lostinlove01 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 So I met a man (who is quite a few years older than me..like 17!) but that doesn't bother either one of us. anyways we met just a few short months ago but quickly connected. We talk every day and for long periods of time, which is why I guess it seems as though we've known each other for much longer. We live in different states, but he travels for a living right now so he sees me pretty often. We definitely act like we're together..we hold hands, kiss, cuddle etc.. we are not having sex! He does everything right that shows me he's interested. He's even a gentleman and pumps my gas We get along great he seems perfect for me. But I have been really wanting to define what we are.. clearly he wants to be with me, we talk about the future and I'm always a part of it. My lease is up soon and I feel like now would be the perfect time for me to move so we can be closer to help our relationship if there is going to be one. Which I feel like if I'm in a different state there never will be any relationship. How do I get him to talk about this without just being blunt about it because I'm too scared to do that haha I don't want him to think I want to rush in to things but I want him to know I'm serious I'll move to his state so we can be together more often. If I would move there we wouldn't be living together so it's not like I"m asking him to rush into moving in with me and marrying me etc. I just need to know if that's what he wants so we can be together, if not we need to stop seeing each other because I'm falling in love.. any advice?
Author lostinlove01 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I would rather him bring it up so I don't feel like I'm pressuring him. We are very open with each other so I have no problem talking to him about this but like I said I would rather him bring it up. I have already mentioned moving up there and he didn't shut me down but he questioned the things I will be leaving such as my job. I ensured him I can find another job like the one I have now up there and love it just as much...any suggestions on how to get him to talk about this without pressuring him or making him feel obligated to move further?
RealLife101 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I think I owe it to you to be very blunt, or otherwise, I'd be half-assing the advice. If you keep dropping hints, or just hoping that something happens, you'll probably mess around and be wondering "what if" for the rest of your life. The next time you start talking to him, I really advise you to say everything that you posted. Guys much prefer someone to be straight forward. Don't be insecure like the other girls on here who would rather make their relationships out to be a "guess what I'm thinking" game. You said your lease is running out, so it's sink or swim. You let the insecurity get the better of you (and always wonder "what if"), or you can put your cards on the table...but... you're not really taking a risk since you said you brought it up and he didn't shoot you down. It's like you're trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, by not doing anything. Be straight up and tell him. 1
KungFuJoe Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I would rather him bring it up so I don't feel like I'm pressuring him. We are very open with each other so I have no problem talking to him about this but like I said I would rather him bring it up. I have already mentioned moving up there and he didn't shut me down but he questioned the things I will be leaving such as my job. I ensured him I can find another job like the one I have now up there and love it just as much...any suggestions on how to get him to talk about this without pressuring him or making him feel obligated to move further? You could buy yourselves one of those mind altering devices they sell on amazon. They're really great...what they do is take YOUR ideas and plant them in the other person's head. Then they end up doing and saying what you wanted them to do but THEY think it was their idea. What? No such device exists? How so? Then I guess you're just going to have to tell him.
Author lostinlove01 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 you're right .. i should just go for it .. i'm just scared. And usually I would never even consider putting all my cards on the table but with this man I don't think i'd really have a problem with it like usual. do you think it's going to scare him off though..like is it too soon to pick up and move to be closer to him? mind you we won't be living together, but this will mean we're guaranteed to see each other few days every week instead of every now and again like we are now with me in a diff state. i'm just afraid I'll scare him off, I mean I would definitely wait if he was going to wait too you know what I'm saying? I just need to know what he wants to do or what he's thinking.
RealLife101 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 you're right .. i should just go for it .. i'm just scared. And usually I would never even consider putting all my cards on the table but with this man I don't think i'd really have a problem with it like usual. do you think it's going to scare him off though..like is it too soon to pick up and move to be closer to him? mind you we won't be living together, but this will mean we're guaranteed to see each other few days every week instead of every now and again like we are now with me in a diff state. i'm just afraid I'll scare him off, I mean I would definitely wait if he was going to wait too you know what I'm saying? I just need to know what he wants to do or what he's thinking. If he's 17 years older than you, then he's probably running out of time on finding "the one". He knows this and is probably thinking "this is my last chance, I don't want to blow it and try to pressure this girl who's much younger and scaring her off". and with your lease running out, you're running out of time on securing "the one" and starting all over again. and like I said, you're not taking much of a risk here. He didn't turn you down, and you're not even going to be living with him? He can't possibly be scared off then. You two could still talk like you're doing now, except it'll be more convenient being near by. It looks like a win-win. If you guys are really close and open to talk about anything with each other, this is one of those "prove it"/make or break moments. Good luck, even though it doesn't look like you need any at all.
