hippie_chick Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 So here's a bit story of mine. I'm sorry it's quite long.. I met my bf this February. He's from another country and is doing a half-year internship here. We clicked so well and entered into a relationship after a couple of weeks. The beginning of the relationship was the happiest days I had in my life. Everything went so well and we even talked about marriage. But last month he started to get distant. It was also when my uncle passed away. That night my uncle died I was so sad and I texted him and expected him to come here to give me a hug like he always did, but he didn't. I asked him the next day and he said he started to feel unsure about our relationship. I was totally devastated. We decided to take a short break. It was hard for me especially as I was also grieving about the loss of my uncle. The break took one week and during the week we talked a lot. It turned out that he's holding back because of the cultural difference between us. He wanted me to live with him but in my culture it's not good to live before marriage. I'm also not ready for that yet, considering that we just went out for like 5 months. I told him I could make compromise. Though it might disapoint my parents but I'm sure if given more time, I could convince them. Then he said he was worried about the future(he had to go back to his country soon). He said he could choose to study in a local university here for half year then went back home to finish his study there. I told him I'm fine with long distance relationship. It looked like he's scared of the barriers in front of us. I asked him not to give up so easily but he's still like uhm so unsure. On the day we reunited after the short break, I told him i was suffering and I said maybe breaking up would be good for both of us if the relationship couldnt make us happy anymore. He was hesitating. I said I would not want to see/talk to him if we did break up. He didn't want that saying that he wanted to be there for me always, as a friend or a lover. I said no I can't do that and he seemed really sad. It made me sad to see him like that so I said I could make compromises. I'd do anything to make our relationship work. I told him not to think too much, the situation was always changing. In the end he said his mother was coming to my moutry to see him and prolly his mother would have some opinions. I told him fine then I would wait for him to decide whether to break up or not. But after a couple of days I couldnt bear the pain anymore(his getting more and more distant) and I sent a mail to him telling him about my pain and if he's still so unsure he might better let me go(I know it's really silly of me to send a letter like that). I didn't hear from him since then. After one week I skyped him and asked why he didn't talk to me. He said he read my email and didn't know what to do/say. I told him I'm sorry for huring him and I was very regretful for having sent the mail. He didn't reply to me. I got worried and called him. He didn't pick up the phone. I texted him ask if it's over. No replies too. I knew he was there cause his skype was still online. His mother is here now but he didn't invite me to meet her(he used to say he wanted me to meet his mother). What he did was completely ignoring me. He didn't talk to me anymore. I didn't text/call/IM him too. I feel so brokenhearted. I don't know if it means we are over. He doesn't change his facebook statue yet and it gives me false hope. Should I just move on?? I have put a lot of effort in this relationship and tried to be the best gf ever. When the weather was cold I sent him a small heater and when the summer came I gave him a small fan. I even made a mix cd for him. I'd still do everything for him. I can't believe he could be so cold to me... :'(
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Doesn't sound like he is incredibly interested and instead of letting you know he's just ignoring you and hoping you'll go away. Sounds very mature of him. 1
Author hippie_chick Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Doesn't sound like he is incredibly interested and instead of letting you know he's just ignoring you and hoping you'll go away. Sounds very mature of him. Thanks Philosoraptor for your reply. I think deep down I know he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He has completely cut me of his life. It's just so hard for me to accept the fact. He used to be so sweet but now he becomes so cruel to me.. It makes me angry. It hurt. I feel so abandoned. Being ignored is painful. Being hated is horrible. Sadness, pain, suffering, agony. It’s so hard to pick up the broken pieces. Tears come streaming down my face. Why would someone who told me that he loves me put me through this pain? It feels so painful. Pain enough that I’d rather have all my teeth pulled without novocaine to make the heartache just go away.
