running_away Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) Hi guys, This is such a great place to bring all this, so thanks in advance for reading, you are all amazing people. My ex and I moved in together after dating for two years last summer, but it didn't work for a lot of reasons. I was insanely unhappy having moved across the country for him, away from my family and friends and he couldn't be supportive of the difficulty I had living with his 4 year old son. We had so much trouble communicating and I gave up a lot to move there, including my dream of traveling around the world after finishing my degree because we wanted to give it a real shot. So many other things too, too many to say all in one place. We barely talked by the end, about anything. He broke up with me in November because I decided I needed to do my trip, we were both so unhappy and both knew it. The break up was awful, so awful, he said some seriously nasty things that I'll never forget, but I felt like it really was over and I moved back home and started trying to move on with my life. He started calling me after a few weeks saying he missed me, wanted to try again, that he was sorry for being so hasty, that it was a mistake and he didn't really think I would actually leave but I was still so angry and hurt and just fed up with all the drama that came from all of it that I kept saying no. But I couldn't stop answering the phone when he called because I knew he was hurting so much and I wanted to be there for him. I didn't want him to be alone with all the pain. We talked about getting back together for months, though I wasn't sure I wanted to and he knew it. I just couldn't stand hearing how hurt he was, I'd never heard him cry before and it was torture. This went on for months till the end of May when I finally said no, I don't want to get back together and asked him to stop calling. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, and it broke my heart hanging up the phone, because as much as I knew it wasn't healthy for me to be with him anymore, I still love him and probably always will. He hasn't stopped contacting me though. I don't answer the phone, or the texts, but each one shoves a knife through my heart and all the pain and anguish I feel over hurting him comes roaring back every time I see his name on the screen. I just want it to stop, I need so badly for him to stop calling me. I need him to let me go so I can get over all of this. I can't keep feeling like I've ruined his life. So my question to everyone here is, how do I let him hurt? How do I deal with knowing how much pain he's in and that it's all my fault? I know he doesn't have anyone to talk to, his family has never been a place he can take his problems. I want to help him, I want to take away his hurt but I know I can't. I know too well what it's like to be alone with so much pain and I can't bear knowing that's what he's going through. So how do I stop feeling like the most horrible person in the world over this? Edited July 10, 2012 by running_away
rAFC Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 You can contact your phone company and have his number blocked. Most even let you do it yourself through their webpage. Otherwise, it might be a good idea to have your number changed. You know that this is an unhealthy relationship and he continues to disrespect you by ignoring your wishes for no contact. Take the steps necessary to move on with your life.
Follower Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well first of all its good you realized it was a negative cycle and have broken it, not an easy call to make. Communication breakdowns are never a good thing, and i think they lead to some of the most painfull breakups of all. The place you need to get to in your mind is that he is no longer your responsibility. If you are 100% certain that this is for good and that you want NO part of his life then you need to apprechiate that he is not your problem anymore. Relationships are like drugs, ending them is like halting an addiction, its hard, really really hard. Most people in order to stop have to go cold turkey and its a choice they have to make for themselves the worst mistake you can make is thinking your helping him by forcing him to go cold turkey. Allow him to make that choice himself. You need to go NC for you and you only, this is the mindset you need, your cutting contact so you can heal it has nothing to do with him and for all intensive purposes never will. Your not doing him ANY harm by ignoring him and letting him start to cope. Every time you enable him you will make it worse, this should be an incentive to let him be. I hope that helps i know its not great advice but its my 2 cent
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