USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I am coming over to LA for a week in 8days. I am going to meet USMCHokie, Ninjainpajamas, Fishtaco and anyone else from LS who would like to attend, while I am there. Great googly moogly, Fishtaco will be there too?!? 1
Titania22 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Just curious though, why do you like dating younger guys and are you an exception among your friends? Is the cougar thing really all that common nowadays? I don't have many girlfriends, and not my own age, so I wouldn't know. My friends have generally been the generation older and generation younger than me. I don't really have much in common with people my own age, and never have. And gradually over time, the average age of my friends has been getting younger, as my kids friends have been becoming my friends. None of my interactions with friends, are sexual in any way. I live in a very PG environment these days. And given the age differences, it's going to stay that way.
Titania22 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Great googly moogly, Fishtaco will be there too?!? Depending on his availability he will try. Take some pictures guys I don't have a camera, so that will be up to the guys. 1
USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I don't have a camera, so that will be up to the guys. Hrrmmmm...that means we're just going to take shirtless pictures and compare them. Pyro, I'm going to need you to email me yours...
ascendotum Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Interesting. I honestly love this cougar stuff because it's a perfect arrangement - I'm not interested in kids/marriage for a long while (maybe around 30-35 when I am well off and ready to start my life as a married man) and that obviously works great for what the OP and Titania wants. It's a fun learning experience for me and it's companionship/sex with no worries for my partner. I don't know why these guys would treat their women like that though. I would treat them the same way I would treat a younger girlfriend. People are people From what I was told or saw...the women where not giving a thrill to some young mild mannered shy inexperienced type guy (not saying you are), but were getting with something along the lines of the young guys you see on the reality show 'black gold'....guys who don't have to go to too much trouble to come up with other options, if something about the realtionship starts to bug them.
sally4sara Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Its the monogamous part that's going to be your big hurdle. Think about it..... When it comes to dating, people plan. They plan to either stay single and keep their options open or they plan to find someone to build with. You won't build towards anything with who you're looking for so its not realistic for you to expect them to put their life on hold to be your "for now" boy toy. If you can accept that someone can enjoy your free time with you and then enjoy their time elsewhere with other people when you have no time for them, then you will find no shortage of younger men who will oblige you. Consider their dating life outside of seeing you to be like them having children. You spend time with them and then part ways to be with your kids. They spend time with you and then part ways to be with someone who can be more important in their life too. If you don't want to get too serious with some young guy, why do you need them to be monogamous with you? 1
Titania22 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 If you don't want to get too serious with some young guy, why do you need them to be monogamous with you? Why does seriousness have to mean marriage? Or what does serious mean by your definition?
sally4sara Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Why does seriousness have to mean marriage? Or what does serious mean by your definition? Where you consider their feelings and wants on the same level as your own rather than treating them like they have an OFF/ON button you can flip when it suits you.
Titania22 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Where you consider their feelings and wants on the same level as your own rather than treating them like they have an OFF/ON button you can flip when it suits you. I guess that's where we differ, because I always consider peoples feelings and wants as a matter of human decency. I don't expect people to have an on/off switch, though in my experiences with men, it seems like they expect me to have one. I don't have a problem with intimacy either. Obviously if some guy is set on finding a wife or having kids, he should go do that. I personally never pretend I am willing to go down that path, just to dupe someone. It concerns me that you would consider it is ok to not consider a persons feelings purely because you haven't classed a relationship as serious. And it strikes me that many of the less honorable men out there, would probably agree with you. I for one prefer to behave in an honorable way, and treat all people with respect regardless of whether I have any relationship to them.
sally4sara Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I guess that's where we differ, because I always consider peoples feelings and wants as a matter of human decency. I don't expect people to have an on/off switch, though in my experiences with men, it seems like they expect me to have one. I don't have a problem with intimacy either. Obviously if some guy is set on finding a wife or having kids, he should go do that. I personally never pretend I am willing to go down that path, just to dupe someone. It concerns me that you would consider it is ok to not consider a persons feelings purely because you haven't classed a relationship as serious. And it strikes me that many of the less honorable men out there, would probably agree with you. I for one prefer to behave in an honorable way, and treat all people with respect regardless of whether I have any relationship to them. Is there no honor in two people saying they just want something casual and physical but - how did she put it? -"are not interested in living with someone, getting married anytime soon, or having anymore children" and someone she only sees for "date on the weekends or when the kids are away with their Dad" (so not important enough for the kids to meet)? So yeah, she is expecting them to be with only her, unless of course the important aspects of her life need her attention at which point the person needs to go away. That's wanting someone for her needs and pleasures at her convenience. That's not putting their needs and pleasures on the same level as her own, so in my formerly single mother opinion - not a serious situation.