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 It might be hard to understand but he may be ashamed of himself or didn't feel like he could go through with it if he confronted you about it. It's hard to look someone in the eyes and break their heart. On the other hand he may have just wanted to avoid the drama and just drop off the planet instead. For now you need to take care of yourself. Find a new hobby, join a group, just foster your personal growth. The more focus you take off of him and the past and put on yourself, the more efficient your healing time will be. 1
Author hippie_chick Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 It might be hard to understand but he may be ashamed of himself or didn't feel like he could go through with it if he confronted you about it. It's hard to look someone in the eyes and break their heart. On the other hand he may have just wanted to avoid the drama and just drop off the planet instead. For now you need to take care of yourself. Find a new hobby, join a group, just foster your personal growth. The more focus you take off of him and the past and put on yourself, the more efficient your healing time will be. I have started a drawing course and guitar class. I tried to get busy but always caught myself thinking of him. Everything reminds me of him. All those memories just make my crying worse. I wish he could just tell me directly that it's over so that I could move on without any hopes left. I'm still so in love with this man. Even at this moment I still want to be there for him. I'm worried that he is hurting too.. I'm in conflict whether I should contact him or not.. I want him to stay in my life, even just as a friend...
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I know those feelings. For awhile everything will remind you of the ex. I would suggest not keeping him in your life right now. A real friendship can not exist until both people have no feelings deeper than one of a friend. If not there will just be a lot of extended and unnecessary pain... and it will take so much longer to start to move forward in healing. 1
Girlboots Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Thanks Philosoraptor for your reply. I think deep down I know he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He has completely cut me of his life. It's just so hard for me to accept the fact. He used to be so sweet but now he becomes so cruel to me.. It makes me angry. It hurt. I feel so abandoned. Being ignored is painful. Being hated is horrible. Sadness, pain, suffering, agony. It’s so hard to pick up the broken pieces. Tears come streaming down my face. Why would someone who told me that he loves me put me through this pain? It feels so painful. Pain enough that I’d rather have all my teeth pulled without novocaine to make the heartache just go away. I share your pain a guy is doing the same thing to me. Instead of ignoring me, he just responds with confusing texts and I'm planning on talking to him, but I don't expect anything to happen. Keep yourself busy. I'm getting a little better each day. A LOT better than day 1. It sounds like this guy is a coward and selfish. It seems like to him, your feelings are completely irrelevant. He doesn't understand you're also hurting, and he should give an answer and let you know if you two are together or not. Just assume it's over. Love doesn't hurt. He doesn't sound like he's worth it. If he loved you, he wouldn't put you through all this knowing how much you're hurt. You told him you were hurt, and yet he does this. Ignoring someone is probably the rudest most hurtful thing a loved person can do. Forget this guy. Although he didn't say you guys broke up, YOU do it. Don't cling onto someone who isn't trying to hold on to you.
Author hippie_chick Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I know those feelings. For awhile everything will remind you of the ex. I would suggest not keeping him in your life right now. A real friendship can not exist until both people have no feelings deeper than one of a friend. If not there will just be a lot of extended and unnecessary pain... and it will take so much longer to start to move forward in healing. I was struggling on whether to contact him or not. But now I think I will take control and make it a clear break. :'( 1
Author hippie_chick Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I share your pain a guy is doing the same thing to me. Instead of ignoring me, he just responds with confusing texts and I'm planning on talking to him, but I don't expect anything to happen. Keep yourself busy. I'm getting a little better each day. A LOT better than day 1. It sounds like this guy is a coward and selfish. It seems like to him, your feelings are completely irrelevant. He doesn't understand you're also hurting, and he should give an answer and let you know if you two are together or not. Just assume it's over. Love doesn't hurt. He doesn't sound like he's worth it. If he loved you, he wouldn't put you through all this knowing how much you're hurt. You told him you were hurt, and yet he does this. Ignoring someone is probably the rudest most hurtful thing a loved person can do. Forget this guy. Although he didn't say you guys broke up, YOU do it. Don't cling onto someone who isn't trying to hold on to you. Thanks for your kind words. It helps a lot! I saw him as a perfect guy and I didn't want to admit he is actually selfish and cold. I even defended him when my friends/family said he was an ass. But now I'm going to stand up for myself. I don't deserve to be treated like that. I don't want to hate him. After all, he was someone I used to love right? But I'm not gonna hold it in. What he has done is not okay. It's always nice to see things from another person's perspectives
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