ...don't lie
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 any relationship i end up in, i will never share a bed to sleep in again. ever. I would not feel close to my partner if we didn't share a bed...
DuchessKaye Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 do you guys play with your partners whilst they're still asleep ? ...don't lie :love::love: 1
Emilia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 do you guys play with your partners whilst they're still asleep ? ...don't lie Hell yeah! I can feel him up several times until he starts complaining in his sleep 1
Chocolat Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I used to be "good at sleep" but now I have a hard time staying asleep and, sometimes, even getting to sleep. I can't sleep through snoring or even loud breathing. I'm honestly not sure I could share a bed with someone on a regular basis (i.e., at times when I actually need to get some sleep as opposed to times when I can sleep/play).
BetheButterfly Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Here's a topic I don't think I've ever seen discussed on LS, yet it has been something that has always bothered me in my own relationships... How "sleep compatible" are you with people you've dated or are dating? Are you both "good at sleep," i.e., do you generally fall asleep easily? Or do you or your partner have trouble sleeping? I can fall asleep very easily and can sleep through practically anything. Everyone I've ever dated has always had sleep issues, so I've always felt bad that I could sleep so easily, while they'd have trouble...and sometimes I feel like my being there keeps them up or wakes them up... Additionally, I love sleeping in, and of course, every girl I've dated doesn't...so they are almost always awake sometimes hours before me and go off to do their own thing, leaving me to sleep...and I'm sure that bothers them...which in turn bothers me... So how much do you value sleep compatibility? And have you been lucky in your life to be in relationships where your sleep habits and patterns matched your partner's? If they didn't, what did you do? My husband falls asleep and wakes up easily. I struggle with insomnia, which annoys me. I'm also a late owl which probably doesn't help. We both like to get up early on weekdays and sleep late on weekends. If I have had a hard time sleeping however, I like taking naps. My husband doesn't "do" naps unless he's sick.
Els Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 How "sleep compatible" are you with people you've dated or are dating? Are you both "good at sleep," i.e., do you generally fall asleep easily? Or do you or your partner have trouble sleeping? Polar opposites. He could sleep through a war and I literally can't sleep through a dorm. Trust me, though, that's way better than both partners being very fussy about sleep... At least one can give in if one is able to sleep easier. Additionally, I love sleeping in, and of course, every girl I've dated doesn't...so they are almost always awake sometimes hours before me and go off to do their own thing, leaving me to sleep...and I'm sure that bothers them...which in turn bothers me... Why are you 'sure' that bothers them?? Have they all said that? I do that a lot with my bf. It doesn't bother me at all. We all need time alone and I don't see what's wrong with me doing my own stuff while he's sleeping. He's asleep as I type this. No biggie. So how much do you value sleep compatibility? And have you been lucky in your life to be in relationships where your sleep habits and patterns matched your partner's? If they didn't, what did you do? As long as he is understanding about my sleep needs and willing to accommodate my quirks in that area, and we make a point of getting sufficient intimacy (sex at other times, lying down with him even though I don't intend on sleeping right away, etc) we don't need to match habit-wise or time-wise.
monkey00 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm a pretty light sleeper and sometimes an insomniac and usually need to take up the whole bed to sleep good at night. Sleeping with a SO, I'd need at least a queen bed. Every girl I've been with slept like a baby though...lucky them.
zengirl Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 It doesn't bother me that Hubby likes to sleep in and I get up early! In fact, I love it. That's where I get my "me time" on the weekends. Not that I don't love hanging out with Hubby - I do - but sometimes I just wanna play a video game or chill out with a book or even just sit quietly on the porch alone. Granted, I could ask for that time whenever I wanted, and he'd be fine with it -- he needs some alone time too sometimes to do as he pleases -- but early mornings is just such a great time for that and it works out beautifully. Hubby doesn't sleep super heavily, so I have to be quiet, but I'm pretty quiet naturally and we have nice wireless headphones that we wear when one is up and playing a game/watching TV and the other is asleep (he wears them a lot on late nights if I'm sleeping), and honestly I love wearing those for gaming anyway, as the surround sound is better. As to the rest: I can sleep through almost anything, almost all the time. The exception being when I'm really stressed and everything wakes me up and I get insomnia. This is rare, but happens. Hubby is fairly middle ground - he struggles with sleep a bit, but he never has full-blown insomnia, and mostly sleeps fairly well. I've dated men who slept like rocks and men who hardly slept -- mostly the guys I've dated stayed up later than me a lot of times, and I got up earlier. It was not really a problem though, as long as we could have sex before I got tired - but I like an early evening or afternoon romp or a morning romp on the weekends or whatever. The only issues with sleep compatibility I could imagine being a problem were if a partner kept you up (snoring, etc) or temperature issues, etc. I will say I don't like snuggling all night - when guys wanted to spoon all night, that was a bit of an incompatibility.
veggirl Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 My BF and I generally go to bed / wake up at the same time, but he is a much more sound sleeper than I am. I am a super light sleeper. Sadly, he snores. But, now I have ear plugs His snoring is the only thing I don't like about sleeping with him, but the ear plugs work so it's all good now.
thatone Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 do you guys play with your partners whilst they're still asleep ? ...don't lie my gf does it to me in her sleep! first time she did it i thought she had woken up, but realized after that she was doing it while sleeping. if i roll over and put my arm over her she grabs my hand and shoves it between her boobs, and grabs my penis with her other hand. it's pretty repeatable, i can usually roll over and wait a few minutes then roll back over and she'll do it again all without waking up.
tman666 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I think sleep compatibility is definitely NOT something to be overlooked. It's extremely important that both people are able to get enough sleep. I have a co-worker who has mentioned to me, on multiple occasions, that her and her husband's vastly differing sleep schedules have led to creating and exacerbating problems in their marriage. When I first started dating my fiance, it took us both a while to get used to having someone else sleeping in the bed. For a while, when we spent the night with each other, neither of us slept very well. Nowadays, it's the exact opposite in that both of us sleep sort of crappy if the other isn't in the bed.
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