blbk28 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I discovered last week that my boyfriend of two years has been "texting" a girl he met at work since late January. I found an open email, on my laptop, while we were watching Euro cup. He told me they met at work.. the she found him on facebook ( which I remember when they became friends- but didnt want to be "paranoid" and never said anything).. then she texted him and an initially innocent "friendship" ensued. Obviously, it is inappropriate to even entertain such a relationship and he completely admitted and apologized over and over.. I looked at the text thread and it was seemingly "innocent" no obvious flirting- but there were opportunities to bring me up- our trip to Michigan- he said he went with "just a bunch of friends"- and things like that. He immediately texted her and told her that they could no longer have communication. That his gf is upset and it is inapporpriate. She texted back "So you lied.. you guys are getting back together. Well, she has a right to be mad." This fueled more digging. Turns out, he told her we broke up in April, (which we did for one week. After that week he began contacting me over and over- repeatedly professing his love and committment- we reconciled and got back together) he told her we were working things out, but then whe told her he lied to her that we were working things out- to make it easier because she was going back to MI. She was in town for school. He did admit that they "kissed" once night in the week that we had broken up. Ok.. to make a long story slightly shorter... I ended up messageing this girl on facebook to get answers. I honestly was considering working it out if it had just been stupid texting. She messaged me back that not only had they slept together, but the first time was a week before we had broken up- on Holy Thursday ironically. She said she remembers every time they slept together becasue he took her virginity... that he took off her chastity ring and wore it the first time they had sex... That the last time they slept together was May 11th. Now May 10th my son and I met him and his brother's family out for dinner to celebrate his graduation for his Rn program. My son and I left at 930.. he said he was meeting up with his friend for drinks. She said he picked her up and they went out together- that she ended up crashing at his place- and they had sex the morning of the 11th... Which so happens to be my birthday. May 12th we had his graduation party- which I planned with his brothers girlfriend. He so denies everything fiercely .. to the point that I was questioning if this girl.. Then I asked her if she could give me any sexual details that woud give me more definitive proof. She couldnt at first- then she said "oh my.. when we would use condoms- which we didnt always- he would take it off and say 'Thats a lot of babies'" ... He has said this stupid catch phrase at least 10xs after sex. His justification? " Maybe she heard it on porn... Maybe she had sex with someone else.. llucky guess." There were SO MANY hurtful, devastating details that she divulged to me. I just am so dumbfounded at his persistant denial. He messaged her DAD on facebook and told him that his daughter is spreading lies.. told me he's going to get phone records.. tried to set up a three way call.. over and over told me how much he loves me and how we could get through "this" Two days ago I told him I dont want to play the games anymore and ended it. He showed up at my door and would not leave until I called my mom ( just to have a 3rd party witness) She called the police.. but they came after he left. Obviously all betrayals are shocking and devastating.. but what is with his persistance in that he is telling the truth- even when his "truth" is completely not logical? I am so so very hurt- I just NEVER thought he was capable of such lies- the massive extent- PLease give me feedback. Im tapped out in talking about it with family. I only told my loved ones on Friday- after 5 days of trying to get t the truth. Do I just never talk to him again? Im just sickened.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Yes, just never talk to him again. He's lied so much it sound like he believes it. I had a friend like this in high school/early 20s. She would lie so adamantly and determinedly that it would make you question yourself. It turned out she was faking having cancer even and had even won an award for battling cancer, volunteering and doing well with her studies! My husband while caught denied everything hook line and sinker until each accusation could be proven. Good thing the girl was so co-operative! some people are just like this guy are and there isn't much that can be done about it. In a few years, you'll look back and sigh with relief that you aren't with mr. Honesty and that you had the strength and smarts to walk away. And no, no one uses that lame line! That was no "lucky" guess!
Author blbk28 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 It's all so disgusting. I met him months after I finalized my divorce. I was married for 7 years.. I told him from the beginning I wasnt sure if I was ready for a relationship.. but we always had such great times together and conversation, etc.. I just sort of went with it... and gradually became more and more invested. So frustrating when you have so many signs smacking you in the face and refuse to listen.. keep making excuses for irresponsible, shady people.
