Zammo25 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) I had a great Woman. I can see that now. Funny how you see it after it's gone. We were together and the first few months were magical. I made mistakes and she withdrew, emotionally and sexually. The reg flags were there but I did not see them but if I did , did not act on them. I was comfortable and happy. It is great to find someone who you can be " you " with , who accepts you for all your faults. After a year together and with things not right in my own mind I sent an " end it e mail ", I did not really mean it but wanted to try tricks I suppose to hope she would not let a " great man " leave. She had started to detach by then so I said things about the lack of intimacy and that I was not happy with things at the moment. Mistake number one. After 6 weeks we met again and went out a few times as " friends ". I ended it again as I told her , I could not be " friends " anymore as I had to many strong feelings for her. Mistake number 2 ? After this we e mailed a few times. She e mailed me asking " how are you ? " and stuff. The connection was still there. This stopped 4 weeks ago. She has now found someone else and I have been told to not contact her again. My head is f*cked up now, reliving every single moment we shared, every thing we did together, every conversation, every action, replaying in my mind like a sick film. Filled with " what if I had done this ? ", " what if I had said this ? ", " what if I had acted on the plans we had ? " I was coping but the news of her with another man has set me in a tailspin. I am obsessing about them together and beating myself up. My mind is working overtime and it is affecting my daily life and work as I have let the ball slip and I can't afford to do this. I am not sleeping or eating well. My life is a hell. This is why I am reticent to get into relationships anymore as if they go wrong and if I find my ex is with someone else I go to pieces. I am a MESS today in short. I am seeing someone else, early days but still think about the ex everytime we are together. I know it is hopeless but I need help to cope with this. She lives close to where I work and the desire to drive there today and see her was almost overwhelming but I did not do it. What help can you give me to cope with all this ? Can anyone here relate to this ? Edited July 9, 2012 by Zammo25
carhill Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 What help can you give me to cope with all this ? Can anyone here relate to this ? Time alone. Yes, I can. That's why I took time alone after my marriage ended to work through all that stuff without burdening a third party with my baggage. If you're thinking about your ex while dating a new person, do you really think that is healthy for and fair to them? My exW has been with a new man since before we were divorced. I met him recently. For some reason, prior, they didn't think it was appropriate. Good guy. If he can live with her, more power to him 1
zoomzoom Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Its a kick in the pants for sure. And it hurts, but I think its important to remember that if we were that important in their life they would not be with someone else and they would be with you. 1
edwards99 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Im with ya..same boat..reliving it all..i dont know the answer, but your not alone.. for me its the someone else touching her the same ways..that makes me obsess. 1
Steadfast Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 She cared about you but unlike men, women aren't stupid. She knew you were trying to manipulate her and play games. When she saw that you weren't going to change, she moved on. It helps to know that when a woman is into you, she'll move heaven and earth to be with you. This can't be forced, so don't try. Best advice? Be yourself and when you do meet someone you care about, don't lose yourself in the relationship. Have passions and ambition. Stay balanced. Be someone worth having and someone worth being with. Love isn't control and relationships shouldn't define who we are. Stay single until you're strong.
Author Zammo25 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I don't know if I maniupulated her. We just didn't communicate at the end and because of this it just fizzled out and by then I did not have a clue what to do to get things back on course. All very sad as at the start and the most part it was very special. A waste.
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