Badsingularity Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I've noticed more and more women nowadays are developing overly masculine personalities. This in turn can keep them single for much longer than they would like or even permanently. The sad thing is that they don't even know why this is happening. Most women are attracted to masculinity in men. (true masculinity, not the fake chest puffing kind.) Most women also find men that are overly feminine unattractive. The opposite is true for men. Most men are attracted to femininity in women. Most men also find women that are overly masculine unattractive. This is completely natural and makes men and women want to come together like hot wet magnets....but..the human race is currently in a very unnatural state and this is causing a lot of confusion between men and women. I've become very aware over the years that many men and women do not understand these differences between them and believe that whatever they find attractive themselves should also be attractive to the opposite sex. It's just not true. Ladies if you act as though you are over flowing with testosterone and are the alpha male gorilla of a group you are going to have a repulsive effect on most men. Even if you find that attractive in a man. Most men will not find that attractive in you. It is good for women to be confident, assertive, fun and outgoing. These things do not take away from their attractiveness, as long as they don't forget their femininity. When balanced correctly these things can make a woman super attractive and many women are able to do just that. 1
Negative Nancy Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 if men want women to be more feminine, they need to be more masculine, it's that simple. 4
pteromom Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I think each person should be who they really are, without worrying about how they come across to the opposite sex. I am just me. Sometimes, I am feminine. Sometimes, I may be masculine. Define me however you please, but I am just me. 6
january2011 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 What are your practical suggestions for women so that they, "don't forget their femininity?" What does "femininity" mean to you in reference to your OP?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Bad, it's not that I disagree with you that women are attracted to masculine men and men like feminine women or that I think this is bad at all. It's not. I love some of the difference between men and women and what makes us men and women and I do feel current culture is trying to be too PC and stamp out any gender differences in the name of "equality". But how about just advising women to be true to themselves even if this means that some men may be turned off by that? Hopefully, there will be some guys that will like that she is true to herself even if she isn't perfect. Sometimes it feels like women have to walk this tight rope of perfectness where we have to be independent enough so a man doesn't have to feel responsible for anyone else by himself while maintaining our inherent femininity. And I am not sure that's 100% of a fair request. The things that make me soft and feminine are sometimes the things that make me vulnerable. But if I have to maintain all these other qualities like assertiveness, independence, outgoingness and confidence while also maintaing stereotypical feminine qualities at the same time, that is a tall order. And that doesn't even get into how confidence, independence, outgoingness and all these other qualities can manifest themselves differently in women vs men. Speaking on stereotypical terms. Sometimes it seems to me that men want to date women that look hot but are actually more like themselves as men then they are as women. Such as the "cool" wife/girlfriend that supports his strip club trips or acts like one his buddies when the time calls for it but looks hot in a little bikkini and is ready to service him in the bedroom when he wants it. Or how much guys talk about liking independent women because this means a man doesn't have to responsible for the woman, or get too close to her, while he enjoys the benefits of her. Alot of things within feminity that don't have to do with how women look that men enjoy and benefit from sometimes seemd to get shunned by men instead of enjoyed. Sometimes guys even make fun of guys for being like a woman like it's an embarressment to be feminine. Women today have more pressure then ever. We have to be all things to all people. But we can't be. Sometimes we will be feminine and sometimes we won't. We aren't perfect or perfectly balanced. Not one human on this earth is perfectly balanced. And expecting women to walk that tight rope in the name of maintaining what men want women to be seems liek a lot of pressure. I would suggest that each man and woman be true to themselves and be open about themselves even when it's difficult. It's not something I always get right but it's a goal I try to maintain. The older I get the more I learn about what being true to me, means. Sometimes I please people with it and sometimes I don't. I also think that better advice would be to tell both men and women to appreciate who someone is for who they are. Not for who you may want them to be. Really look at them as a person and see them for who they are and find something good in that. That doesn't mean you like or get along with everyone or that you have to be attracted to every woman or man. It just means not making people the source of your own personal expectatations. 3
Author Badsingularity Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 What are your practical suggestions for women so that they, "don't forget their femininity?" What does "femininity" mean to you in reference to your OP? Sweetness, softness, kindness, being nurturing, being ok with being a little more emotional than men, being ok with being vulnerable in the right situations, letting good men take the lead every once in a while, not wanting to dominate everyone and everything around you. 1
Author Badsingularity Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 if men want women to be more feminine, they need to be more masculine, it's that simple. ...I agree.
