waiting4u Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Look, I'm getting sort of fed up with dating. I don't do well with online dating. Apparently I don't look great on paper because I have children. I mean, the emails I get are from men in their 50's and 60's. I'm assuming the children thing is the problem, because I'm attractive, educated, well-traveled, and successful in my career. The rest of my "dating resume" is stellar. Part of it may be my age - I seem to like younger men almost exclusively. I'm in fantastic shape and look like I'm in my 20's (I'm 37), so I get a lot of attention from young men. But most of them seem scared to death when I tell them I'm a single mom (we are talking three kids here 6, 10 and 14), and it's a bit hard to explain up front that you are not interested in living with someone, getting married anytime soon, or having anymore children. I get asked out by young guys all the time, but often I don't get past the 3rd date because they have all these assumptions about single mothers. Can't I just have fun? I don't want to perpetuate the cougar stereotype here, but why can't I just take a younger lover and explain that I would like a monogamous situation but I'm not out to make any promises long-term. Should I just put this on my match.com profile? It seems like everyone has their future mapped out and it follows this particular trajectory. I've done that - marriage, kids, etc. I just want a lover for me - someone to enjoy. Not a "Daddy" or a paycheck, just someone to have fun with. If we fall in love, we'll deal with it then - it doesn't mean we have to move in together and call a wedding planner. How do I navigate this? No guy wants to have a "talk" early on about expectations - it just feels way too heavy.
brahmabull117 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 that actually sounds really fantastic and I would love that (i'm 24) and so do a lot of other young guys I know No idea why you're running into the problems you're running into. Maybe try the cougar dating sites? You sound like an awesome catch 2
Algermas Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Look, I'm getting sort of fed up with dating. I don't do well with online dating. Apparently I don't look great on paper because I have children. I mean, the emails I get are from men in their 50's and 60's. I'm assuming the children thing is the problem, because I'm attractive, educated, well-traveled, and successful in my career. The rest of my "dating resume" is stellar. Most men couldn't care less about your education level, how well traveled you are and what your career is like. Part of it may be my age - I seem to like younger men almost exclusively. I'm in fantastic shape and look like I'm in my 20's (I'm 37), so I get a lot of attention from young men. But most of them seem scared to death when I tell them I'm a single mom (we are talking three kids here 6, 10 and 14), and it's a bit hard to explain up front that you are not interested in living with someone, getting married anytime soon, or having anymore children. I get asked out by young guys all the time, but often I don't get past the 3rd date because they have all these assumptions about single mothers. Can't I just have fun? I don't want to perpetuate the cougar stereotype here, but why can't I just take a younger lover and explain that I would like a monogamous situation but I'm not out to make any promises long-term. Should I just put this on my match.com profile? It seems like everyone has their future mapped out and it follows this particular trajectory. I've done that - marriage, kids, etc. I just want a lover for me - someone to enjoy. Not a "Daddy" or a paycheck, just someone to have fun with. If we fall in love, we'll deal with it then - it doesn't mean we have to move in together and call a wedding planner. How do I navigate this? No guy wants to have a "talk" early on about expectations - it just feels way too heavy. Most men know the last thing you want to do is listen to what a woman says when it comes to this sort of stuff. With you they run a myriad of risks they don't run with a significantly younger woman. 2
brahmabull117 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Most men couldn't care less about your education level, how well traveled you are and what your career is like. Most men know the last thing you want to do is listen to what a woman says when it comes to this sort of stuff. With you they run a myriad of risks they don't run with a significantly younger woman. For the record, ladies, don't ever listen to anything this guy says. He is only speaking for himself He has one of the most nasty and bitter attitudes about women I've ever seen. Just ignore 3
Algermas Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 For the record, ladies, don't ever listen to anything this guy says. He is only speaking for himself He has one of the most nasty and bitter attitudes about women I've ever seen. Just ignore Myself and the guys who refuse to date her. 2
Author waiting4u Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 that actually sounds really fantastic and I would love that (i'm 24) and so do a lot of other young guys I know No idea why you're running into the problems you're running into. Maybe try the cougar dating sites? You sound like an awesome catch There are cougar dating sites? What? Btw I sort of hate that term, but watchagonnado? 1
brahmabull117 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Myself and the guys who refuse to date her. Well I'm a 24 year old stud (if I say so myself ) and I would love to date somebody like the OP's description Cougars are hot. Only issue is the kids, how would you be dating a younger man when you have kids of that age? If we could find a way around that, I would love to date somebody like the OP
somedude81 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Can't I just have fun? I don't want to perpetuate the cougar stereotype here, but why can't I just take a younger lover and explain that I would like a monogamous situation but I'm not out to make any promises long-term. A younger lover monogamous situation with no promises for long-term? So in other words, you want to find a young guy, be exclusive with him, and have no plans for a serious relationship. You do know that what you want doesn't make any sense right? 3
NXS Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I get asked out by young guys all the time, but often I don't get past the 3rd date because they have all these assumptions about single mothers. I think this may be part of the problem, you say you don't want a relationship but going out on dates is giving the message that you're looking for something more. It's very confusing to guys. If you're not looking for a relationship why are you going on dates? Do you have sex with these guys before the third date? Or are you still checking them out at that stage?
