Pyrannaste Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 another porn thread Lately my bf watching porn is bothering me to some extent. Sometimes his collection of porn pics/flicks does not bother me at all, sometimes it really does (it's related to other relationships problems I suppose). This is one of mine 'I hate porn' periods. I am planning to start watching some porn(for women) myself and buying some playgirl magazines. This is crazy but perhaps it could help me reconcile with porn. Perhaps that might make me realize that porn really means nothing, even if I'm positive that what would really help me is getting an "it's okay for you so why not for me"attitude. I never considered before that if he can watch porn, by logic I can too. Knowing that I could watch porn too *and doing it* would make me feel better. So, when I get my own magazines/download my own pics (of males) should I tell him? He could either think it's cool (which would make me feel better) or not like it(which would make me feel.....I don't really know). I have to admit that I often wondered how he'd react if I got my own porn. I don' know whether to tell him, not tell him, or just wait and tell him only if watching porn helped me. I guess I'd also have to come up with an explanation to why I started watching it.
UCFKevin Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Isn't this like, "The fact that my boyfriend robs banks really bothers me, so I'm going to start robbing banks on my own so it might bother HIM!"?
Author Pyrannaste Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 It's more like hey, if I can rob banks too, that might be cool. Can we also change 'rob banks' with 'burp loudly in front of SO'? Is that a gun in your pocket or robbing bank is really that exciting?
Author Pyrannaste Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 Okay, I was lying in the above post. It was my personality #22. I'd really like to know how he'd react. I am very curious about it. If he is cool about it, great. Yet, again, buying dirty magazines might make me feel better about it even if I keep it a secret.
Sundaymorning Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 GO FOR IT! there is nothing wrong with doing it, if he does it too.
HoldOn Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Pyrannaste, Hey, you know that I've read your threads before, so I thought I'd comment. Anyway, I don't think your plan will work. You shouldn't try something that you think is immoral to 'catch up' with your bf or show him how it feels. I told my ex-bf that I would have a three-way and try lesbian sex because I was trying to make him happy. (I never did it, but still.) Believe me, this plan will not make him understand your angst with his bad behavior. I'll go back to my standard recommendation for you... DUMP THIS GUY! He doesn't respect you. and now you're starting to question yourself.
Good Gracious Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Well Well Well... I'm glad to see I'm not the only one out there! I'm going through the same thing. I've never really been exposed to pornography in my lifetime so when I found out that my b/f was looking at it...I took it VERY personally. I think I've read every thread at Loveshack trying to figure out why it bugs me so much. Anyway...the point is that one of the other members said to try getting some of my own. The first reason is to find out if it is something that he objects to, and to kinda let him see the other side. The other reason is for me to understand what it does to me. If I use it and it doesn't make me love him less, or I'm not sitting there comparing him to the guys on the pages, they think, that I'll understand that he doesn't do that either. I guess that once I learn that, I probably won't have a problem with him doing it or will at least understand that it doesn't have anything to do with me. So...if this is at all similar to your situation...hell yes tell him!! Or tell him by leaving it somewhere he can find it...but make sure he knows!
tiki Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Well, Pyra, if you aren't gonna dump him, yeah, play his game. Don't tell him about it. Make him 'find' a porno mag that's conveniently placed. Make sure the guys in the mags have big dongs too.
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I tried this with my husband. He didn't care. As long as he didn't have to talk about the porn he didn't care what I did. He was probably glad that I did that way I stopped asking for sex.
SamanthaX Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 Hi there. I don't see anything wrong with him watching and enjoying porn. He could just be a very sexual person. I've always found that my boyfriends that do watch porn are actually more creative in the sack. I am sure it could have adverse side effects as well, but I have yet to see them. With all that said, I am an educated woman--I have taken all the courses on Women's Studies and still do not agree that all porn objectifies women. Uh, hmm...some women enjoy it and I am one them. If you want to watch porn because you are curious...go ahead. Getting your own porn sounds fine, but it does sound like you are doing it to balance the scales. Thats no reason. How about picking out a video to watch with your boyfriend? Maybe if you make it something you enjoy together, you won't be so threatened by it. It worked for me and I actually had a whole lot of fun.
Author Pyrannaste Posted July 8, 2004 Author Posted July 8, 2004 Originally posted by ohh yeah 'porn for girls' is actually gay porn I know, and man, those gay guys do have good taste!!!! A friend of mine told me that playgirl magazines is full of ads for gay hot(phone)lines Originally posted by SamanthaX Hi there. I don't see anything wrong with him watching and enjoying porn. He could just be a very sexual person. Wait...I don't see anything wrong with him watching porn either. I don't think porn in itself is immoral. That's why I didn't like Kevin's analogy with robbing banks It is not wrong, yet sometimes it really bothers me. I've always found that my boyfriends that do watch porn are actually more creative in the sack. I agree :) For the first year of my relationship I actually thought it was (almost) cool that he watched porn. I didn't mind at all. No kidding, in one of our very first dates I asked him to pick a lesbian porn movie to watch together. But hey, people change their minds. Now I sometimes am pretty bothered by it. Getting your own porn sounds fine, but it does sound like you are doing it to balance the scales. Exactly!!! Porn does not turn me on. Not anymore, anyway. Yet I think I could enjoy the feeling of doing something 'forbidden' like watching nasty pics of nekkid guys. I'd also like to try to learn to enjoy porn. Perhaps after a while you look at naked guys you'll begin to enjoy it. There also a small part of curiosity. A part of me would like to have a close look at some male sexual organs. I never did it because I got an internet connection only *after* starting the relationship, and after I was not single and I had the free porn available on the net I felt it would have been disrespectful to my boyfriend. Hell, I once felt guilty because I masturbated reading an erotic fanfiction story on the internet. Thats no reason. How about picking out a video to watch with your boyfriend? I used to do that. the first year I was in the relationship I gave quite a few blowjobs to him in front of a porn video. I stopped the day he had the brilliant idea of commenting about a lesbian scene "I'd have an hard time deciding which of those chicks I'd like best to screw". After that we had some relationship problems which made me start to *really dislike* the fact that he watched porn. I started to get bothered by it, expecially by having it thrown in my face. Like, I was at his place (he knew that in that period porn was bothering me) we were watching tv together, he switched to Playboy channel without asking me if it was okay and I got mad. Maybe if you make it something you enjoy together, you won't be so threatened by it. It worked for me and I actually had a whole lot of fun. I could try watching videos with him again, but this time I'll pick out the tape myself. Pretty women AND cute men, not only very hot ladies and average looking guys or only lesbian scenes. Yes, mine it's a pathetic attempt of balancing scales. If he's okay with me watching big bambooes, then I will (hopefully)no longer feel bad if he watches hot chicks. Originally posted by HoldOn Anyway, I don't think your plan will work. You shouldn't try something that you think is immoral to 'catch up' with your bf or show him how it feels. I don't think it's immoral..... I just considered that 'catching up' *might* be actually fun, I won't know until I try! I don't think average men would react bad if their gf watches porn..... at least that's what they say on this thread. I'd just like to try to masturbate in front of a pic I like. I'd like to try to become "visual". I think that the best way not to be threatened by my bf's 'canned fantasies' (porn pics are pre-imagined fantasies I guess) is to start using some myself. If there's really nothing bad and nothing threatening to your partner with it, I'll realize it, won't I? BTW..... I'm still trying to work things out with my bf Things are better lately. Last week he went to a picnic with the people in his frat but 1)he took me along (sh*ttiest evening I had in months but at least I was there and not at home worrying) 2)it was in a public park so no way for those ladies to remove their undies without getting arrested. And...HoldOn, you are a sweetie
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