broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 She's had a bf all thruout our 1 year affair. We were madly in love with eachother. Additionally, we had incredibly amazing 90min+ sex sessions 3-4 times a week, sometimes 2-3 times in a day, also making out and kissing as much as we could...I wasn't willing to be with her 100% (and have our own relationship) bc of social awkwardness of her switching to me when there is a signifficant overlap in all of our circle of friends.. So, she's kept the bf all throughout. This would wear on anyone.. I was mean to her (bitter and resentful that she wouldn't just leave him and be with me descretely), demanding of her time, like I wasn't cool with her dissapearing most of each weekend to spend time/sleep with him. She's been a CONSTANT thought on my mind all year. She's everything to me, my day is depressing and empty until she texts me (until 2 months ago, we talked and texted all day long). This emotional wall she put up, as she described it when she broke it off with me, takes out most the mushy stuff.. Kisses turned to hugs, hugs into goodbyes..) I literally can't stand it, I'm so distraught it makes it hard to do anything.. Instead of talking and texting all day long its l maybe 1 or 2 texts a day and sometime nothing at all. No more 'good morning' calls or texts.. No more 'I love you''s.. She used to say it ALL the time. Its KILLING me. The only thing I have to looks forward to is meeting her for sex. If we happen to be on glowing terms and are within close proximity and she has the time, I make the time to meet her for sex. Its still wonderful and passionate, its the only time we kiss deeply is during sex. So now, I find myself just waiting for these moments. I'm crushed when she cancels for whatever reason. I'm so strongly affected by her every whim, or whim of her bf. Is this life of pure torture worth 1 or 2 sexual encounters per week? This life has driven me so mad I've been spening 2 hours a day at the gym for lifting and cardio. I find the gym and xanax are the only things that make my life tolerable. I've tried NC and just can't stand it. She's the best sex of my life, so how can I pass it up?
MissBee Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 There is more to life than sex, is your health worth less than sex? Living on Xanax and overworking yourself in the gym for the sake of staying in a situation like this for sex is crazy. It's not about the sex...you're obviously emotionally attached and addicted to this person and how it all makes you feel. It's never good to make ANYTHING: whether a substance, a person or act control your life in that way. 1
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Her bf has no idea. They only sleep together 3-4 times a month.
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I'm not living on xanax, I take a moderate amount so I can fall asleep without worrying. The gym is helping me a lot. Losing weight and getting stronger. Its therapuetic.
MissBee Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I'm not living on xanax, I take a moderate amount so I can fall asleep without worrying. The gym is helping me a lot. Losing weight and getting stronger. Its therapuetic. In any case this situation is not healthy for you, I hope you at least see that. NC hurts but eventually you will gain strength and move forward. However, continuing to have sex and have her use you, which stresses you out makes no sense. As most likely she will drop you lie a hot potato one fine day on HER terms. So I suggest you get out on your terms as you'll feel far worse when she is the one to drop you.
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Its not using me. We both love it. We both enjoy it thouroughly. I just hate how we have such incredible intimate moments, then I barely hear from her for a couple days. I know I sound like a little bitch.
MissBee Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Its not using me. We both love it. We both enjoy it thouroughly. I just hate how we have such incredible intimate moments, then I barely hear from her for a couple days. I know I sound like a little bitch. Huh? You're not being used? She has sex with you then ignores you until she wants sex again...and you think that is mutually beneficial? Broken...why is your name "broken"....and why are you here if you thought this situation was so great and isn't taking a toll on you? What exactly are you being troubled by then? 1
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 My thoughts of her are obsessive. Its constant, and I refuse to call/text as much as I want or fight with her as I don't what to lose whatever is left. She doesn't generally ignore me, but often times we have sex and I don't hear from her until the next evening, a simple "hey" text. She stopped calling me, so I tried to stop initialting calls/texts as much as possible. My plan is to be a haven/escape type guy for her until I get the chance again to discuss a relationship.
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I'm keeping our interactions as brief, funny, witty as possible.
alexandria35 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 This sounds like an unhealthy addictive obsessive relationship. Most of these types of relationships include the wild over the top sexual experiences. You are addicted to her. You just exist between her visits, spending all of your time thinking of her and fantasizing about getting your next fix. This will never be a healthy fullfilling relationship and it doesn't sound like she wants any kind of relationship with you anyways. I say cut it off and spend some time breaking the addiction. Don't sleep with any other girls right now because they will not be able to compare to your addiction and will send you running right back to her. You know this has no future right? You know the way you are obsessing over her and your encounters isn't healthy or good for you long term right? Is the sex worth it? 1
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Meanwhile she's on FB posting about how much fun she's having with friends tonight, and I haven't heard from her in 13 hours. Our only encounter all day was a 3 min phone call of her calling me back. I called her about 5 times last night bc we had tentative plans for sex and she went dark on me. I said I was just worried. She told me I was cute. At some point she said I was sexy, and mentioned we'd prob get a chance to see eachother tomorrow bc she was busy all day.. I want her to make plans for an entire evening with me, I want more. Sometimes I think I need to go super LC, blow her off sometimes, play games just to gain control. NC would put be in control, she can't stand when I do that, but I miss her too much and I miss out on the sexual stuff. Single guy in his 30s, who am I to pass up a chance for 1 or 2 amazing sexual encounters each week? Mind you, I AM also working on improving myself but working out a ton. I need something positive. Losing my mind.