Author waiting4u Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) Part of what I was trying to say is that I want someone who is NOT in my children's lives. I want someone just for me that I can date on the weekends or when the kids are away with their Dad. The issue for me is communication - how do you explain that what you want is not what they are expecting - and on the first 3 dates. Older men don't seem bothered by the existence of my children at all. Often they have kids of their own and are divorced. But a lot of them seem rather jaded and inflexible - very set in their ways. I'm young at heart I guess - I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's the truth. @Somedude - sleeping with several people at once is gross. I'm cool with "serious relationship," I just don't want to live with them. @NXS - so I should just be ripping my clothes off before I even get to know the person? Edited July 9, 2012 by waiting4u 1
Algermas Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Part of what I was trying to say is that I want someone who is NOT in my children's lives. I want someone just for me that I can date on the weekends or when the kids are away with their Dad. The issue for me is communication - how do you explain that what you want is not what they are expecting - and on the first 3 dates. Older men don't seem bothered by the existence of my children at all. Often they have kids of their own and are divorced. But a lot of them seem rather jaded and inflexible - very set in their ways. I'm young at heart I guess - I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's the truth. @Somedude - sleeping with several people at once is gross. I'm cool with "serious relationship," I just don't want to live with them. @NXS - so I should just be ripping my clothes off before I even get to know the person? No man wants to play second fiddle to your children. What kind of guy wants to be in a monogamous no long term commitment relationship that hinges on whether or not your children are away with their dads. 1
InJest Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) Your children are not holding you back. Of these young guys that you get to date #3 with, how many of them have you had sex with? I really like sleeping with women in their late 30s and I really like dating women with kids, however, I'm not going to wait around for either to put out, and they're usually pretty quick to do so. Edited July 9, 2012 by InJest
brahmabull117 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Part of what I was trying to say is that I want someone who is NOT in my children's lives. I want someone just for me that I can date on the weekends or when the kids are away with their Dad. Google cougar dating sites. That's your best bet and tell them your exact situation I'm shocked you're having any problems, a ton of guys I know would love that arrangement you're talking about. Although the issue is how often are your kids away and how often can you hang out with the younger man? A man is not going to want to be your boyfriend if he can only see you once a week?
USMCHokie Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I recently dated a woman 18 years my senior...things didn't work out because she couldn't do what I wanted in the long term...mainly kids... I never had any issue with her daughter...never really thought about it as weird...
Author waiting4u Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Your children are not holding you back. Of these young guys that you get to date #3 with, how many of them have you had sex with? I really like sleeping with women in their late 30s and I really like dating women with kids, however, I'm not going to wait around for either to put out, and they're usually pretty quick to do so. So what's your point? Date #3 is sort of the pivotal marker, isn't it?
NXS Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Part of what I was trying to say is that I want someone who is NOT in my children's lives. I want someone just for me that I can date on the weekends or when the kids are away with their Dad. The issue for me is communication - how do you explain that what you want is not what they are expecting - and on the first 3 dates. Older men don't seem bothered by the existence of my children at all. Often they have kids of their own and are divorced. But a lot of them seem rather jaded and inflexible - very set in their ways. I'm young at heart I guess - I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's the truth. I'd suggest only mentioning them in a way that shows you're not interested in looking for a father for them e.g. "oh the kids are with their father this weekend so I have free time", or "I don't really want to talk about the kids now, I just want a good night out and have a bit of fun" i.e. you give the message that your time with them is completely separate from your time with the kids. @NXS - so I should just be ripping my clothes off before I even get to know the person? Well if you want to date younger guys then they're not going to go through the whole "getting to know you" phase, that's giving the impression you're looking for a relationship. Formal dating is also giving this impression. Sitting around for hours talking is giving this impression.
Author waiting4u Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 @NXS - so the whole "they won't respect you if you sleep with them early on" rule doesn't apply here?
brahmabull117 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 @NXS - so the whole "they won't respect you if you sleep with them early on" rule doesn't apply here? Sleep with them around the 3rd to 4th date. That's perfect - not too early, not too late For me, I don't even care if I sleep with a girl the first date, as long as I like her, I'll take her seriously Part of what I was trying to say is that I want someone who is NOT in my children's lives. I want someone just for me that I can date on the weekends or when the kids are away with their Dad. Google cougar dating sites. That's your best bet and tell them your exact situation. I'm shocked you're having any problems, a ton of guys I know love older women in your position The only issue here is the kids. How often can they see you? A guy will not want to be your BF if you can only hang out once a week because of your kids
NXS Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 @NXS - so the whole "they won't respect you if you sleep with them early on" rule doesn't apply here? Well what are you looking for? Sex or a relationship? Are you looking for respect or fun?
Algermas Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 The only issue here is the kids. How often can they see you? A guy will not want to be your BF if you can only hang out once a week because of your kids Ooh and 15 minutes ago I was insane when I said most young guys wouldn't want to deal with the possible issues inherent to dating a single mother.
Author waiting4u Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I have a regular sitter, so flexibility has never been an issue. And my ex-husband takes them pretty much half the time.
brahmabull117 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Ooh and 15 minutes ago I was insane when I said most young guys wouldn't want to deal with the possible issues inherent to dating a single mother. Well as long as I could see her at least 2-3 times a week, then it wouldn't be an issue I have a regular sitter, so flexibility has never been an issue. And my ex-husband takes them pretty much half the time. Yea you should have no problems then. Try the cougar dating sites. Your best bet
Author waiting4u Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 @NXS - are respect and fun mutually exclusive? 1
NXS Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 @NXS - are respect and fun mutually exclusive? No they're not, I was probably a bit too black and white over that. Just because a woman has sex early on doesn't mean I won't respect her, it's the other parts of her personality that earn my respect or not.
Woggle Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Honestly if you don't want to be serious you should probably do FWB relationships and assume they are going to be sleeping with other people. Men tend to be one way or the other. You are either their GF or a sex buddy. That is just the way it is. 1
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