bac Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 The issue for me is communication - how do you explain that what you want is not what they are expecting - and on the first 3 dates. You just say that you look for a FWBs. That explains realistic expectations of what an older woman is looking for. FWBs means it is just for sex and +/- multiple dating. @Somedude - sleeping with several people at once is gross. I'm cool with "serious relationship," I just don't want to live with them. A serious R with an younger guy is very hard/unrealistic to find. The only reason why they want to have sex with you is that they want FWBs/ONSs. @NXS - so I should just be ripping my clothes off before I even get to know the person? You typically have sex on the first date with an younger man. That is why he wants an older woman.
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 You typically have sex on the first date with an younger man. That is why he wants an older woman. What you said there isn't necessarily true. I would love a GF and several of my friends already do have monogamous GFs. My 22 year old friend is in an exclusive relationship with a 27 year old and he's a total stud (no homo) As far as sex goes, it's not necessary at all in the first date. I'm willing to wait until 3rd or 4th date (but usually not more than that, especially not in a a situation like this where there is no real concerns about kids/marriage/etc...)
Author waiting4u Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I guess that's where we differ, because I always consider peoples feelings and wants as a matter of human decency. I don't expect people to have an on/off switch, though in my experiences with men, it seems like they expect me to have one. I don't have a problem with intimacy either. Obviously if some guy is set on finding a wife or having kids, he should go do that. I personally never pretend I am willing to go down that path, just to dupe someone. It concerns me that you would consider it is ok to not consider a persons feelings purely because you haven't classed a relationship as serious. And it strikes me that many of the less honorable men out there, would probably agree with you. I for one prefer to behave in an honorable way, and treat all people with respect regardless of whether I have any relationship to them. Well said Titania - it sounds like you know where I'm coming from, and it's an unusual situation. That's why I emphasized earlier that most people have a trajectory in life - a plan that goes something like date, live together, get married, have children, live happily ever after. I don't believe in that plan and apparently that's unusual. It also means that men I date, regardless of age, need to drop the "looking for a Dad or a paycheck" expectations they have when dating a single mom. I have nothing against "serious," I just don't think that means marriage or living together. But yes, it does mean monogamy because frankly I think having sex with multiple people is gross. Furthermore, I'm not interested in tromping men in and out of my children's lives until I find the right one. Keeping my involvement with men separate from my life with my children is sort of necessary to protect them. I guess I'm more interested in finding out how to dispel these expectations early on when I meet someone. 1
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well said Titania - it sounds like you know where I'm coming from, and it's an unusual situation. That's why I emphasized earlier that most people have a trajectory in life - a plan that goes something like date, live together, get married, have children, live happily ever after. I don't believe in that plan and apparently that's unusual. It also means that men I date, regardless of age, need to drop the "looking for a Dad or a paycheck" expectations they have when dating a single mom. I have nothing against "serious," I just don't think that means marriage or living together. But yes, it does mean monogamy because frankly I think having sex with multiple people is gross. Furthermore, I'm not interested in tromping men in and out of my children's lives until I find the right one. Keeping my involvement with men separate from my life with my children is sort of necessary to protect them. I guess I'm more interested in finding out how to dispel these expectations early on when I meet someone. Google all the cougar dating sites online and try them all. Tell the guys exactly what you want. You should be able to find what you want because your expectations are normal/standard for a older woman/younger male relationships (to me at least)
TaurusTerp Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 So basically you want to take a young man and inject him into an adult situation that he isn't ready to deal with, nor should he be. Do you remember how differently life appeardd to you at that age? But who cares right? You're a hot piece of ass, he's a lucky stud for getting you, and it suits your needs, as far as your selfish motives are concerned. Yea I'm hot for my age 42, still a bodybuilder, and had been recruited somewhat by modeling agencies, and probably could have really went somewhere had I only bee about 3 inches taller. So, what, that gives me the free pass to put a 21 year old girl into an adult situation she's not equipped to handle? And if some guy my age tried to have a sex only relationship with my 25 year old niece, he'd get to see my ghetto side quick, fast, and in a hurry, and I am sure he'd never call my niece again. You are divorced in your late 30's, with kids, it's a challenge I get it. I've crossed the 40 mark some time ago, I don't have many prospects near my age group that are attractive. For that reason though, I don't plan to throw away my maturity just to nail some young girl, or take the chance of her getting hurt and confused over a scenario she never experienced before just because I may have mentioned up front I didn't want anything more form her but she wasn't "wise to the world" enough to know the risks and possibilities. I don't see much difference in a 30 year old teacher chasing a 17 year old student, than I do a 37 year old woman chasing a 21 year old boy. Sure one is legal, but both just aren't right. But hey, if it suits you.... knock yourself out. What the hell do I know. You're still protecting your 25 year old niece from men? What on earth is wrong with you?
