brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 So basically you want to take a young man and inject him into an adult situation that he isn't ready to deal with, nor should he be. Do you remember how differently life appeardd to you at that age? But who cares right? You're a hot piece of ass, he's a lucky stud for getting you, and it suits your needs, as far as your selfish motives are concerned. Yea I'm hot for my age 42, still a bodybuilder, and had been recruited somewhat by modeling agencies, and probably could have really went somewhere had I only bee about 3 inches taller. So, what, that gives me the free pass to put a 21 year old girl into an adult situation she's not equipped to handle? And if some guy my age tried to have a sex only relationship with my 25 year old niece, he'd get to see my ghetto side quick, fast, and in a hurry, and I am sure he'd never call my niece again. You are divorced in your late 30's, with kids, it's a challenge I get it. I've crossed the 40 mark some time ago, I don't have many prospects near my age group that are attractive. For that reason though, I don't plan to throw away my maturity just to nail some young girl, or take the chance of her getting hurt and confused over a scenario she never experienced before just because I may have mentioned up front I didn't want anything more form her but she wasn't "wise to the world" enough to know the risks and possibilities. I don't see much difference in a 30 year old teacher chasing a 17 year old student, than I do a 37 year old woman chasing a 21 year old boy. Sure one is legal, but both just aren't right. But hey, if it suits you.... knock yourself out. What the hell do I know. Hey come on now. We (young guys) are adults, we know exactly what we're getting into Personally her arrangement sounds fantastic to me. I love older women 1
sid3 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 So basically you want to take a young man and inject him into an adult situation that he isn't ready to deal with, nor should he be. Do you remember how differently life appeardd to you at that age? But who cares right? You're a hot piece of ass, he's a lucky stud for getting you, and it suits your needs, as far as your selfish motives are concerned. Yea I'm hot for my age 42, still a bodybuilder, and had been recruited somewhat by modeling agencies, and probably could have really went somewhere had I only bee about 3 inches taller. So, what, that gives me the free pass to put a 21 year old girl into an adult situation she's not equipped to handle? And if some guy my age tried to have a sex only relationship with my 25 year old niece, he'd get to see my ghetto side quick, fast, and in a hurry, and I am sure he'd never call my niece again. You are divorced in your late 30's, with kids, it's a challenge I get it. I've crossed the 40 mark some time ago, I don't have many prospects near my age group that are attractive. For that reason though, I don't plan to throw away my maturity just to nail some young girl, or take the chance of her getting hurt and confused over a scenario she never experienced before just because I may have mentioned up front I didn't want anything more form her but she wasn't "wise to the world" enough to know the risks and possibilities. I don't see much difference in a 30 year old teacher chasing a 17 year old student, than I do a 37 year old woman chasing a 21 year old boy. Sure one is legal, but both just aren't right. But hey, if it suits you.... knock yourself out. What the hell do I know. Quite well said. +1
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) Quite well said. +1 Sorry, I don't agree. A 24 year old is a huge difference from a 17 year old. A 24 year old is a fully grown adult who can make his own decisions As long as she's honest and upfront about it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with what she's doing. As fucpq said, it's hard to find single attractive people over 30 and there's nothing wrong with having fun with a young man around my age To be honest, I'm not even sure why she's having so much trouble. If I was to date somebody of that age who has kids and is divorced, I would already assume that the future is not guaranteed and it's probably unlikely that we're going to get married (which is perfectly fine). I would assume it's mainly just fun and that she doesn't want me to be her kids' father or anything I can't speak for all men but I see nothing wrong with what she's doing. If she can get a studly 22-26 year old that she loves being with and both parties know exactly what's going on, I say more power to her Edited July 10, 2012 by brahmabull117 1
ascendotum Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Part of what I was trying to say is that I want someone who is NOT in my children's lives. I want someone just for me that I can date on the weekends or when the kids are away with their Dad. The issue for me is communication - how do you explain that what you want is not what they are expecting - and on the first 3 dates. Older men don't seem bothered by the existence of my children at all. Often they have kids of their own and are divorced. But a lot of them seem rather jaded and inflexible - very set in their ways. I'm young at heart I guess - I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's the truth. I don't see why you can't word this into your online profile. On your OLD site, can you specifiy the relationship type. I'm sure if you ticked 'short term relationship', you'd get more bites. At the same time though, you mentioned going on dates with younger guys, and not getting past the 3rd date, so I am not sure how much of it is due to your profile not conveying the right message. If you spell it out to these younger dudes on the date, what you have written in your posts, about just wanting a lover, I can't see how it is going wrong. I'm guessing there is something being left out....like you want a hot looking young guy (with lots of options) but insist he be monogamous, but only see you when it fits in with your kids & family time (if its every weekend then that is a pretty good). As someone else said, being 'educated, well-traveled' is not going to be the winning attributes you think, when it comes to young guys. The terms, "look like I'm in my 20's" + "someone to have fun with" is what is going to win them over. Even though you are not looking for a paycheck, I think telling a young guy you have 3 kids is going to freak quite of few of them out more than if you just said 1. Not that it should make any difference he he never meets them, but psychologically its a leap for a young good looking guy who is used to having sex with girls who are at uni or still living with their parents. If you dont plan for him to ever meet them, then drop the number and see how it goes. 1
fucpcg Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Hey come on now. We (young guys) are adults, we know exactly what we're getting into Personally her arrangement sounds fantastic to me. I love older women I'm sure it would sound fantastic to you, you are the young clueless one (clueless because of your age, not an attack on you personally). And I'm sure it never crosses your mind what impact it has on her children for their mother to have this kind of relationship. I KNOW what impact it can have, because this is the lifestyle my 40 ex lived before me, insisted she didn't want while with me, then went directly back to after we split. Think her three young ones weren't aware of what was going on?? Think it didn't have an impact? Think again.
