Quest4_TheLost Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Yep sounds like she lied about the abortion.. Anyway.. I'm really not sure what the big deal at this point is. You've made it clear your not interested int his child at all.. She is playing happy family with someone who is being responsible for this child. So how about this as an option. Who cares if its yours? You don't want it and she dosen't want you a part of it. This is all pretty cut and dry..
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 Since she and I had only direct conversation about her pregnancy and she got very angry at my persistent questions, I have had to gleam information from 3rd parties. So I wasn't aware of exact dates etc. It's complicated only because she and I don't speak about and she refuses to discuss inconsistencies to her story. So apologies if I've gotten facts wrong or such, but I now have those 3 important bits of information; when she and I were last together, when she gave birth, and when she met the supposed father. I take your meaning Quest, it's partially not a big deal and I don't want to get involved, especially since they have a family set up. However, haven't you ever wondered what a kid of yours would look like? I'm pretty sure that kid could be mine, so it feels weird to think that I might be, in some indirect way, a father. I just hope she doesn't fall out with her bf and start coming after me for support. Funny how history repeats itself: she doesn't know her real father, and thought the man her mum married when she was 1 was her real father.
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Retroactive child support says hello. Hang on, RETROACTIVE child support? And what if I'm 5-6 years in arrears? I'm therefore in debt immediately? Paying off 6 years of child support? Jesus, I can't afford that. I'm still trying to get my career on track.
Balzac Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Your least expensive path to "basic" information is to hire a private investigator. Have the PI obtain a copy of the birth certificate showing if a father is identified. Each legal jurisdiction has rules about challenging the legal record. You choose not to challenge "new guy" but the information offers you some peace of mind.
veggirl Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Yeah pretty sure you are gonna be totally screwed when her perfect happy current relationship fails. She will be looking for $ for YOUR baby at that point and you are obligated then. So you might as well suck it up and deal with it now. A child is not exactly something you can sweep under the rug and pretend it never happened.
Balzac Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 He's outta the soup if "new guy" signed the birth certificate. A time window exists for "new guy" to claim otherwise but it's complicated. I say find out if "new guy" has taken on the legal role of paternity.
pteromom Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 You need to get the paternity test. Then you need to sign away your parental rights. If you don't, then yes, she can come back later and file for child support. And yes, it could be retroactive. You don't want your responsibility hinging on whether her relationship with new guy lasts. You want to either step up and be a father, or make sure you protect yourself legally. I would tell your gf. Start there. Then you will need to find out what you need to do to have a paternity test ordered, if your ex won't voluntarily submit to one.
FitChick Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 If the new guy is acting as the father and paying all the bills, I believe in some states he is out of luck if he claims not to be the bio dad. Keep your mouth shut for the time being. 1
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 He's outta the soup if "new guy" signed the birth certificate. A time window exists for "new guy" to claim otherwise but it's complicated. I say find out if "new guy" has taken on the legal role of paternity. A picture on my exs sisters Fb (see what I mean by 3rd party?) shows the kid with her full name listed on the comment. I Googled the surname as its not my exs name and, sure enough, it's the fathers surname she has. So he has def assumed legal responsibility, I'm sure. This means my ex can't suddenly fall out with this guy and come after me, right? There must be some rights for me if, years down the line, she suddenly demands money. Pteromom - I've told my gf about it, but I got the date of conception wrong. The text message proves I was about 3 weeks off. It gets complicated because my gf decided our anniversary was in late September, as the date we went on that night was when she decided in her mind she wanted to be with me. I agreed, mostly because I was quite flattered by her admission. Now I realise she will see this as infidelity on my part. I am adamant this is not the case, it was my gf who had decided this. It'll be too much to explain and it's going to sound like I'm clutching at straws. I can't tell her.
Balzac Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 (edited) Bingo! Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!! Great find but not exactly legal confirmation. In most states a window of opportunity exists for him to dispute paternity but it rarely happens. IF he has embraced his legal right, it's on him to fulfill all monetary obligations. You can look up your state statues. It would be wrong to make comments about "new guy" BUT good for him. I'd take this as you dodged a bullet. He's on the hook. Edited November 16, 2012 by Balzac
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