PJKino Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 We rented a summer home in the hamptons me and a lot of my friends so i figured with the advice of people on here why not take the bull by the horns finally,im 31 and rarely hit on women since im shy and dont have much confidence in myself with women but i figured i needed to take chances in life Hit on a few women in bars and clubs got rejected,we then threw a few big parties at the house where a lot of women were invited by mutual friends so i thought this might be easier then hitting on strangers in bars and clubs Hit on most of the single women there thought i had a decent conversation all of them ended up hooking up with other guys at the house:( Long story short becoming agressive and semi brekaing out of my shell did nothing for my confiidence if anyhting it reinforced to me women arent attracted to em and reinforced how much it hurts getting rejected and seeing guys more attractive to women then me get these women Im too sensitive to deal with constant rejection and reinforcement of my unatractiveness i think i liked it better when i did nothing and was apathetic to getting women and just blocked out of my mind the possiblity of attracting them Thats the place im going to go back to it hurts less there
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 It takes awhile but keep putting yourself out there. Have you tried online dating? For those on the shy side it's a lot easier to deal with an online rejection than one face to face. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) You know, If I were to pick up a baseball bat having never have played baseball or swung a bat, I'm pretty sure I'd strike out a lot of times and hit a lot of ground balls If all I was expecting was to hit home runs. I'm not going to BS you with some "It's ok, you'll do better next time...stay up butter cup" reply, when you're obviously just feeling down, but as a beginner you might want to stay away from the parties and bars. These are extremely superficial situations where you are going to be simply outclassed by men who are better looking than you If you don't have anything to compensate for it and no rapport or "ins" with anyone already attending (why do you think people go to the gym and spend so much time how on how they look? so they can feel attractive, especially in these situations) As a man you actually got it easier than women do...women can like you for a variety of reasons...they are attracted to charm, intelligence, personality, wit, humor, genuine men, caring men, confidence...and what are men generally attracted to? which piece of ass is hotter than the other and that's about it initially...after that THEN a guy is willing to sit down and figure out that I'm going to actually spend some time with this woman so maybe I should make sure she's got something else to offer, maybe I'll look for a woman with more quality attributes. However, the majority of women at a bar/party get bumped up two points just for having a vagina, at least! A 6 on the scale feels like she's an 8 or 9 because of all the douchebags hitting on them and giving her attention, a 8 or 9 is treated like a celebrity/supermodel. And little ole you gets bumped down to average guy status, so without any great looks/appeal of some sort you're going to be easily looked over by women that might even be in your league! But not at a party or bar! You've got to find yourself a good woman (assuming you're a good guy) and start talking to women who are shy and not just soaking in puddles of attention from men and feeling like a million bucks for it...do online dating, meet women with similar interest, talk to the girl that's not talking to all the guy laughing at their *****ty jokes and smiling away just because she thinks he's hot...find a normal regular woman that's looking for the qualities that you acquire. Some women like to shy men, but guess what? they're probably not at the forefront of the crowd talking to all the hot boys (which for some women is every other guy practically) so just take yourself out of these elements..have a good time at a party, try to mingle and get to know people, you might get lucky and meet someone but chances are If you're not a sociable/personable or very good looking/attractive you're not going to get very far in these types of situation, you've got to play towards your strengths once you get over the self-pity party. Edited July 9, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 5
jobaba Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) We rented a summer home in the hamptons me and a lot of my friends so i figured with the advice of people on here why not take the bull by the horns finally,im 31 and rarely hit on women since im shy and dont have much confidence in myself with women but i figured i needed to take chances in life Hit on a few women in bars and clubs got rejected,we then threw a few big parties at the house where a lot of women were invited by mutual friends so i thought this might be easier then hitting on strangers in bars and clubs Hit on most of the single women there thought i had a decent conversation all of them ended up hooking up with other guys at the house:( Long story short becoming agressive and semi brekaing out of my shell did nothing for my confiidence if anyhting it reinforced to me women arent attracted to em and reinforced how much it hurts getting rejected and seeing guys more attractive to women then me get these women Im too sensitive to deal with constant rejection and reinforcement of my unatractiveness i think i liked it better when i did nothing and was apathetic to getting women and just blocked out of my mind the possiblity of attracting them Thats the place im going to go back to it hurts less there Through my 20s and early 30s, I used to 'pump myself up'. Tell myself I was going to hit on this many women per month and really be aggressive with women. I never met my quota but I did make myself more aggressive. I have so many stories like yours, I could regale you with them all night. They used CRUSH my spirit and ego. -I have had women I've been interested in say they like my friends who ALREADY HAVE GIRLFRIENDS and they'd go out with them if they were single. Hello!? I'm single. -I've had to listen to women I've liked having sex with other guys in the next room after crashing at some random party pad that night. -There's these places you go where you pay women (not to have sex) to hang with