sid3 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Sorry, I don't agree. No need to be sorry for disagreeing.
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm sure it would sound fantastic to you, you are the young clueless one (clueless because of your age, not an attack on you personally). And I'm sure it never crosses your mind what impact it has on her children for their mother to have this kind of relationship. I KNOW what impact it can have, because this is the lifestyle my 40 ex lived before me, insisted she didn't want while with me, then went directly back to after we split. Think her three young ones weren't aware of what was going on?? Think it didn't have an impact? Think again. Why would her kids care if she's dating somebody my age or a 40 year old? In this arrangement, it doesn't even sound like I would ever see her kids, so why would it be an issue? 1
fucpcg Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Why would her kids care if she's dating somebody my age or a 40 year old? In this arrangement, it doesn't even sound like I would ever see her kids, so why would it be an issue? Once again, someone in your age group wouldn't get what I am saying. I think that you would when you hit my age group.
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Once again, someone in your age group wouldn't get what I am saying. I think that you would when you hit my age group. I know so enlighten me To be honest, I don't really see anything wrong with a guy like you getting a hot 24 year old girlfriend either 1
USMCHokie Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Once again, someone in your age group wouldn't get what I am saying. I think that you would when you hit my age group. He reminds me a lot of TrainofAngels...
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I just don't see what the big deal is if both parties want it Why would the kids be harmed if they're never even going to see me? 1
fucpcg Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I was 7 when my parents split. Both went on to date people who took no interest in me. Whether those people were around or not, I knew what was going on. My ex has made several poor parenting choices to work around her cougaring, some that led me to break up with her, though we did get back together, then many more poor choices since we have been split. I saw the effects first hand as a child, I saw the effects as an adult, I see the effects as an outsider with her now in the rearview. You may not see the air that you breathe, it doesn't mean it's not there. You may not see the impact I am talking about,. likewise.
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I was 7 when my parents split. Both went on to date people who took no interest in me. Whether those people were around or not, I knew what was going on. My ex has made several poor parenting choices to work around her cougaring, some that led me to break up with her, though we did get back together, then many more poor choices since we have been split. I saw the effects first hand as a child, I saw the effects as an adult, I see the effects as an outsider with her now in the rearview. You may not see the air that you breathe, it doesn't mean it's not there. You may not see the impact I am talking about,. likewise. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just curious why you feel that way If I'm hanging out with a woman while her kids are away with her husband or while her sitter is at home, why is that an issue?
fucpcg Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 And on a side note, there are middle aged, young at heart, attractive men who love kids out there. And men who have respect for an intelligent, worldly, strong woman. Men who have reverence for a loving relationship. I know, because I am one. I also know we don't date cougars.
FitChick Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I don't see why you can't word this into your online profile. If you spell it out to these younger dudes on the date, what you have written in your posts, about just wanting a lover Another option would be to look for newly separated or divorced dads in the same boat. They wouldn't expect or demand much and would certainly be sympathetic to her plight and quite happy to have a no strings relationship. 1
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) And on a side note, there are middle aged, young at heart, attractive men who love kids out there. And men who have respect for an intelligent, worldly, strong woman. Men who have reverence for a loving relationship. I know, because I am one. I also know we don't date cougars. I wanted to add to my last post here - Do you feel that a kid not having 2 parents at all times is a bad thing? BTW no offense to you at all. I'm certainly not saying you're wrong at all because I don't really know either way, I'm just trying to figure it out I guess and you're far more educated on this matter than I am. To be honest, I like cougars so much where I would date one regardless of the consequences. I know that's terrible to say but what can I say Edited July 10, 2012 by brahmabull117
mario_C Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Frankly, what OP wants sounds too good to be true. She wants to take the responsibility of being a mother solo, and the young man gets to "have fun" and just be her lover, then go out and have a life and space when she needs to go back on Mom-duty. It's a dream relationship. That's why it never works that way. The woman quickly realizes the kids need a man at the head of the table more than 4 days out of the month, and the young chump is slowly indoctrinated and gets responsibilities that were not part of the original agreement. And made to feel guilty, like Jerry McGuire "shopliftin' the pooty off the single mom", when he was told that was what she wanted. Just saying, that's how it always works. Maybe she's sincere about wanting what she says she wants. Weirder things have happened.