Author blbk28 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 oh.. by the way... Thanks Dreamingoftigers.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I know it stinks. Someone on here had it in their signature, something along the lines of: Make sure your Knight In Shining Armour isn't a Dork in Tin Foil. Plus, seriously DON'T get involved with anyone while you are still wounded. It's kind of like being near a refrigerator around 10 pm on a late night. You weren't going to have that other slice of cake but....it's here......it's tempting..... It can't be all that bad. 10 lbs and a bad habit later!
venusianx13 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm so sorry you went through this... I have been there and please know that it does get easier, but do yourself a favor and make a clean cut, cold turkey. I have been in a similar situation that lasted 5 years...it was maddening. I eventually came to find out that he was a perpetual liar. Only when I found undeniable proof of things would he finally admit...but prior to that, I was a crazy mess. He demanded my trust but I had more than just an intuition about his lies. I read once: "Crazy people make other people crazy." Do yourself a favor and completely cut him off. I can tell you from experience that with a guy like this, you will never get answers. Give yourself the closure you need by seeing him for what he really is; a narcissist. Best to you. 2
Radu Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I moved to another place to make sure i'm not around the fridge at 10PM. You will never get 'yes' out of him because in his warped mind, there is still a chance if he doesn't say yes. It may even be that he himself doesn't see himself as guilty. Either way, look at yourself ... your need for him to admit it still leaves you in his power, he is still in your mind [there is no such thing as bad publicity ... it applies here too]. You need to let go of this need of yours, because only then will he stop having power over you.
Author blbk28 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I appreciate all of your responses. .. the "dork in tinfoil" remark is hilarious and seriously rings true. I know very well I need to clear my mind space of all this, and have no intention of pursuing or even looking for someone else in the near future. I knew I needed to do that two years ago when we met.. This time around, doing it right. One more situation I would love to hear suggestions on.. After I finally completely ended it with him on Friday morning.. he continued to text me- and call- and stop by (once- and I was not home) The only response I gave him was a text that told him there is nothing left to discuss, aside from how he is going to get his things from out of my garage.. See.. he moved at the end of May. He out of his apartment and into a house with some of his friends. Well, he doesnt pay rent there, and sleeps on a free couch- (I know I know- he's a real winner!... oh my.. its almost too embarrassing to type. ) Ugh.. Anyway, He has stored in my garage his whole bedroom set, bed, tv) Mind you.. this is the bed that is the scene of the crime. Its all so disgusting. I told him to text me when he makes arrangements for a Uhaul. Furthermore I told him I would not be here when he picks it up, and informed him that I already asked someone to oversee him when he does. I dont want this garbage in my garage. Anyway I could speed up the process? ..or do I just have to "mind over matter" it and wait? Ps.. After I told him he was not welcome, he still came over again late Friday after my son and I had gone to sleep.. He wouldnt leave so I called my mom.. and she called the police. That finally got him to go! He left before they arrived.. but he is a serious weirdo and Im not taking chances so I filed an incident report.
venusianx13 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Put his stuff out at the end of your driveway...tell him he has a time frame to come haul it away, or you will be trashing it or putting a "FREE" sign on it. If he indicates he is coming to take it, make sure you are either not home or have someone there with you for protection/witness, just in case.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 See how long you have to legally store his crap. Throw it in a storage unit. Tell him the code. If he doesn't pick it up by then, put "free stuff" on kijiji and craigslist.
Author blbk28 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Yeah.. Theres mixed messages online regarding how long I have to legally sotre it. I think I may just rent a Uhaul for 20 bucks and drop the crap off in his front yard. He has never really been assertive in the past and I do not want him to think that he has ANY reason to contact me. Nor do I want to walk in my back yard and look at the garage and know that nasty stuff is lounging in there. If I deliver it to his property- its his responsibility. I think the 20 bucks is a good investment.
GLDheart Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Blbk, it sounds like you are doing everything healthy. Look at the bright side... he may be a loser but he helped you get over your failed marriage... It's like little steps in the right direction. Just tell yourself the next guy will be even better!
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