AlexanderJames Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Thats good mate. Work out for you not to impress her. Self improvement brings hapiness and thats the most important part. Besides chances are 99% of the big guys she see's are self infatuated, juiced up cavemen anyway. You needn't worry. It's just something that helped me because I was never heaps happy with my self image. 6 days a week 15 months later and I couldnt be happier Being a good father is important to her as well as to you. You both want what's best for your kid. And seeing someone who has good parenting skills is very desirable. *Not just to your ex but to future interests as well.
Author hinatticus Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Just started reading some of your threads. You're right, they're long. Hehe. Anyway, I work out for me. I've worked out since I was 14, but stopped at around age 26. I lost about 40lbs of muscle. If I gain 15lbs from where I am now I'll be completely satisfied. I agree with the self infatuated cavemen. My brother tells me the same thing. I don't want to be some super body builder who stares at himself in the mirror, but I want my pecks and arms back. You're right about being a good father figure. So many people in this world lack just that. I'm determined to be a great father. Thanks for your thoughts man! 1
AlexanderJames Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 The first one is the longest haha Good to hear mate. Setting goals and achieving them is super healthy for the mind. I prove you can go to the gym every day and NOT be a mindless, big headed wanker haha. I almost wrote "I prove you can go to the cave" Maybe I'm more of a caveman than I thought haha /: You'll be a great father, you probably already are Dont mention it! Look forward to keeping in touch and seeing how we both go with everything
whoknows11 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Ive been there since day one of the breakup. Broke up at the end of may. Wanted to keep in contact. But the constant one word texts were killing me.Hello everyone. Im in a tough spot and im going to try and write as less as i can. She needed a break from relationships, and just time for herself to grow and find herself. Shes been in relationships alot since 14. Back and forth. Shes young. 18 now. Shes also busy with school and work everyday. She sees her friends but she doesnt have any really. Only her two best friends. Its been up and down with us lately. Between arguing at times. Or me just being fustraed getting one word responses and what not. She gets scared/worried alot that theres someone else and that im doing something with another girl. I told her i havent many times. And promised her. Cause i just wanna wait for her. She hasnt flirted, hungout with guys or done anything with one. Even promised she wouldnt. Idk to believe that cause i get worried still. She still has pictures up of us and letters/drawings from me on her wall. Also wears the promise ring still. We only text though. Havent seen eachother or talked on phone. Recently, we got into an argument. She claimed i was treating her like **** afterward and she was really pissed off at me. So i offered to give her space. Thing is, i keep messing up and breaking nc. It just isnt easy. I dont wanna push her away and annoy her though. So i need to keep it up with nc unless she does. But it was always me who initated contact when we talk. Shed only text me first when i stopped responding for a while. But idk if ill hear from her and i just need to stop contacting her and give her space. It seems so damn hard. Any advice/help?
whoknows11 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Also same as hinatticus, keep thinking of her with someone else. Ive been hanging with friends, but i cant take my mind off of it or her. Just keep looking at my phone hoping she d text. But i dont think she will. Its only been a couple days (sounds pathetic) but still. Gets harder each day to not break NC.
Author hinatticus Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Hey whoknows11 you didn't answer my hypothetical question! And no thread jacking. And I don't think of my ex with another person. And I'm not in nc. But I hate one word texts.
Author hinatticus Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Anybody else with a set timeframe in mind?
Svet74 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 If she ever comes around that would be the greatest gift to our child. I think if I was casually dating someone I'd drop them in a second to have my family back. I won't be casually dating anytime soon tho. I've got too much self imorovemt to do during my free time. Hearing you say this has reassured my decision to keep on truckin. Thanks But also keep in mind the goal here is to get yourself back! The person you were before you met your ex.. the person that you were when your ex met you. what attracted her to you? Focus on yourself and getting better. Thats what i did and now he can see that wow this girl really can live without me. SHe is doing her own thing and doesnt need me anymore. That creates loss for the person. In the beginning stages of the breakup their just relieved so even if you did change they cant see that because they dont care.. you get my point? Basically its all time. But dont wait. do what you gotta do.. and dont date cuz your not ready anyhow. Just do you
Author hinatticus Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 But also keep in mind the goal here is to get yourself back! The person you were before you met your ex.. the person that you were when your ex met you. what attracted her to you? Focus on yourself and getting better. Thats what i did and now he can see that wow this girl really can live without me. SHe is doing her own thing and doesnt need me anymore. That creates loss for the person. In the beginning stages of the breakup their just relieved so even if you did change they cant see that because they dont care.. you get my point? Basically its all time. But dont wait. do what you gotta do.. and dont date cuz your not ready anyhow. Just do you Oh I get it. I know exactly who I am. I am doing me! The whole working out thing is what I used to do. I'm just getting back into proper shape. The shape she's never seen me in. She met me when I lost my muscles and gained a bit of chub. Right now I have no chub and I'm slowly gaining my muscles back. I'm playing my guitar again and dropped a couple of nasty habits too. Basically she met me when i was down and I'm trying to turn back into the person I was way before we met. I just need a new wardrobe, but I feel guilty buying myself anything because of our child. I just have to turn into a super improved version of me! Thanks for your input svet.
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I just need a new wardrobe, but I feel guilty buying myself anything because of our child. I just have to turn into a super improved version of me! So, make yourself a deal. If you buy a shirt, you have to buy your kid a shirt. If you buy a new pair of pants, the kid gets a new pair too!
Author hinatticus Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 So, make yourself a deal. If you buy a shirt, you have to buy your kid a shirt. If you buy a new pair of pants, the kid gets a new pair too! That sounds like a plan. Maybe I'll head to the mall today! Money is tight but I need some new clothes.