FitChick Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 One of the things I will be asking myself while I am in LA is, 'Would I like to live here? Why/Why not? California has one of the highest unemployment rates in the US as well as some of the highest taxes and cost of living. Towns are starting to go bankrupt because they can't meet payroll nor pay vendors. The infrastructure is falling apart and traffic is horrendous. Check out the US immigration website for their rules, restrictions and requirements to see if living and working here is even a remote possibility. I'm guessing you'd have better luck with Canada or the UK because there is some sort of reciprocal agreement.
yongyong Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 If you have a cute face, nice body and tight vagina (because you had kids), no young guys wouldn't mind hooking up with you. If you don't look too older than him, he wouldn't mind meeting you in public as well. (with no kids obviously) You are thinking wrong though. It's not about what single guys think..... It's about what your kids would think. I didn't get to bang this single mom but just made out with her. She was talking about single guys don't want to hangout with her & her kids and she wanted to find a good husband for them. She brought her kids next time we met and I was sick to my stomach. I don't mind banging a single mom but I don't want to see their kids because it makes me feel bad about those kids. (hey you mom goes to clubs and bang guys) So you meet a cute young guy and hook up with him. I am sure you would your mouth in a creative way during a hook up. You go home and use the same mouth to kiss your kids to say good night. Your kids don't know what happened but wouldn't you feel kind of bad? When guys see a stripper, we say 'her dad must be proud of her' I think your kids must be proud of you. Don't worry, as a single guy, I won't mind meeting a woman like you, however, I will never marry them for my parent's honor.
ThaWholigan Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I don't know about the rest of you, but me personally, I would take in a woman with a kid, as long as the kid was young enough to raise as one of my own. I like children and have a big heart for them. If the children are already teenagers, on the other hand, teenagers are scumbags and impossible to tame if they've already been doing what they want with their powerless single mother who probably divorced for stupid reasons or a deadbeat dad that thinks he can bribe them into accepting his failures as a father. I should know, I myself had a stepdad for a couple of years in my teens, and I made his life a living hell. Having a foreign male you barely know suddenly taking over in your castle (house) after being the man of the house for a while, was always an issue for me, its the same for most people. However I'm also well aware that the man a woman dates after having another man's kids is going to be way different than one after she does have kids. Most guys who date single mothers wouldn't be dating them if they didn't have kids. I do hear you on that. I grew up with my stepdad from nearly 2, before he ran off with a white woman when I was 10 . I still talk with him though, he was pretty much my Dad for the first decade of my life. After that, I developed more of a relationship with my biological dad, but it's easier when the children are younger, definitely. Generally I've always gotten on with my mother's few SOs over the years though, so I could definitely see myself dating a single mother and having no problem with it. I do very much like kids, and they respond well to me fortunately.
FitChick Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I am the opposite. I want a man who, if he has kids, they are grown and independent and not living at home. Children add stress to a relationship. 1
RedRobin Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I'd say approach younger men the same way you'd approach any man you might be interested in. Goals, values, and character are all that matter. You can't really control their perceptions anyway. If he is willing to take the time to get to know you, he'll be able to observe for himself. If you want to minimize the kids angle, just don't make them a topic of conversation. As far as I'm concerned, some people's jobs/hobbies take up WAY more time than some kids do. Perhaps focus on trying to understand how often they like seeing someone they are dating, communication patterns... their idea of fun and dating style more than anything.
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