Coffee20 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 It has been almost 3 months after break up and it seems to me I am over all phases - angry phase, self - blaming phase etc... I forgave him and forgave myself. But with this point I started to love him again? I do I wake up with love feeling for him and I again miss him. I try to focus on bad things but my brain doesn't want to. I am clearly obsessed with him. How do you get out of this? Or I don't want to love him forever. I know a few people who are in love with a person who left them and moved on but they weren't able and still have phantasies over them. I don't want to end up like them.
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Be patient with yourself and let your feelings fade naturally. Try to keep busy and don't rush yourself. With time you'll fall out of love with this person. You might always love them in some way, but it won't be of the romantic sort. 2
Mcnulty Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Great words from Philosoraptor. I hope and pray in time it fades from being in love to just loving her. i want her to be happy, that simple. I've forgave her and am now awaiting some inner peace...it hasn't come yet, but i have faith....one day. 1
Author Coffee20 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 thank you guys I wish him to be happy too, what bothers me that his family some of "our" friends hate me for no reason, I liked his family a lot, maybe sometimes more than him , but I can't do nothing with this....
Edtheduck Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Snap. I adored my ex's family, her kids too. It's like it was all taken away so quickly when the foundations were being laid for a real future together. As you said, stay strong The storm I'm sure will ride over soon. No signs at the moment though 1
Warrior Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 oh man, how i can't wait to stop "loving" her! the words can't describe it
jmjacobs31 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I cant wait for the day that I stop loving my ex! Right now the mornings are the worst for me. I wake up and miss him like crazy! I know someday the day will come and that day I will do a happy dance!
Mr Scorpio Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 With time you'll fall out of love with this person. You might always love them in some way, but it won't be of the romantic sort. Eleven years and waiting. Just saying.
Exit Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Eleven years and waiting. Just saying. 11 years since breaking up or all together?
Stanza Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Coffee, yes you will get there, I promise. I know from a previous BU that I got there and it keeps me going that I will again. I think that sometimes the people who were left process everything very hard, lots of very hard, very strong emotions. And we cry a lot etc and I think through the release we properly start disconnecting the bond. Without any reconciliation from them or any moves to be connected to us in anyway, the bond will break eventually. We may though always love parts of them or the experience or memories but without the full bond, true love is eventually broken. IMO. 1
Mr Scorpio Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 11 years since breaking up or all together? 11 years since love. 4 years since first breakup. 2 years since second breakup.
Author Coffee20 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 11 years since love. 4 years since first breakup. 2 years since second breakup. so long time I can't even imagine this
Feelin Frisky Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Throw yourself into other things that will become your new reality and realize that what you're in love with is your myth--what you want to see and believe while excluding the other realities that should tell you to let go. It's all a process that takes commitment--especially if you're struggling with it. But it's so worth it. 2
Author Coffee20 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Throw yourself into other things that will become your new reality and realize that what you're in love with is your myth--what you want to see and believe while excluding the other realities that should tell you to let go. It's all a process that takes commitment--especially if you're struggling with it. But it's so worth it. I know, I was in love with a person who he showed me at school - funny, confident, smart and independent man, when we started to talk he promised a lot of things...I believed what I heard from him and what I saw at school, it was a lie....but in me was a great faith he was going to be like that maybe one day.
CopingGal Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Coffee, try to focus on other things. Get some fun hobbies. Go outside and take some pictures of nature. Then start a blog and write about your experiences with nature. Or find other hobbies. Learn how to play the guitar. There are great things to do in this world.
Author Coffee20 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Coffee, try to focus on other things. Get some fun hobbies. Go outside and take some pictures of nature. Then start a blog and write about your experiences with nature. Or find other hobbies. Learn how to play the guitar. There are great things to do in this world. Hello, thank you!! I try to do something, today I spent almost whole day playing the piano. The idea with pictures is great, I should start doing this. You write a blog? Can I see it?
