USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Just curious... Hopefully we can all agree that for the most part, first impressions of attraction are made almost entirely on physical attributes. Like I always say, looks get you in the door while personality keeps you in the house. So what's wrong with simply cold approaching with something like: "hi, I think you're attractive and would like to take you out." Let's be honest, the only reason you're interested is that you think he/she is physically attractive. Is that too direct...? Too honest...? Perhaps objectifying...? Is that "approach" even acceptable? If someone approached you with that, would you be turned off by it? And if so, why? Is honesty in this case trumped by what is perceived to be social "tact"...? 1
Leigh 87 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I wouldn't mind. They think I am attractive enough to be with sexually, and want to see if I am also a good life partner. I would not get offended? It is just being honest. What have you got to lose? You could end up with a friend, where you both introduce one another to your hot, single friends:). If they end up being sh*tty people, so be it. It only took one date to find out. It all starts with looks, though. Your right. You run into people in your work, that are not attractive, but who you might fall for by just spending a lot of time with them for your job. Or in school while you study. Even then you still need to be attracted; just not blown away enough to want to get to know them souly based on their looks. Otherwise, you do not go out of your weigh to initiate anything, without knowing a person well, unless you think they are attractive enough to WANT to get to know. ..... Your great sense of humour, intellect, and all your values, hobbies and interests, are not on display, but your looks are. So you pick people based on their looks, and see if their a good match.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Well, the only reason I ask is that you see and hear it all the time, oh she seems like a cool girl, I'd like to get to know her better...when he really means, she's hot, I want to bang her... We often want to get to know a person's personality only because he or she is attractive...so why beat around the bush...?
johan Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 So what's wrong with simply cold approaching with something like: "hi, I think you're attractive and would like to take you out." Let's be honest, the only reason you're interested is that you think he/she is physically attractive. Is that too direct...? Too honest...? It's actually not that honest. If you feel the need to resort to the blunt, truly honest approach, you would say, "hi, I can't think of anything charming to say to you, because you intimidate me, because I find you attractive. Would you let me off the hook and just say you'll go out with me? I'll work on having a personality later. Promise." The fact that you approach her at all says, "hi, I think you're attractive and would like to take you out." So that doesn't need to be said at all. The simple, easy approach is just, "hi". And then let the rest happen organically. Or not. 2
Leigh 87 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well, the only reason I ask is that you see and hear it all the time, oh she seems like a cool girl, I'd like to get to know her better...when he really means, she's hot, I want to bang her... We often want to get to know a person's personality only because he or she is attractive...so why beat around the bush...? Ideally, it would be more like that movie where no one lies ( Jenifer garner, Ricky Gervas whatever his name is) where every one speaks the truth. It would be far more efficient. I would be flattered if a guy came up and said I was attractive. That is how it works - you think a girl is attractive, so you ask her out. And then get to know her. I do not know anyone who would be offended if a guy told them they were attractive, and wanted to go out with them. Only people with a lot of spare time and energy would say sh*t like " gee, you don;t even know me, all you care about is looks, wa wa wa" You know..... it is obvious in life that, you meet a girl, find them to be attractive, and ask them out in order to get to know them better.
monkey00 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well, the only reason I ask is that you see and hear it all the time, oh she seems like a cool girl, I'd like to get to know her better...when he really means, she's hot, I want to bang her... We often want to get to know a person's personality only because he or she is attractive...so why beat around the bush...? To humans attractiveness/good looks = good genes and healthy offspring. That's the evolutionary basis of it. Underneath it all and no matter how civilized and intellectual humans are, we underneath still have primitive/instinctual drives. Why talk about the obvious and be blunt? We're social animals and the smart ones will make conversation without bringing up looks. I think underneath we all crave to be liked by who we are and not for what we look like. What's your opinion OP?
florence of suburbia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I agree with Johan that by approaching with a warm smile and eye contact, a friendly or funny remark should get your intentions across without sounding mechanical and rehearsed.
Leigh 87 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 It's actually not that honest. If you feel the need to resort to the blunt, truly honest approach, you would say, "hi, I can't think of anything charming to say to you, because you intimidate me, because I find you attractive. Would you let me off the hook and just say you'll go out with me? I'll work on having a personality later. Promise." The fact that you approach her at all says, "hi, I think you're attractive and would like to take you out." So that doesn't need to be said at all. The simple, easy approach is just, "hi". And then let the rest happen organically. Or not. Of course it can happen organically, too. But what is the harm of ALSO picking people based on their looks? What is the harm in thinking a girl is attractive, and therefore wanting to see what sort of girl she is? Wouldn't it be ideal to pick a partner who you were very attracted to, and who was also a great partner? It does not mean the guy is too lazy to sit down and let it happen natually. Maybe he is busy. Maybe he does not want to waste time trying to be friends with a women, who is is attracted to and wants to go on a date with? I tend to not let people get to me, and I am very easy going, so for me, it does not matter at all if a guy askes me out in this way. Where as other girls may prefer it to just " flow naturally", without mention of looks.