Author lostinlove01 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 thanks I feel like I need luck though. I'm going to try and talk my landlord into giving me 3 more months on my lease until I decide, and that will give him some more time to decide if he wants me to move up there. in reality I just want him to know i'll do it if he wants or i'll wait if he wants either way is okay but I think it would be best if i just moved there so we can move further in our "relationship" if that's what you want to call it ...
Author lostinlove01 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 the only thing that makes me pretty nervous is that a few weeks ago he did sit me down and tell me that he didn't feel right because he had been talking to another woman who lives in near him and he met her before me... and i was okay with it he kept asking me if i was mad i told him i wasn't mad but i was a little sad... but since then things have been so much better than before he told me that. but we haven't talked about it again since then, so i'm wondering if maybe she's not "in the picture" anymore, which is what i would like! now we talk more, ive seen him twice since then which is unusual and it was better than before... hmm?
RealLife101 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 thanks I feel like I need luck though. I'm going to try and talk my landlord into giving me 3 more months on my lease until I decide, and that will give him some more time to decide if he wants me to move up there. in reality I just want him to know i'll do it if he wants or i'll wait if he wants either way is okay but I think it would be best if i just moved there so we can move further in our "relationship" if that's what you want to call it ... Omg... just talk to him. I really didn't know girls could complicate something so easy and straight forward :laugh: The whole "If I wait long enough, it'll work itself out" mentality is for those insecure girls, and they never really get what they want. You don't want to be a regular on this site. You want to do what you have to so that you can "graduate" from this place. Waiting is not going to help, but there's nothing I can do besides give you advice about a male from a male perspective. If you don't want to do it, no pressure. Good luck, and hopefully he somehow knows what you're thinking one day.
Author lostinlove01 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 if you dont mind ... how old are you anyways? and so what you're saying is that you would prefer a girl just come right out and say what they're feeling? even though we haven't known each other that long you think that is the best thing to do?
curlygirl40 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 the only thing that makes me pretty nervous is that a few weeks ago he did sit me down and tell me that he didn't feel right because he had been talking to another woman who lives in near him and he met her before me... and i was okay with it he kept asking me if i was mad i told him i wasn't mad but i was a little sad... but since then things have been so much better than before he told me that. but we haven't talked about it again since then, so i'm wondering if maybe she's not "in the picture" anymore, which is what i would like! now we talk more, ive seen him twice since then which is unusual and it was better than before... hmm? What?! This is a huge piece of info that has been glossed over somehow. You haven't known each other that long (months?), he's 17 years older than you are, he told you a few weeks ago (sat you down to tell you) about another woman who lives closer to him and just because it hasn't been brought up again you are assuming she's 'out of the picture'. You're not having sex. And you're willing to quit your job, let go of your apartment and move your life for a guy who has offered you nothing? Not even exclusivity? It's too soon for you to do all of that. Too soon to uproot your life for a guy who might be seeing someone else, who you haven't known that long, you who haven't been intimate with. Waaaaayyyyy toooo sooooon!!!! See if you can extend your lease or go month to month on your lease and see how this plays out.
curlygirl40 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 if you dont mind ... how old are you anyways? and so what you're saying is that you would prefer a girl just come right out and say what they're feeling? even though we haven't known each other that long you think that is the best thing to do? Again in this post you say that you haven't known each other that long and you're obviously afraid to 'come right out and say what you're feeling', but again you're willing to let go of your apartment, quit your job and move your life for him?
Author lostinlove01 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 well I don't really believe in just sleeping around. I have a regular job that I can get anywhere..no family here not many friends or friends I see often and I like to travel..for him and I to spend more time together and move forward we need to live closer. I plan on bringing it up to him this week I hope ..and I am going to try the month to month id like that better I just don't think my landlord will go for that..I guess ill find out soon as I call I'm a nervous wreck! I hate when things like this are up in limbo
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