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 At this point in time she doesn't. She has a couple times asked for one, but I declined bc of the social problems (her current bf, she, and myself have many of the same friends--- looks really bad)
alexandria35 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Meanwhile she's on FB posting about how much fun she's having with friends tonight, and I haven't heard from her in 13 hours. Our only encounter all day was a 3 min phone call of her calling me back. I called her about 5 times last night bc we had tentative plans for sex and she went dark on me. I said I was just worried. She told me I was cute. At some point she said I was sexy, and mentioned we'd prob get a chance to see eachother tomorrow bc she was busy all day.. I want her to make plans for an entire evening with me, I want more. Sometimes I think I need to go super LC, blow her off sometimes, play games just to gain control. NC would put be in control, she can't stand when I do that, but I miss her too much and I miss out on the sexual stuff. Single guy in his 30s, who am I to pass up a chance for 1 or 2 amazing sexual encounters each week? Mind you, I AM also working on improving myself but working out a ton. I need something positive. Losing my mind. really? are you really led around by your dick? Isn't there something deeper to you than that? Don't you want something with more substance than that? Do you share an intellectual and spirtual connection with her. Do you have the same principles, morals and beliefs? Does she make you laugh? Do you have the same goals and plans for the future? Is she your best friend who would trust with anything? Could you see her being the mother of your children? Can you honestly say you respect her knowing that she cheats and lies to her boyfriend and likely to you too? Seriously what do want in a woman besides hot sex? Or are women only good for sex? 2
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I want more. I'm basically a guy that's been dumped, and all I get is the occasianal text, and sex. So naturally, I'm heartbroken and devistated so all I have to look forward are our encounters, bc not much is left.
seren Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Bad man Duck Soup, made me snort coffee through my nose, but much of what you have said is true. It all sounds very tawdry and sad. Broken, you either stay and accept that you are both using each other for thrills and sex or you walk away and find a relationship where there is no angst. I must be getting old as all this sex just for the sake of it, planning when and the knowing I am being used just for that leaves me cold. Don't you want more for yourself? 1
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 30 to 90+ mins. She uses protection with him. But no, I don't like sharing, who really would? I just feel SO attached and consumed by her, and we are friends that have sex so I really look fwd to those intimate moments as sometimes I feel there isn't much left. In SO much pain almost everyday.
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 She does use it with him. That I know for sure. In any case, yes I am in love. Almost obsessivlely but I am stuck with a ****ty relationship with great sex here and there or nothing at all.. Its agonizing, almost impossible to deal with.
alexandria35 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 30 to 90+ mins. She uses protection with him. But no, I don't like sharing, who really would? I just feel SO attached and consumed by her, and we are friends that have sex so I really look fwd to those intimate moments as sometimes I feel there isn't much left. In SO much pain almost everyday. Why in the world would she use protection with her boyfriend but not with you? That doesn't make the least bit of sense given the fact that she doesn't appear to want any kind of serious relationship with you. You are causing your own pain by desperately trying hang to something that is slipping through your fingers. You accept less and less from her in your desperation to get anything from her. This is costing you your self respect. She doesn't respect you and she obviously doesn't respect her bf. I suspect she has maybe found yet another on the side guy and thats why is a long tortuous brush off. 2
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 That's the truth, they've always used it. We started not to about 6 months ago.. You might be right. It is torturous. You recommend total NC? I tried that and couldn't handle it. She cried and told me 'just bc you can't have things your way, you won't even be friends with me?' (To be friends w her is a friends w benefits situation) I am holding onto that. I wish I could emotionally detach myself from it and just enjoy our occasional encounters.
Stoneman70 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 It sounds like to me you do really love her, but are willing to get what you can with her versus nothing. Your thought process seems to be, if you can't be with her, at least you can have her sexually....but this is going to hurt you...and I think for years to come if you continue to hang on. You have to let her go. Change your number, move, etc to get away. I'm still in love with S, my affair...and I knew no contact would not work if i stayed in the same town as her. If I stayed, it would have never ended. You may have to remove yourself to get over her and truly be in nc.
jwi71 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 She does use it with him. That I know for sure. In any case, yes I am in love. Almost obsessivlely but I am stuck with a ****ty relationship with great sex here and there or nothing at all.. Its agonizing, almost impossible to deal with. Curiosity is getting the better of me...but how do you KNOW she is using protection with him? And does it really matter?
nofool4u Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 She's the best sex of my life, so how can I pass it up? If you and her were a couple, and together all the time, she wouldn't be the best sex of your life for long.
Author broken77 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I'm 100% sure of it. We were friends before lovers and I knew all those details. We still discuss it, I know it sounds rediculous but we agreed we'd be the only ones to have unprotected sex.
ac11442 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 She does use it with him. That I know for sure. In any case, yes I am in love. Almost obsessivlely but I am stuck with a ****ty relationship with great sex here and there or nothing at all.. Its agonizing, almost impossible to deal with. You know that for sure? Really? Are you there when they have sex? And you said before that she only has sex with him 3-4 times a month. That's what she tells YOU. I know you trust her, you love her, and you want to believe everything she tells you, but the reality is that you have no idea what is really going on at their house. They could be making plans to get married for all you know. I know you will argue this, defend her, say you know she's not lying, and I expect that. But hopefully I've at least planted a seed...
nofool4u Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Lol1 Of course is the best sex. This is because he cannot have her. This is because every single moment with her is a stolen moment and may very well be the last. This is the end result of the ultimate chase. Sex is between the ears and his brain is as high as a kite. Poor OP! He does not get it. Like Eddie Murphy said, (paraphrasing) "If someone is starving and you give them a cracker, they'll devour it and say 'THIS IS THE BEST DAMN CRACKER I'VE EVER HAD!!' But give that same person a cracker every day and they'll be saying, 'HEY, THIS IS JUST THE SAME OLD CRACKER'" 1
Recommended Posts