january2011 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) Not enough preamble for me. If that was the first line, I'd be taken aback and not in a good way. I'd probably say something dismissive and try to get away as quickly as possible. Thinking back to the situations where a random encounter lead to "something" developing, both men spent at least a few hours with me before making their intentions known. One guy approached me in a coffee shop asking for directions - I then offered to take him to the place he was looking for as he wanted to travel on foot rather than take public transport. Another guy sat nearby during a coach trip and initiated a conversation about the location we were both visiting. Both situations allowed the guy to chat to me and build a connection. So while I agree that the guy needs to be direct/honest, I'd much prefer it if he spent some time building rapport first. An opening line that immediately reveals his intent is a little too aggressive and is likely to be a turn off. Having said that, I think that some women appreciate a direct approach and see the rapport building as a waste of time. Horses for courses. That's why sometimes, it really is a cr*p shoot. Edited July 10, 2012 by january2011 1
monkey00 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 There are much more clever ice-breakers than commenting on someone's looks. Focusing on looks as an opening just comes of too shallow in most cases. You'll probably have better luck commenting on what someone is wearing than their face
florence of suburbia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Repeat after me: Women are just people. Women are just people. Women are just people. Women are just people. Women are just...you get the idea.
jobaba Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Just curious... Hopefully we can all agree that for the most part, first impressions of attraction are made almost entirely on physical attributes. Like I always say, looks get you in the door while personality keeps you in the house. So what's wrong with simply cold approaching with something like: "hi, I think you're attractive and would like to take you out." Let's be honest, the only reason you're interested is that you think he/she is physically attractive. Is that too direct...? Too honest...? Perhaps objectifying...? Is that "approach" even acceptable? If someone approached you with that, would you be turned off by it? And if so, why? Is honesty in this case trumped by what is perceived to be social "tact"...? The problem with your 'approach' is two-fold... 1) Women don't want to feel like they are pieces of meat, which is somewhat ironic because mostly all women need physical attraction to like a guy. Regardless, most women get hit on by men and some of those feel they are too dignified to hop in the sack with the first hot guy that says, "You're hot, let's screw." But some will. 2) You have to be a very good looking guy to pull this off. Average won't cut it here. Like even my better looking guy friends aren't good looking enough to pull this off. But I do know some guys (through work and other means) who can pull this off. And they don't have to say much more than what you mentioned to get women. If a woman doesn't come up to them first, and offer herself up in pretty much that same manner. Seen this happen last year. One of the guys I'm thinking of was talking to 2 different women at the bar on St. Paddys day all night. A third different woman he didn't even say a word to came up and said, "You're cute. Let's make out" They did. "Take me home" He did. Yep. It's THAT easy for some guys.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 It's actually not that honest. If you feel the need to resort to the blunt, truly honest approach, you would say, "hi, I can't think of anything charming to say to you, because you intimidate me, because I find you attractive. Would you let me off the hook and just say you'll go out with me? I'll work on having a personality later. Promise." The fact that you approach her at all says, "hi, I think you're attractive and would like to take you out." So that doesn't need to be said at all. The simple, easy approach is just, "hi". And then let the rest happen organically. Or not. Hmmm, this is a fantastic point. So you're say physical attraction is implied simply by the approach? If so, can you also infer physical attraction from the approached if he/she responds? What if it's a strictly platonic approach? Should the approached automaticaly assume that the approacher is physically attracted...?
Lonely Ronin Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Wouldn't it be ideal to pick a partner who you were very attracted to, and who was also a great partner? Isn't this what everyone does? Personally, I've never gone out with someone I wasn't attracted to.
jobaba Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Hmmm, this is a fantastic point. So you're say physical attraction is implied simply by the approach? If so, can you also infer physical attraction from the approached if he/she responds? What if it's a strictly platonic approach? Should the approached automaticaly assume that the approacher is physically attracted...? Search some of my old threads. I beat this horse to death months ago suggesting that women be wide open with what they are attracted to or not. ...that they should answer if you ask off the bat, "Are you attracted to me?" ...or "Are you attracted to Asian guys?" They don't want to do that because it will make them appear shallow. And they will think you are a d@uche for being blunt even though you could be Prince Charming and shmooze them for 6 months and it wouldn't matter if you weren't physically attractive enough. You have to put in a little more work than that. Ask for her # and try and get her alone, and then make a move. Make your interest known early in the 'process' and women will let you know they are not attracted. Believe me.