Crila16 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You won't LOVE him forever. It's just temporary. I've been in your shoes. It's only been 3 month. Just keep giving yourself time...and you are getting over it, whether you realize it or not. One day, you're just going to let go. You will find someone else one day and you'll be happier than you ever were with this guy. The reason you don't know it, is because it hasn't happened yet. Once it does...it will blow your mind.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I'll never stop loving my ex. She hurt me yes, but the good in her (or at least the old her) outweighs any bad. The pain she caused was not intentional. She is a good spirit, I know that, and that's what I'll always love. Sur,e on the outside, she's changed, but inside, she a kind soul, even if it was only for a short time. 2
Mr Scorpio Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I'll never stop loving my ex. She hurt me yes, but the good in her (or at least the old her) outweighs any bad. The pain she caused was not intentional. She is a good spirit, I know that, and that's what I'll always love. Sur,e on the outside, she's changed, but inside, she a kind soul, even if it was only for a short time. Agreed. My ex treated me terribly when she left, but she's still the most likeable, strongest, and smartest person I know.
Author Coffee20 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Agreed. My ex treated me terribly when she left, but she's still the most likeable, strongest, and smartest person I know. no it doesn't sound very positive to know that people here can be "in love" with the person for that long. I really hope this feeling will go away, if not, then I am lost forever.
Sugarkane Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Agreed. My ex treated me terribly when she left, but she's still the most likeable, strongest, and smartest person I know. If she treated you terribly than I doubt she was really that likeable or smart.
Author Coffee20 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 If she treated you terribly than I doubt she was really that likeable or smart. isn't it something like putting an ex into pedestal? because I do this too, I sometimes forget the bad and then I am in love again, so I believe if I met my ex and talked to him I would come down to earth again
RogerWallace111 Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Of course you can always retain a certain type of love for someone you were extremely close with. Maybe your entire life. But the likelihood that you'll be in love with them and still pining for them after a year or two is slim. And if that were to be the case I'd suggest trying counseling, cause at that point it's way more about your own issues than them being so great or compatible with you. There is always an equally good match out there. It's not like you stumbled on the one guy out of 3 billion + who can make you feel that way...
Author Coffee20 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Of course you can always retain a certain type of love for someone you were extremely close with. Maybe your entire life. But the likelihood that you'll be in love with them and still pining for them after a year or two is slim. And if that were to be the case I'd suggest trying counseling, cause at that point it's way more about your own issues than them being so great or compatible with you. There is always an equally good match out there. It's not like you stumbled on the one guy out of 3 billion + who can make you feel that way... thank you, it has been still three months so I will wait
KungFuJoe Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Oh man I know this all too well. My first gf and I were together 4 years. We broke up pretty badly. She cheated on me, I cheated on her, we had the ex sex thing for a while...she pursued me HEAVILY but I just wanted to have sex with her and date others at the same time. Then, I found out she was sleeping with someone else while still having sex with me. I confronted the guy in front of my ex and made her tell him that she was ****ing me. But the crazy thing is...once I knew she was with someone else I all of a sudden wanted her back more than anything in the world. But, once I turned around, she decides she wants to only be with the other guy she's with. But, she still has sex with me. Great sex. Rough sex where I would yank on her hair while ****ing her from behind asking if her other guy ****ed her like I did. Alcohol and sleeping pills got me through the day and going out to bars every night with friends who hooked up with other girls left and right did nothing to make me feel better. I went full on psycho trying to get my ex back and after some very very crazy events (almost getting arrested a couple times) I broke up my ex and her new boyfriend. Or rather, he broke up with her when he found out she was still sleeping with me. I foolishly thought she would come back to me and I increased my efforts to win her back. But she refused and just wanted to be by herself. I didn't stop and for almost a year I could do nothing but think about her and hope for some type of communication from her. This was going on for 2 years at this point. Eventually, she contacted me and said she wanted to try again. So we got back together. That lasted a total of ONE MONTH until we broke up again and funny enough...that's when I got over her. Not completely over, but over in a sense where I was ok with not being with her and just wanted to wish her the best in her life. And I started dating other women again and I was finally "good". I know it's hard when you're on the inside, but all I can say is...if you guys broke up, it's for a reason. And no matter how perfect you think he/she is right now, your judgement is clouded by regret and missing what you once had. You will over emphasize the "good" and block out the "bad" in a very extreme way. I honestly would seek some therapy if you had the option. It would have probably saved me two wasted years of my life.
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