january2011 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Sweetness, softness, kindness, being nurturing, being ok with being a little more emotional than men, being ok with being vulnerable in the right situations, letting good men take the lead every once in a while, not wanting to dominate everyone and everything around you. Thanks for the list, Badsingularity. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Sweetness, softness, kindness, being nurturing, being ok with being a little more emotional than men, being ok with being vulnerable in the right situations, letting good men take the lead every once in a while, not wanting to dominate everyone and everything around you. Being vulnerable is a great thing. However, I don't think a man should expect a woman to be vulnerable off the bat simply because of her femininity alone. If a man wants a woman to be soft and vulnerable, the he needs to create the environment of trust for her to express that. And that could take time. Both men and women learn to hold back parts of themselves out of fear of rejection. It takes time and oppurtunity to open those doors again. It's unfair to ask women to simply be soft and vulnerable because men like it for it's feminity. It's not wrong or anything for men to desires soft and vulnerable women but there is responsiblity on the masculine end to protect that and not take advantage of it when women do act in soft and vulnerable ways. Unfortunetly, there isn't a woman (or man) alive that hasn't experienced a time when they made themselve vulnerable and they were hurt for it. So space and time is need to create those places where vulnerability can be expressed. As I get older, I get better at expressing my vulnerablity but it's not an easy thing at all and I am far from the place I would like to be concerning that. 3
Author Badsingularity Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 DY. There is nothing wrong with someone being true to themselves even if strays a little from the norm. I also agree with you that our society today is creating alot of the problems between men and women. As far as how hard it is to be a good woman? I understand. It is the same way trying to be a good man. It's a constant balancing act, like walking a tight rope. 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 For sure Bad. I know it's hard for men too. But since your post addressed women, that's kind of what I focused on too. But I have no doubts in my head that it isn't hard for men to be good men. But when a man is a good man? Aww..it's one of the most wonderful and beautiful things in the world. 1
sid3 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 For sure Bad. I know it's hard for men too. But since your post addressed women, that's kind of what I focused on too. But I have no doubts in my head that it isn't hard for men to be good men. But when a man is a good man? Aww..it's one of the most wonderful and beautiful things in the world. OMFG! Break out the international house of coffee. Just tell this male poster to send his balls straight away. Wow, one of the most beautiful things in the world to you is gender specific? Please,go watch some fricking porn and get over yourself. You know, there are sons out there that most daughters can't hold a candle to. Life would be sweeter if you weren't so bitter. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 OMFG! Break out the international house of coffee. Just tell this male poster to send his balls straight away. Wow, one of the most beautiful things in the world to you is gender specific? Please,go watch some fricking porn and get over yourself. You know, there are sons out there that most daughters can't hold a candle to. Life would be sweeter if you weren't so bitter. When I've seen a truly good man, yes, it is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me. Same goes for a truly good woman. Good people are simply beautiful for their goodness. I like the word "good". I don't like simply "nice" people, "pleasant" people, I like good people. It's a tough thing to be in this world. I'm baffled by what your angry about and what daughter's not holding candles to sons has to do with this discussion. 1
aRealMan Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Where are these "confident", "assertive", "fun", and "outgoing" women that you speak of? On planet earth, whenever life is too much for them, the general plan is to fold like a lawnchair and cry "gender roles" until men come by and save the day.
sid3 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 When I've seen a truly good man, yes, it is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me. Same goes for a truly good woman. Good people are simply beautiful for their goodness. I like the word "good". I don't like simply "nice" people, "pleasant" people, I like good people. It's a tough thing to be in this world. I'm baffled by what your angry about and what daughter's not holding candles to sons has to do with this discussion. I'm not angry about anything. Just pointing out your biased statement. Putting aside all of the gender bashing of late on LS, from what I've seen in my life, there aren't any more"good"females in this world than there are males. Walk through your local cancer ward to see, its an even balance of caregivers and supportive family members. In what matters the most in life, gender plays absolutely no role. Character is all that matters. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm not angry about anything. Just pointing out your biased statement. Putting aside all of the gender bashing of late on LS, from what I've seen in my life, there aren't any more"good"females in this world than there are males. Walk through your local cancer ward to see, its an even balance of caregivers and supportive family members. In what matters the most in life, gender plays absolutely no role. Character is all that matters. Okay, my mistake on that part. I was picking up anger but i stand corrected. Just as I am understanding that you aren't angry, I hope you can understand that I am not bitter. At least about this! But I don't see how my statement is biased. I didn't say there were more good women out there then good men. All I said is that seeing a good man in action is beautiful and inspiring to me. It makes me want to be a better woman! And I am sure that the affect is the same on men when it comes to women. 1