Leigh 87 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Isn't this what everyone does? Personally, I've never gone out with someone I wasn't attracted to. And that is the OP'S point, I think? Although I suppose Johan is right, in that it is ASSUMED that if a gu askes you out, he finds you to be attractive. And it is ASSUMED that a guy will not ask you out on a date, if he is after friendship. I honestly do not see what is wrong with the cold approach. If a guy comes up to me, and asks me on a date, I will say yes if I am attracted to him. And I would assume he was attracted to me. You know. I am easy going. If a guy askes me out, on the basis of " I think your attractive, I want to take you out" I would just go along with him and get to know him. It is all in fun. Whether a guy did or did NOT make reference to me being attractive - it would not bother me. But if he did not mention I was attractive, I would assume he found me to be so, since he asked me on a date. I do not see any harm in telling a women she is attractive, and asking her out. The nice, easy going women would go along with it, if they also found you to be attractive enough. No need to be picky. Why not get to know the guy, if your attracted to him? So what if he calls you attractive? It is only flattering.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 It really depends where you are approaching. If it's at a bar/club it's totally fine. But if it's on the street, coffee shop or similar, I admit that I would be creeped out. Few times that it happened to me I wanted to run in other direction. My immediate thought was that a guy is some kind of pick up artist that cold approaches women all day long :/
Author USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 They don't want to do that because it will make them appear shallow. And they will think you are a d@uche for being blunt even though you could be Prince Charming and shmooze them for 6 months and it wouldn't matter if you weren't physically attractive enough. You have to put in a little more work than that. Ask for her # and try and get her alone, and then make a move. Make your interest known early in the 'process' and women will let you know they are not attracted. Believe me. Of course. I would never actually approach in the way that I described (hell, I don't even approach... ). I was just thinking out loud while I was at the gym, wondering why we p*ssyfoot around with physical attraction. I know attraction is not a simple matter, but I wondered if we unnecessarily complicated things...
Lonely Ronin Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I do not see any harm in telling a women she is attractive, and asking her out. The nice, easy going women would go along with it, if they also found you to be attractive enough. No need to be picky. Why not get to know the guy, if your attracted to him? So what if he calls you attractive? It is only flattering. Most of the women I know would find this to blunt/aggressive!
Affliction Shirt Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Always be honest. Unless you suck, in that case, lie until you get laid.
brecklove Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well, I dont think, being honest is wrong. Its good practice being honest in relationship, at least it gives peace of mind when we go to bed. Its my personal experience. when we lie , then we have to manage all the time.. isn't it?
thatone Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Just curious... Hopefully we can all agree that for the most part, first impressions of attraction are made almost entirely on physical attributes. Like I always say, looks get you in the door while personality keeps you in the house. So what's wrong with simply cold approaching with something like: "hi, I think you're attractive and would like to take you out." Let's be honest, the only reason you're interested is that you think he/she is physically attractive. Is that too direct...? Too honest...? Perhaps objectifying...? Is that "approach" even acceptable? If someone approached you with that, would you be turned off by it? And if so, why? Is honesty in this case trumped by what is perceived to be social "tact"...? why shop for pants at a shoe store? if you want to get laid, then approach like you want to get laid. if you want a relationship approach like you want a relationship. being dishonest leads to nothing but hurt feelings and tears later on. being honest from the get go, well, you can sleep like a stone with a clear conscience.
Bristolius Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Why did you put quotes around the word honest in the thread title? Are you a lawyer or something.
zengirl Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Just curious... Hopefully we can all agree that for the most part, first impressions of attraction are made almost entirely on physical attributes. Like I always say, looks get you in the door while personality keeps you in the house. I would say a cold approach is generally based primarily on physical attractiveness, though occasionally it can be a mix of physical attractiveness and some other feature or vibe. I think we do have to keep in mind that not all approaches are cold approaches. Many people will NEVER feel compelled to approach someone 'cold' --- honestly, I know men like this, who aren't afraid per se. They just don't have enough interest in someone based on her hotness to approach her. They need SOMETHING else to hook them -- some clue of potential compatibility. A lot of times people who commonly gather in the same place (I go to the same hipster-ish beer bar every week for instance - it's loads of people I've seen around) will approach each other based on some common ground besides JUST looks. Though one takes that 'looks good' is a given for anything to start. So what's wrong with simply cold approaching with something like: "hi, I think you're attractive and would like to take you out." Let's be honest, the only reason you're interested is that you think he/she is physically attractive. Is that too direct...? Too honest...? Perhaps objectifying...? Nothing 'wrong' with it, but it may not work. Probably won't. I don't think anyone minds that someone finds her (or him) attractive and approaching for any kind of date suggests that box is basically checked off - as johan says. Some people, myself included, do think that's a poor reason to ask someone out and would prefer a guy require a bit MORE from women in order to get to that stage. Not a poor reason to come over and talk to me, maybe, but a poor reason to say, "Yes, I'll commit to a dinner with her" because he hasn't even had a conversation with me yet! And I'd never commit to spending time with someone based on hotness alone. However, there are people who WILL commit to spending time with someone based on mutual physical attraction alone. And even as someone who won't, I don't see anything wrong with someone walking right up to me, revealing this about themselves, and proving to be incompatible with me. I'd be happy for the information! Is that "approach" even acceptable? If someone approached you with that, would you be turned off by it? And if so, why? Is honesty in this case trumped by what is perceived to be social "tact"...? For me, it's not just social tact. It's the obviously low and superficial-only standards, lack of personality or effort, lack of screening, and differentiation in goals and practices. I literally would be baffled as to why I'm worth someone's time just because I'm pretty, unless he's looking for something casual, which I never was. In either case, it's not that the guy is 'wrong' or lacking in social tact -- it's just that he's incompatible with me.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Why did you put quotes around the word honest in the thread title? Are you a lawyer or something. Yes. -------
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