djjd9199 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I have found out that my girl has lied to me. she had kept her little secret for over 2 months before she sprung it on me. She takes trips with a group she knows and doesnt tell me ahead of time even though these things need to be planned in advance. I dont want to lose her but I feel that I am being used and I dont trust her anymore. even if we have a talk about this, which we have not, she doesnt know that I know some things about the most recent trip. I thought she was the one but now I dont know. I only have a few close friends to run this by and none of them has sided with her. I need some non biased opinions. Trust is lost, So, is the relationship? should I dump her even though its gonna hurt like HELL!!!
lemonlime Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 At the very least you should probably talk to her about it and see what she says before you make any decisions.
Sunlight72 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You really don't give enough information for a recommendation on staying together, trusting her or not, etc. "should I dump her even though its gonna hurt like HELL!!!" What I can say, is that in your long-term interest, you should not stay with her just because it would hurt now to break up. If it would not hurt you to leave, then obviously, you *should* leave because you don't feel much of a connection with her. Something that might help you get closer to a decision is to consider - is this the first time she's done something secretive? Do you act secretively from her? You really need to talk to her - and by talk, I mean start a conversation (not an interogation) about this. Don't hope for any particular answer or outcome, and don't plan on her saying any certain thing or feeling guilty or happy or anything. Just start a conversation, and see where it goes. See how you feel after the conversation and try to follow that for a few days if you need to, and so on. If you're serious about this woman as "the one", then you should be able to talk about something that is bothering you so much... and who knows? Maybe she is just trying to remember which parts of her personality are hers, and which parts are her working within your relationship. It can be good to have a bit of a life outside of your relationship and I don't know why she didn't want to tell you beforehand, but if you're upset perhaps that is what she was worried would happen. For a long-term relationship to work well, she (and you) needs to feel she can do some silly things or fun things or boring things just because she feels she wants to at the time. They don't have to be "productive" or "important". They can just be something to try or a way to get out of the house. When either of you stops feeling the freedom to do things from time to time "just because", you have real problems of emotional staleness and entrapment, which will soon become expressed by resentment. Why are you so concerned? Perhaps you need to find some activities you would like to do on your own. You could invite her, but if she is not interested that is fine (great even). It's good for you to meet new people and do new things too By you doing some activities (that you tell her about) for your own fun / growth, perhaps she'll feel more confident telling you that she wants to do things on her own, without worrying it will scare or hurt you. Cheers
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