Titania22 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Frankly, what OP wants sounds too good to be true. She wants to take the responsibility of being a mother solo, and the young man gets to "have fun" and just be her lover, then go out and have a life and space when she needs to go back on Mom-duty. It's a dream relationship. That's why it never works that way. The woman quickly realizes the kids need a man at the head of the table more than 4 days out of the month, and the young chump is slowly indoctrinated and gets responsibilities that were not part of the original agreement. And made to feel guilty, like Jerry McGuire "shopliftin' the pooty off the single mom", when he was told that was what she wanted. Just saying, that's how it always works. Maybe she's sincere about wanting what she says she wants. Weirder things have happened. This is crap. I am in the same boat as the OP, except my kids are a bit older then hers. They in no way need some strange guy to play their daddy and neither do I. Maybe what you say is true in some cases, but certainly not all.
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 This is crap. I am in the same boat as the OP, except my kids are a bit older then hers. They in no way need some strange guy to play their daddy and neither do I. Maybe what you say is true in some cases, but certainly not all. Another cougar? Fantastic. Where can I find one of you guys in Chicago? Should I wear a shirt that says "cougar bait"? 1
Titania22 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Another cougar? Fantastic. Where can I find one of you guys in Chicago? Should I wear a shirt that says "cougar bait"? I am coming over to LA for a week in 8days. I am going to meet USMCHokie, Ninjainpajamas, Fishtaco and anyone else from LS who would like to attend, while I am there. But I am starting to give up the whole cougar persona, as it never really got me anywhere, but the land of frustration. 1
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 But I am starting to give up the whole cougar persona, as it never really got me anywhere, but the land of frustration. How come? Why is it frustrating?
Titania22 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 How come? Why is it frustrating? To answer here is a quote from the OP. but why can't I just take a younger lover and explain that I would like a monogamous situation but I'm not out to make any promises long-term. This is not something that anyone has been willing to offer. Personally I don't mind about making long term promises, but I am not interested in getting married, and I already did the kids thing. It was frustrating, because I was at my sexual peak, and I wanted to have regular monogamous sex. It doesn't bother me anymore, because I am over it. I am ready for the next part of my life, which isn't fixated on how to get a sexual relationship, and is more concerned with what am I going to do with the rest of my life, i.e. what to do about a career? where should I live? what sort of life am I going to have, since my kids are almost grown? One of the things I will be asking myself while I am in LA is, 'Would I like to live here? Why/Why not? 1
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 To answer here is a quote from the OP. This is not something that anyone has been willing to offer. Personally I don't mind about making long term promises, but I am not interested in getting married, and I already did the kids thing. It was frustrating, because I was at my sexual peak, and I wanted to have regular monogamous sex. It doesn't bother me anymore, because I am over it. I am ready for the next part of my life, which isn't fixated on how to get a sexual relationship, and is more concerned with what am I going to do with the rest of my life, i.e. what to do about a career? where should I live? what sort of life am I going to have, since my kids are almost grown? One of the things I will be asking myself while I am in LA is, 'Would I like to live here? Why/Why not? Interesting. I'll say the same thing I told the OP - I'm not sure why you are running into those problems because I and a lot of guys I know would be fine with that arrangement Just curious though, why do you like dating younger guys and are you an exception among your friends? Is the cougar thing really all that common nowadays?
ascendotum Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Interesting. I'll say the same thing I told the OP - I'm not sure why you are running into those problems because I and a lot of guys I know would be fine with that arrangement Just curious though, why do you like dating younger guys and are you an exception among your friends? Is the cougar thing really all that common nowadays? I think they want it to last a while, and quite possibly have more romance to it..IDK. I know a handful of yummy mummies in relationships with younger guys (8-14 yrs diff) but its pretty much a f-buddy relationship. From what I gather the guys dont take them out that much, become less consistent in their visits (likely picking up elsewhere), and the relationship peters out after about 4 mths.
brahmabull117 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I think they want it to last a while, and quite possibly have more romance to it..IDK. I know a handful of yummy mummies in relationships with younger guys (8-14 yrs diff) but its pretty much a f-buddy relationship. From what I gather the guys dont take them out that much, become less consistent in their visits (likely picking up elsewhere), and the relationship peters out after about 4 mths. Interesting. I honestly love this cougar stuff because it's a perfect arrangement - I'm not interested in kids/marriage for a long while (maybe around 30-35 when I am well off and ready to start my life as a married man) and that obviously works great for what the OP and Titania wants. It's a fun learning experience for me and it's companionship/sex with no worries for my partner. I don't know why these guys would treat their women like that though. I would treat them the same way I would treat a younger girlfriend. People are people
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