you in a karaoke room and drink and talk. One time I went with two buds and their two women were all over them while mine ignored me and wanted to talk with them. I WAS ACTUALLY IGNORED BY A WOMAN I PAID TO BE WITH ME! Anyway, the point isn't for me to whine. The point is ... other guys have been through the same thing. And you might not see it now, but what you are doing is toughening yourself up. Go through enough situations like those above, and your skin gets just a little tougher. And THAT is where you want to be. Eventually, you won't care. You'll just go up to women at a party and if they ignore you ... so what. I can pretty much do that now. These days it takes a major rejection by a woman I like a lot to crush me. And as we speak I'm in the process of numbing myself to that. It's like playing live as a musician. Do it enough times, and you'll be less nervous, care less about the results, care less about screwing up. And that is what a guy like you needs to succeed. Not to care and to go through numbers. This is your lot in life mi amigo. Give up or embrace it. Good luck. Edited July 9, 2012 by jobaba 1
ScreamingTrees Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 After building up such a hopeless situation in your head before even going out to the field to play the game, how could you be surprised that somehow, while you DID interact with these women, you were unsuccessful in your goal? You probably came off as desperate, and all of the things that you need to work on inside were probably radiating off of you to repel anyone who MIGHT'VE been attracted to you. Instead of thinking of each failure as learning how to NOT do things, you think of it as a stamp of invalidation of your worth. It's illogical to me to truly go by one situation, one subjective opinion. Anyone familiar with your posts can see that your problem stems from you being a socially awkward mess.. That shouldn't define who you are, it's just something that you should and can fix. Work on being able to bring the inner you out so that others can see.. Just be casual. Don't put pressure on things, enjoy the moment. 1
Author PJKino Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 It takes awhile but keep putting yourself out there. Have you tried online dating? For those on the shy side it's a lot easier to deal with an online rejection than one face to face. Im short[5'8} and not the most attractive guy facially so i wouldnt fair well online where its mostly about your picture
Author PJKino Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 You know, If I were to pick up a baseball bat having never have played baseball or swung a bat, I'm pretty sure I'd strike out a lot of times and hit a lot of ground balls If all I was expecting was to hit home runs. I'm not going to BS you with some "It's ok, you'll do better next time...stay up butter cup" reply, when you're obviously just feeling down, but as a beginner you might want to stay away from the parties and bars. These are extremely superficial situations where you are going to be simply outclassed by men who are better looking than you If you don't have anything to compensate for it and no rapport or "ins" with anyone already attending (why do you think people go to the gym and spend so much time how on how they look? so they can feel attractive, especially in these situations) As a man you actually got it easier than women do...women can like you for a variety of reasons...they are attracted to charm, intelligence, personality, wit, humor, genuine men, caring men, confidence...and what are men generally attracted to? which piece of ass is hotter than the other and that's about it initially...after that THEN a guy is willing to sit down and figure out that I'm going to actually spend some time with this woman so maybe I should make sure she's got something else to offer, maybe I'll look for a woman with more quality attributes. However, the majority of women at a bar/party get bumped up two points just for having a vagina, at least! A 6 on the scale feels like she's an 8 or 9 because of all the douchebags hitting on them and giving her attention, a 8 or 9 is treated like a celebrity/supermodel. And little ole you gets bumped down to average guy status, so without any great looks/appeal of some sort you're going to be easily looked over by women that might even be in your league! But not at a party or bar! You've got to find yourself a good woman (assuming you're a good guy) and start talking to women who are shy and not just soaking in puddles of attention from men and feeling like a million bucks for it...do online dating, meet women with similar interest, talk to the girl that's not talking to all the guy laughing at their *****ty jokes and smiling away just because she thinks he's hot...find a normal regular woman that's looking for the qualities that you acquire. Some women like to shy men, but guess what? they're probably not at the forefront of the crowd talking to all the hot boys (which for some women is every other guy practically) so just take yourself out of these elements..have a good time at a party, try to mingle and get to know people, you might get lucky and meet someone but chances are If you're not a sociable/personable or very good looking/attractive you're not going to get very far in these types of situation, you've got to play towards your strengths once you get over the self-pity party. I dont buy the looks aren that important to women bs,all my friend who are sucessful with women are good looking and dont even have to do much work and approach women flock to them,women are just as visual as Men As far as your other advice the problem is rarely am i in situations like i was in the hamptons,i have no single women in my social circle most of my friends are married so im forced to try to find women in places like bars clubs and other places where i have to do cold approaches
ScreamingTrees Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Im short[5'8} and not the most attractive guy facially so i wouldnt fair well online where its mostly about your picture Are you kidding me? I mean, I can't believe that you think you're short at 5'8.. I believe that the average in the US is 5'9/5'10.. You really think an inch is going to make a huge difference? C'mon, dude. I'm barely taller than you by an inch or two and I've never had any problems, so don't use that as an excuse, you're practically eye level with most guys unless you live in the land of giants.