AlexanderJames Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I bought some new threads the other day and got a new hairdo. Completely changed my look. It felt great to get out of the old habbit of jeans and a T shirt and actually taking some effort with my outfits. And the fact that I've put on 10kg (I dont know how many pounds that is.. 23 - 25? haha) of muscle since I was dating my ex has worked wonders for my confidence. It's the little things we do for ourselves that make all the difference. That said it is good when others take notice, especially ex's like with your ex mentioning your arms Hinatticus. I think the idea of going 1 for 1 with your kid is great. Cute too haha.
AlexanderJames Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 And sorry to thread jack here but Svet have you read the latest on my thread? More retardedness haha Waah.
Author hinatticus Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Alexander you're allowed to thread jack since you've been such a good poster. I just got back from the mall and I got him 3 cute t shirts. I only managed to pick myself up a pair of shorts, I mean 1 short? Why the heck do they call them a pair when there's only 1 of them? Anyway, I'm feeling sore today cuz I rammed a metal rod into my chest today at work. Won't be doing any bench press for a few days;(
fucpcg Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 As you know my ex and I have our own fair share of issues, but mine was temper and it was the main culprit in our split. 16 months out now, she still wont talk to me, but she is still the love of my life. On occasion I feel I am moving past that, but like my illusions of progress thread I keep realizing I am not. I love her, no matter what she did wrong or how she acted since the split, I love her, and I constantly regret my temper for bringing me here. I've learned so much since the split, but I still can't talk to her about it unfortunately.
Author hinatticus Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Good to see ya fucpcg. Sorry to hear about your pain. How long did it take you before you started to really accept its over? I'm sure you still have hope, but was there a time where you said, f*ck it, I'm moving on?
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I SAID THE SAME THING YESTERDAY! Why do they call them a pair.. Makes no sense haha! Sorry to hear that pcg. It's interesting, I've noticed a pattern with a few of us. We get hell bent on NC and moving on and finding a better love, but then we find ourselves saying that we love our ex and they were the love of our lives.. Dont know if its coincidence or not. But it definitely isnt fun when theyre not here
Author hinatticus Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Why is it called, taking a dump when you're leaving a dump. Weird....
biogirl05 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 ok, look. honestly? there's no time frame. She will remember how you acted for the rest of her life. I'm telling you, as a woman, she will never forget no matter how long you wait and try. She will always have these memories in the back of her mind that will resurface if anything reminds her of what you did. Even if she forgives you. You have to be willing to respect that if you want to be with her. And you can never ever mess up again if she takes you back.
fucpcg Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I will have a different life view than you will have currently, as I have quite a few years on you. For you it can be proper to say time to move on, I am young and will have other loves. And it will be true. I've had 3 true loves, and a 4th that would have been right up there had she not moved away on job transfer right after we started dating. We were friends for a year before dating btw. I see life as three general stages, young and wild, maturity and growth, then winding down. Her and I really had something special, it was probably my last shot at having kids, and irregardless of how bad single sucks I'm not gonna go out and party and bar hop to work at finding a new relationship, or whatever it may take. She may be my last great love, who knows. Maybe a year of something that amazing is all I will get in my life. I would love for it to be much more, but i'll take a year of truly special over a lifetime of crap anytime. I'm not giving up on her, I seriously question if we will ever speak again... ultimately she has my heart for better or for worse. You don't have to say the vows to feel that way, its what's in your heart that makes you feel that way.
Author hinatticus Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Biogirl... Believe me, I have the right motivation to never go back to the way I was, my son! Plus counseling and reading etc. have helped me figure out what I need to fix. Thing is tho, relationships are a two way street and if we get back together she also has to find it in her to take a look at what she was responsible for. All I'm doing is taking responsibility for my part. Granted my part was bigger, she still has to take a look at herself. If you take a look at my original thread you will see how much I'm owning up to everything I've done. My ex has come a long way since the beginning of the break up which gives me a tiny glimmer of hope. I agree with fucpcg that there are 3 phases to life, 4 if you include being a child. I feel like I'm entering winding down stage and we already have a son, so I want to give everything I've got into getting her back. I don't want any regrets later on in life thinking I should've tried harder. Fucpcg... You're still young enough man. My buddy who is 42 just recently settled down. That guy was a party animal. His new gf has a 9 year old and my buddy is having a blast. I agree with you on the vows part. I've told my ex something similar. We're not big on marriage but I told her I'm committed to her and I'll be there for her no matter what. I'm in it for the long haul. I can't give up now. I may never, who knows. We were actually engaged for a few months. Man did I f*ck this up royally....
fucpcg Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 There isn't anything I respect more on this planet than a man who is a true father, caregiver, protector of his children, for the long term, no matter ehat challenges or obstacles. Props.
Author hinatticus Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 There isn't anything I respect more on this planet than a man who is a true father, caregiver, protector of his children, for the long term, no matter ehat challenges or obstacles. Props. Thanks man. That's the one thing I feel I have going for me to get her back. My son is my world man. That's part of the reason she left. I neglected her. I'm big on learning, so I've learned that she needs to be my world too. I was just soooo excited to have a son with her I forgot about her. Dumb me! Live and learn...
fucpcg Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 When my ex broke up with me, I was being the worlds best father figure to her boys, and an absolute crap boyfriend to her. I am ashamed of myslef for how much I got wrong with her.
Author hinatticus Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Shame is not strong enough of a term. Super shame maybe. I've never cried from shame before. I bawled my eyes out. I'm getting all emotional now thinking about it. Healthy shame is good tho. You can learn from it. I intend to. Keep your head up fucpcg. You really do sound like a stand up guy!
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