Ohmylife Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 ok so i have been friends with this guy, lets call him X, for about 5 years now. he was the roommate of a guy i was casually seeing and we quickly became very close friends. he is JUST like me in every way possible- we get along very well, always have. He never has really had a girlfriend the whole time i have known him- and i was always in serious relationships, but he would always hang around with me and whatever guy i was seeing at the time. we talked about dating each other a few times but didnt want to ruin our friendship because it was so awesome. so then X goes and gets a girlfriend. and i got EXTREMELY jealous. needless to say all the pent up feelings came out and we both decided we would try being together. it was wonderful- for about 3 weeks and then he left on deployment for over 6 months. it was awful and i missed him dearly. after a few months i started getting those "just friend' thoughts in my head because we had only been together romantically for a short time. so about a month before he came home, i got drunk and hooked up with someone else- and totally fell for him. when X came home i didnt know what to do. i felt awful and i told him the truth- that i had fallen for someone else. he was devastated of course, and we completely stopped talking. months later i ended up pregnant and married with the guy i had cheated with. I thought about X the whole time i was with my husband and deeply regretted what i had done- i knew i had made the wrong decision. the marriage quickly went sour and now we are divorced. and SURPRISE! X is back in my life, has forgiven me, and within two days of seeing eachother we hooked up again- it was like we were never apart. all the feelings came flooding back and i realized i had never fallen out of love with him. X on the other hand is quite confused. One, he feels awkward about my baby, who is 9 months. second, he has trust issues, but why wouldnt he? So he keeps going back and forth yes i want to be with you, no i dont, yes i do, no i dont. lets just be friends, lets just be friends with benefits. So we have been hooking up. He knows how i feel, and he still feels the same but cant commit to me and needs time- which i completely understand. But he is SO wishy washy and honestly- my heart cant take it. i desperately want him in my life, even if it means just being friends, but how do you go back to just friends when you have hooked up and are still in love? i cant even be around the guy without wanting to rip his clothes off. But i want him to trust me, so if he says he just wants to be friends, i cant cross that line right? how do i get him to take me back? what can i do? its such a mess and i dont know what to do. advice? i should add that in all this time i feel like i have really learned a lot. i would never, ever hurt X again. i know i made a huge mistake and took him for granted. i feel lucky he has allowed me into his life again.
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