gant29 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) After a month of NC, my ex and I have had some sporadic communication this last week. Not a lot, but we have talked on the phone a few times and have texted a few times as well. It has been nothing but completely casual, no mention of "us" or our relationship until last night. I gave in and asked her if her feelings for me were now gone. She replied with "what feelings?" I then said what you have felt the last few years. She then replied-"i cant be anymore than friends" I then asked her if she meant right now or indefinitely? she replied with just the word "now" I am confused and I am not sure what she means by that. Is she leaving the door open? Is she still confused? ...to refresh, she is dating someone else right now, and I straight out asked her if she came to the realization that she valued their relationship more than ours and that is why she chose to end things with me and go away. She responded with "he has nothing to do with it" I am so confused. Any thoughts on this? I still love her. I know I need time on my own right now and do not want to get back with her anytime soon. Especially if she has feelings for someone else. What do you think this new communication means and our texts last night? She didn't answer my question about if her feelings were gone directly and what does the "now" text imply? Wouldn't she say forever if she felt like it was over? Edited July 9, 2012 by gant29
Author gant29 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Any thoughts or advice would be so helpful right now guys. Please give me your brutally honest opinion. I am torn and don't know where to go from here...
big bear Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 It's time to move back to the NC, friend. If she values the relationship she will be back, else let her go. Getting her back like this is a bit unlikely. You might end up being the back-up.
Author gant29 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 yeah, ive decided to move back to NC. But if she initiates contact I feel like I can't not respond, because I am hoping we can have another go in the future. (probably pathetic sounding to all of you) and I don't want to distance myself to the point of losing her completely-but regardless I will no longer initiate contact with her. Does it seem like she just wants me as a back up to anyone else here? Or does it sound like she is done with us? ...or does it sound like there may be some hope left in the future?
Samilia Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 "i cant be anymore than friends" Her answer is pretty clear. You are trying to dig in and obtain hope of a reconciliation. She on the other hand doesn't want to hurt your feelings and unfortunately threw you a bone, she shouldn't have. When people say "I don't love you anymore" they mean now, and after; the instant the words come out of their mouth there is no raincheck to get. You probably have fallen out of love for someone before, can you honestly tell us you were then thinking "oh I don't love her today but eh give it another year and I will change my mind!". Sometimes people do change their mind, it usually happens when people miss you, when you give them enough time to do so. And when whatever bothered them at the time has been fixed or is gone. Harsh, but isn't it what we are here for?
Tree_Salmon Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I've been through this before and more recently I had the same exact thing happen. Except I didn't sugar coat anything or ask her anything. She doesn't want you. Let get go. Go back to NC and move on. She's using you as comfort let her go find someone else to use. Its a selfish self healing technique. Find someone better and watch her come running.
Author gant29 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Samalia-thank you for your input to clarify she didn't say she didn't love me anymore. In fact she told me she loved me a couple weeks ago when we had the conversation about her brother moving away. She said she couldnt be more than friends right now. Which I believe is because she doesn't want to choose me over the other guy she is seeing. for whatever reason- I know that sounds bad, but that is what is confusing to me. Why wouldn't she just say she didn't want to be more than friends EVER again if i gave her the opportunity to? why the "now" in the text?...just to string me along? I know she still loves me, she stated that.
Girlboots Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 What are you expecting to happen? She just suddenly texts you "I thought about things and I want us to be together" NO. I can almost guarantee you she won't say that. She's just gonna keep moving on and moving on. She might love you, yes, but she shouldn't be holding on to you this way and giving you false hope.
Author gant29 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 whoa. Judging from these comments I'm a complete idiot. She's done with me, im being thrown out like trash. I should accept it and move on. Love is trivial and not worth hoping for. Nice.
Tree_Salmon Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 whoa. Judging from these comments I'm a complete idiot. She's done with me, im being thrown out like trash. I should accept it and move on. Love is trivial and not worth hoping for. Nice. The hardest part is accepting that this might be the case. Sucks. But better to deal with it now than even later down the line. Leaving now reduces your chances of pain.
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