Author livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Next time you're feeling down, or having a moment of weakness, write the message you want to send to whoever and instead of sending it to the person, post it up here. That way you're getting the thoughts out onto paper.. kind of.. screen maybe? and venting them. Or you can do what I'm doing on my thread and have a complete mental breakdown and lose the plot. But at least I'm doing it online and not in the workplace or where my ex can see / hear. lol It was a complete moment of weakness and hopefully won't happen again. I just hope if he does respond that it's good...tomorrow is the first day that i'm starting no contact. I'll be on here when I get off the morning shift at work so I don't go and text him first! I just wonder 1. when he will text me next and 2 what he will possibly say. sometimes to get someone to show you care, you must act like you don't care i guess.
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 If it does just post in on here okay Go crazy haha. I have nowhere at work that I can let out a scream so I just turned on caps lock haha It's true in hindsight me moving on and making it obvious that I was happy with life and going out with other girls has brought my ex a lot closer than she was. To what end I have no idea but still.. It's just one of those things where it could go either way and it sucks..
Author livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 yeah work is usually torturous because i'm just waiting to get off because nothing else is on my mind. and okay so what do I do if his friend doesn't respond to me...? like how should I take that? and how did you show you were happy and having fun
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I know the feeling, I've literally been on LS all day because theres nothing to do at work today So all I do is think. Dont think anything of it. No point in stressing over it. Chances are your ex will tell him not to reply. And if he does reply theres probs a good chance it will be what your ex tells him to.. I wouldnt take much from a reply or being ignored. I'd only pay attention to what your ex says and does. And I showed I was happy and having fun by being happy and having fun. It's a bit cheeky, but I put my fb profile to public and left her unblocked. She has a lot of my close friends on fb still but I deleted all her friends. So nothing she does on FB comes up on my wall. No pics, or status'. But when I posted status' up about what I've been up to, who I'm out with, and I get tagged in night club photo albums and my close friends like it it comes up on her news feed. But I honestly dont know how much of an impact the fb crap had on her... If anything. It really was me just going out all the time, with lots of different people, and meeting new people and being happy that showed I was enjoying life. Im fitter and healthier than ever and through mutual friends word gets back to her about what I've been up to and how I'm doing. Your ex doesnt need to see that your having an awesome time to assume that you are. When opportunities arise, dont let them see you are miserable, If you never let them see your stuggling, they will just assume you are fine. Fake it til you make it as so many people say
Author livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I also need to not be available when he does ask me to hang out next, right? start showing him that i'm busy. do exactly what he is doing basically!!! I know he hunts me down online. The other night i deactivated my facebook and twitter...the next morning he texted me and asked if I deactivated it. That night I reactivated it, I was bored, he texted me and said, wow it seems like you didn't last too long without social media. Ummm stalking me much? So I really could use that to my advantage by starting to post what i'm doing, with other people, having fun
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well it seems to be having an affect on you, so why not give him a taste of his own medicine. I know I did it to my ex on occasion but when she's doing it to me like with the movies its stuffed with my head haha. Checking up on you nightly it seems... Thats interesting. And you can definitely use that to your advantage. Change your cover pic to one of you all prettied up in town with a guy or two.. And set your profile to public haha. But yeah, checking into places, and tagging your status' with other guys or people he knows might pique some jealousy in him if you want to play his game haha. Im guilty of doing it to my ex. I also did other things like Id post a pic up for a guy letting go of a girls hand in the rain and title it "If you dont want me when I'm on my knees don't expect to have me when someone else brings me back to my feet" Loads of people liked it, people she knows. So I'm pretty confident she saw it. She messaged me the night I posted it.. But thats a risky game to play. Do it too deep or too often and it will look like your depressed or struggling. Mine was just a once off something for her to see and think about haha. I also put up lots of pics of me and my dog. If she genuinely misses my dog then seeing pics of me and him cuddling must do something haha.
Author livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 oh it is definitely having affect on me that's for sure. And alright well Good morning its the first day of NC let's see how he takes it!
