lemonlime Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I had broken up with my ex for about 4 months a year ago. Things were going really well. We'd been back together for almost a year. But I have an addiction problem and I relapsed. I didnt tell him for 6 months. We had talked about the possibility of that happening. But he said that he always imagined it being once, or maybe a week. Never a prolonged deception. Things were generally pretty good. But my using began to affect our relationship. I began to get depressed, and overly anxious. I took it out on him. But we really loved each other. When I found out he was blaming my unhappiness on himself I told him the truth about everything. I knew he may break up with me. And he did. I had hoped he was going to support me, try to understand. But he said that he couldnt give me the support he thought that I needed. That he didnt think I would have time for him and my new sobriety. That he didnt know if he would ever be able to get back with me because hes not sure he could handle it if it happened again. And I understand, I really do. But we really love each other so much. I never meant to hurt him like that, I dont know how to make it up to him. I know I probably just need to give him some space for a while and that any decision he makes will be a consequence of my actions. He held me for two hours when he came to get his stuff. I said I thought I was going to marry you, and he replied so did I. I just feel so guilty, and broken. I have a four year old from a previous relationship and it breaks my heart to see how he already notices hes gone. I broke my family. I hate my addiction soo much. Its cost me so much in the past and now I really think its going to cost me the man of my dreams. Hes everything I ever wanted and I hurt him and I just dont know how to make it any better. If anyone has any advice please let me know.
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