Author PJKino Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Are you kidding me? I mean, I can't believe that you think you're short at 5'8.. I believe that the average in the US is 5'9/5'10.. You really think an inch is going to make a huge difference? C'mon, dude. I'm barely taller than you by an inch or two and I've never had any problems, so don't use that as an excuse, you're practically eye level with most guys unless you live in the land of giants. well i actually gave myself a half an inch im probably 5'7 and a half
jobaba Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Are you kidding me? I mean, I can't believe that you think you're short at 5'8.. I believe that the average in the US is 5'9/5'10.. You really think an inch is going to make a huge difference? C'mon, dude. I'm barely taller than you by an inch or two and I've never had any problems, so don't use that as an excuse, you're practically eye level with most guys unless you live in the land of giants. On just about every message board I've visited, guys who are 5'8" feel they are short and that it is a major detriment to getting women. Although some of it is their head, a lot of it is perpetuated by women actually being very picky about height. It is pretty sad that a man who is 2 inches shorter than average could be made to feel like he is too short to get women. Height is very important to women. Let's face it. A woman who is 5'7" or 5'8" isn't complaining about how she can't get men because she's too tall. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Whether you're 5'7.5" or 5'1", that is where you are. Stomach it and play the game... 1
ScreamingTrees Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 well i actually gave myself a half an inch im probably 5'7 and a half I was probably around that height a year or two ago, and I noticed no difference in how people interacted with me. Never had problems. Some girls are shallow as hell, but I wouldn't give them the time of day. I really doubt any normal person will notice, unless they seriously dwell on this **** like some LSers/internet height fanatics do..
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Im short[5'8} and not the most attractive guy facially so i wouldnt fair well online where its mostly about your picture Pff I'm right around there in height. Take a few good pictures but more importantly write from your heart and wait patiently for the right person. If you're looking for a real relationship that is and not just a casual fling. 1
yongyong Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Think of this way. this guy approached you to introduce about his product. you politely rejected him. you can notice he is very sad and bitter. what would you say to the guy? 'chill out dude, it's no big deal' right? That's how I think when I approach women.
Author PJKino Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Think of this way. this guy approached you to introduce about his product. you politely rejected him. you can notice he is very sad and bitter. what would you say to the guy? 'chill out dude, it's no big deal' right? That's how I think when I approach women. Whne its been 32 years and nobodies accepted your product its hard not to think you dont have a desirable product
somedude81 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Man, what a depressing thread. The only advice given so far is that dating is hard and you have to toughen up. And hell, even height was brought up to, and how women think a 5'8 guy is short. Oh, nvm there was some advice given. You've got to find yourself a good woman (assuming you're a good guy) and start talking to women who are shy and not just soaking in puddles of attention from men and feeling like a million bucks for it...do online dating, meet women with similar interest, talk to the girl that's not talking to all the guy laughing at their *****ty jokes and smiling away just because she thinks he's hot...find a normal regular woman that's looking for the qualities that you acquire. Find a shy girl (good luck) Do online dating (just make sure you're tall and good looking or make a lot of money) Meet women with similar interests (How? And even if you do, how do you make them like you?) The game is completely rigged.
jobaba Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Whne its been 32 years and nobodies accepted your product its hard not to think you dont have a desirable product I have some constructive criticism if you want it. Do you want it or would you like to continue to vent? Serious question.
SteveC80 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 If you are unaatratcive youre gonna have to find an equally unattractive women The idea women arent that into looks is hillarious theyre just as visual and shallow as Men maybe more trust me Eve see how women react around entertainers they find attractive? its borderline creepy
jobaba Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Jobaba is easily the best poster on this forum. He's the only guy I can think of who gives real world advice without sinking into extreme pessimism or the other pole of fluffy people totally out of touch with reality. I have to say, he's a greater man than me. After reading what he's experienced, I wouldn't be able to go through all that without retreating back into my shell and just giving up. What's the story with that thing about paying women to sing Karaoke with you ? That sounds like a scam that can only work in America, why not just pay a prostitute? Very rarely is a womans company alone worth even buying her a cup of coffee, much less a substantial fee. If anything, women should be paying me for my company. I think the general idea OP should go out with is to not care what women think, don't even take them seriously. Any place that is specifically tailored towards meeting women, like bars and nightclubs, are not good places to talk to women in my opinion, since the women will have a plethora of more glittery choices and not really care about substance. But then we get into the dilemma of where to meet women, which I unfortunately can't help you with. Haha. Thanks for the compliment. I'm not sure if the females of LS agree with you. In Asian countries, some bars, lounges and karaoke places have as a 'gratuity service', women who sit with you and keep you company. Of course, these charges are added onto the liquor rates, and if you don't give a huge tip at the end you can never come back. What happens is that a group of women will sit with you, put on their best faces and try and act as entertained as possible so they can get a big tip. Getting physical is not part of the deal, but sometimes it happens. Well, some of these lounges have made their way to NYC, California and other places, particularly where there a lot of Chinese and Koreans. The time I was describing was the only time I have done it, and my friends basically talked me into it. They basically bring in one woman for every man that is present. My woman happened to be ignoring me and more interested in my friend. And I was saying to myself, "Is this really happening? I'm paying for this girl to talk to me?" Anyway, I try and help the struggling dudes when I can. I try and stay away from the other threads on here. They have a tendency to bring back 'bitter' Jobaba. 1
Recommended Posts