Author livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) Alright, so my day at work is over and I had a text from him asking how yesterday was ( I was at the lake, invited him, and he said he couldn't go.) I responded by just saying "fun, we had a good time." He responded "that's good." Am I going to respond? helll no i'm not. 1. That's hard to even respond to and 2. this is all part of the plan meanwhile, still no response from the friend. I don't think he will. Edited July 10, 2012 by livelife
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Who cares if the friend doesnt reply your ex is making the effort to get in touch with you himself. He wouldnt pick up the phone and decide to txt you if you werent on his mind. Good work for not responding, not that theres anything really to say back to that anyway? Haha. It's funny you're not replying to your ex and not contacting him as part of a plan to get him going crazy for you. My ex doesnt txt me for a day and I feel like I've been used and want to walk away. But maybe she's doing what you are? I hate everything haha. Good work for staying strong your first day of NC And keep up the solid game plan. Curious to see how it turns out for you.
Author livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Yeah, well it didn't last too long. me not replying. I felt bad, because I felt like he took the time to ask how my day was, and I kinda had a rude response, so I asked him if he had a good day.
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Oh sorry bout that, I wouldda kept you on track if we werent in such different time zones. Did he reply? and was there a conversation after? Or did you just send that one more? Sounds like your in a better position than me regardless haha. Stay strong
Author livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Hey don't worry it's my fault. I'm just not strong enough. And I sent it about an hour ago, I think since both times I took almost 3 hours to respond, I think he will be taking his sweet time to respond back. And I wouldn't say i'm in a good spot, he has alll the power.
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Well he's contacting you before you contct him. I wouldn't say he has allll the power here. I hate it when people gauge thier responses based on how long the other person took to reply haha... Does my head in. Run me by exactly what your plan is at the moment and what the desired outcome is. I know you want him to prove himself to you but how, and to what end?
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Well he's contacting you before you contct him. I wouldn't say he has allll the power here. I hate it when people gauge thier responses based on how long the other person took to reply haha... Does my head in. Run me by exactly what your plan is at the moment and what the desired outcome is. I know you want him to prove himself to you but how, and to what end? I want him to actually back up his words with his actions. the problem is, he says he wants it to work, but I can't expect him to invest time when i'm constantly changing my mind. I'm constantly changing my mind because 1. he doesn't ask to see me 2. when I try to see him, he is ALWAYS doing something, I feel like if he wanted it to work like he says he would make time. 3. He never contacts me, except today, but usually I was always the first one to contact him, and even so he would just end the conversation and not reply, thus giving him the power because he knows how much I hate getting ignored. My plan at the moment is just trying to see what he does. I don't know how I can show him I want it to work out when hes never seeing me or talking to me. So now i'm no longer trying to see him. It's far over his turn to step it up. I feel like I can't hang out with guys or go out and party without him because otherwise he gets mad saying that clearly I just want freedom, so I exclude myself from everything. To be honest i'm starting to get a little depressed about it, now when people ask me to hang out I say no because it doesn't feel right and Im just not up for it. So when I see him all my emotions release which is a bad thing. Edited July 11, 2012 by livelife
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Sounds like an I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat loophole. Something has to happen to break the chains. Be it him stepping up, or you making up your mind and setting out to make whatever you choose happen. He say's he wants it to work. I don't see he would lie about that? Seems a pointless thing to lie about when it's going to cause nothing of benefit to either of you. The fact that he doesn't make time with you and is never available when you try to make time with him throws me off though. Like you said if he wanted things to work out you'd think he would put some kind of effort. But since you've stopped putting in the effort and started to distance yourself like he is doing look at what's happened. Now he is messaging you first. It's only small I agree. But that might turn into him asking to see you and putting in more effort. Dont depend on it or count on me to be right though. As for not going out with friends, guys or to parties because you're worried about how it makes him feel thats a big no-go. You have to go out, you have to have fun. Doing whatever you want, with whoever you want, whenever you want. Your life isnt his to dictate. If he want's to be concerned with what you do and who you do it with then he needs to step back into your life. And not just shout out from the sidelines. Going out and having fun with new people and meeting new guys, with or without intention will make him crazy. He will worry about you moving on or finding someone better. The thoughts of you maybe having a one night stand will make him sick to his stomache. And if he wants to prevent it. He needs to step up.