sid3 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Okay, my mistake on that part. I was picking up anger but i stand corrected. Just as I am understanding that you aren't angry, I hope you can understand that I am not bitter. At least about this! But I don't see how my statement is biased. I didn't say there were more good women out there then good men. All I said is that seeing a good man in action is beautiful and inspiring to me. It makes me want to be a better woman! And I am sure that the affect is the same on men when it comes to women. Fair enough. Let's just agree the world would be a better place with more "good" men and women in it. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 What a lot of women have forgotten how to do is let a man please them, then show their appreciation for what he's done. Call me old school, but I think this is the foundation of love between a man and a woman. 1
Emilia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Sweetness, softness, kindness, being nurturing, Why should these be feminine traits? What would the woman get in return for providing these services? The opposite? being ok with being a little more emotional than men, Erm, no thanks. I prefer to be seen as a person with my individual character traits, not as some emotional wreck just because I was born with a vagina. I am rational and sensible. It is also what I expect from a partner, I don't like overtly emotional men. being ok with being vulnerable in the right situations, letting good men take the lead every once in a while, not wanting to dominate everyone and everything around you. The same should be expected from men, non? So far what you have described are traits that both sexes possess. I presume you are advocating the 'strong silent' type for a male stereotype that a lot of men have fought hard against over the last couple of generations? I like assertive men because I am assertive myself and I want an equal. My sister is softer and her boyfriend is also a softer male because they are better suited to each other that way. All this gender stereotyping is very old fashioned. People should be allowed to be who they want to be, we are not in Victorian England 3
Emilia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 What a lot of women have forgotten how to do is let a man please them, then show their appreciation for what he's done. Call me old school, but I think this is the foundation of love between a man and a woman. I think it should be mutual, especially the appreciation part. Nothing is feminine about that, it's a good social skill 2
Author Badsingularity Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Why should these be feminine traits? What would the woman get in return for providing these services? The opposite? Erm, no thanks. I prefer to be seen as a person with my individual character traits, not as some emotional wreck just because I was born with a vagina. I am rational and sensible. It is also what I expect from a partner, I don't like overtly emotional men. The same should be expected from men, non? So far what you have described are traits that both sexes possess. I presume you are advocating the 'strong silent' type for a male stereotype that a lot of men have fought hard against over the last couple of generations? I like assertive men because I am assertive myself and I want an equal. My sister is softer and her boyfriend is also a softer male because they are better suited to each other that way. All this gender stereotyping is very old fashioned. People should be allowed to be who they want to be, we are not in Victorian England Who said anything about being an emotional wreck? Of course you don't like overly emotional men. I already said that was the case for most women. So it is okay for you to like assertive men, but not for men to like feminine traits in women? Gender stereotyping? You are aware that there are physical differences between men and women? Men and women have vastly different levels of hormones running through their bodies that causes natural differences in behaviors. Our society today is trying to teach us that there are no differences between us when there most definitely are. These differences are totally natural and when embraced instead of railed against create some of the most natural happy bonds between men and women. The most happy couples you will ever come across are those of people that understand the differences between men and women and embrace these differences instead of fighting against them in the name of equality between the two OPPOSITE sexes.
threebyfate Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 The most happy couples you will ever come across are those of people that understand the differences between men and women and embrace these differences instead of fighting against them in the name of equality between the two OPPOSITE sexes.As if equality must always be a battle. It doesn't. Men who are man enough, have absolutely no issues with women being themselves. They have no need to dictate how a woman should act. 1
Author Badsingularity Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 As if equality must always be a battle. It doesn't. Men who are man enough, have absolutely no issues with women being themselves. They have no need to dictate how a woman should act. Who is dictating how a woman should be? I am just letting women know that most men find feminine traits in a woman attractive and there is nothing wrong with that. It would definitely help the minority of women out there who have developed very hard personalities to soften up a little and be a little more feminine if they are having a hard time attracting a man.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Good thread. To give it some context, here's a list of some of the masculine traits/behaviors that women have adopted in the past couple of decades and that greatly reduce their attractiveness as mates: 1) Swearing and using foul language; 2) Engaging in rowdy partying and drunken excess; 3) Being ultra-competitive; 4) Snubbing traditional household duties like cooking, cleaning the house, etc.; 5) Being super-extraverted (social butterflies/serial flirts may be fun to hang out with but nobody wants one as a wife); 6) Putting career and education ahead of family. 1
Author Badsingularity Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Good thread. To give it some context, here's a list of some of the masculine traits/behaviors that women have adopted in the past couple of decades and that greatly reduce their attractiveness as mates: 1) Swearing and using foul language; 2) Engaging in rowdy partying and drunken excess; 3) Being ultra-competitive; 4) Snubbing traditional household duties like cooking, cleaning the house, etc.; 5) Being super-extraverted (social butterflies/serial flirts may be fun to hang out with but nobody wants one as a wife); 6) Putting career and education ahead of family. Can't really say I agree with all that, but I partially agree with two or three.
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