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Sounds like an I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat loophole. Something has to happen to break the chains. Be it him stepping up, or you making up your mind and setting out to make whatever you choose happen. He say's he wants it to work. I don't see he would lie about that? Seems a pointless thing to lie about when it's going to cause nothing of benefit to either of you. The fact that he doesn't make time with you and is never available when you try to make time with him throws me off though. Like you said if he wanted things to work out you'd think he would put some kind of effort. But since you've stopped putting in the effort and started to distance yourself like he is doing look at what's happened. Now he is messaging you first. It's only small I agree. But that might turn into him asking to see you and putting in more effort. Dont depend on it or count on me to be right though. As for not going out with friends, guys or to parties because you're worried about how it makes him feel thats a big no-go. You have to go out, you have to have fun. Doing whatever you want, with whoever you want, whenever you want. Your life isnt his to dictate. If he want's to be concerned with what you do and who you do it with then he needs to step back into your life. And not just shout out from the sidelines. Going out and having fun with new people and meeting new guys, with or without intention will make him crazy. He will worry about you moving on or finding someone better. The thoughts of you maybe having a one night stand will make him sick to his stomache. And if he wants to prevent it. He needs to step up. Thank you!! I mean it isnt something i'm proud of, not doing anything, but when I do he says something about it...I went to my sisters apartment and drank over there the other night, posted something about not caring and just going to drink, then the next morning posted about having a hangover. He comments on it by saying...for some reason you felt the need to get hammered last night. I told him for 1 thing i wasnt hammered and for 2 why did it even matter? he is controlling. but for some reason I still want to be with him...he wasnt like this in the relationship.
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Like I've said before. This power game people talk about, it doesnt really exist. He can have all the power in the world and it still means nothing if it has no leverage over you. Make sense? If you take the control of yourself and your actions and your feelings. Then you have the power within yourself. And this is the only power that matters. Maybe he's trying to be controlling because he doesn't want you to slip through the cracks? It might be his way of maintaining a cool mind and not freaking out that you're moving on. Perhaps by being controlling of what you do he can just have fun and feel safe knowing that you're in the palm of his hand not going anywhere. And it's not until he see's that you're not considering his position and going out and living for you that he's realising "Oh **** I'm not in control here, I might actually be losing her"
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 he's realising "Oh **** I'm not in control here, I might actually be losing her" Which is EXACTLY what needs to happen. Because even though it was just a small text, I felt relieved when I saw a text from him and didn't feel so under pressure, so in a sense I could be happy and go with my day without having a troubled mind. He goes through this every day, knowing that i'm here for him. 1
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Which is EXACTLY what needs to happen. You said it yourself Let him see you're not a puppet to be played with. You're not his game. Keep doing what you're doing it's definitely having some sort of affect on him. You are in control here.
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 You said it yourself Let him see you're not a puppet to be played with. You're not his game. Keep doing what you're doing it's definitely having some sort of affect on him. You are in control here. Alright, well I have a response from him...when I asked how his day was yesterday he responded..."yesterday wasn't bad. Today has been complete sh*t" So how do I respond to that? Ask him why, or just say, i'm sorry I hope whatever it is gets better? Or something different?
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Okay let me think of a few responses.. Dont reply yet
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Okay let me think of a few responses.. Dont reply yet Thanks! You're the best haha.
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Depends on how you normally act with this stuff. You want an engaging conversation - say something like "I'm sorry to hear that? Whats wrong?" - but alternatively this leaves it open for him to not reply and leave you feeling ignored. Like he see's you care and are making an effort so just ends it there and feels like mr puppeteer. You want to be blunt but not cruel - say something like "That's no good, oh well tomorrow is another day" - This keeps control of the convo in your court. If he wants to continue conversation or elaborate he will reply. Then you can choose to ignore HIM and keep him on your tail. Or if he doesnt reply at least you showed him you were pretty much impartial to if he's doing well or not. You could take a funny option - saying something like "When I have **** days I stop having **** days and have awesome days instead. True story." - This might just piss him off. But it shows your feeling giggly and fun. And gives the sense that every day is a fun day for you nowdays. And that life's pretty care free. Theres others like ignoring it, being bitchy or rubbing in his face that you never have **** days and that you are doing great. but they might push him away. Hope they help
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Just a matter of whether you want to continue a convo with him. Or keep him distant and guessing what your feeling? Make him think he is going to have to see you in person to figure out what's up and how you feel about him? I'd hate for you to try and engage an adult convo with him only to pull the 180 and not reply cause he knows it keeps you on the hook.
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